Chapter 6

I woke up enveloped in warmth. There were spaces between our limbs where the cool air slid in between, but nothing too bothersome. My body insitinctively closed in against Cristo’s, his large frame blocking out the sunlight behind him. It was very convenient, and I was glad the sun wasn’t glaring into my face for once.
His chest rose and fell against mine slowly, lulling me back into oblivion. A strong arm lay under my head that he wrapped around to my shoulder, hand resting lightly on my arm. He sleepily stroked my skin, indicating he was stirring into wakefulness.
I lifted my head slightly, pushing myself onto the pillow to let his poor arm breathe a little. He hadn’t moved all night to keep me from waking, and I was a ridiculously light sleeper. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I squinted at him and the way the soft light wrapped around him like a halo. I couldn’t believe he’d stayed, and that last night had really happened. He would usually try to disappear before I woke up.
Key word: try. I was usually always awake when he got ready to leave, lying there still in silence.
But I didn’t have to do that anymore, and it made a warmth bloom in my chest that spread softly across my ribcage. My heart flluttered at the sight of him.
Unconciously, my finger found his cheekbone, tracing away lightly in awe as I observed him in his innocent glory. I wasn’t delusional enough to expect him to look toned and composed in his sleep. Disheveled hair, blanket pulled up to his neck, and eyelids open ever so slightly. His mouth was open and he was drooling, followed by the occassional snore that would reverbrate in the back of his throat. Honestly, it was hilarious and I reached for my phone to make a video and take some pictures.
I was a few seconds into the video before he snortd and open his eyes suddenly, looking absolutely lost. He squinted at me. Hard.
“What…” he yawned and I almost gagged at his morning breath, “what’re you doing?”
“Blackmail material,” I joked as I paused the recording. “You drool in your sleep.”
“You fart in yours.”
Insulted, I gasped and smacked his arm. He looked offended. “It’s true! You farted, like, twice! We didn’t even eat that much.”
“Fuck off,” I scoffed and pushed the blanket away, rolling off the bed. I realized I was still bare and reached for a t-shirt in my open suitcase with my foot. Pulling it on quickly, I dragged the suitcase towards me with my toes and rummaged around for a pair of loose shorts. I looked at the clock as I got dressed. “Can’t believe we still woke up at eight in the morning.”
“You did,” he grumbled. “I’m going back to sleep.”
“Enjoy,” I sighed. “Breakfast will be here soon, though. I’m going to clean up before housekeeping arrives.”
He finally propped himself up on his elbows, looking at me with frustrated narrow eyes. “Lilith,” he sighed, “get back in bed.”
“But I want breakfast!”
“I’ll take you out, Jesus Christ. Just get back here,” he demanded, “Now.”
Hesitantly, I walked back towards the bed and crawled towards him. He lay back down and opened his arms, still looking annoyed until I lay down in his arms that he wrapped me into quickly. Holding me close to his chest, he snuggled his face into my hair and took a deep breath. “You changed your shampoo.”
“You-you noticed?” I squeaked.
“Of course,” he laughed lightly. “What kind of a lover would I be if I didn’t?”
I lay stunned in silence as I processed what he said. What was I even supposed to say? I didn’t know what I was feeling, but it wasn’t terrible. There was a bit of fear, though. We might’ve slept the night before but did that really solidify anything?
“Lilith?” he nudged me softly. I could feel the hesistancy in his voice. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just…” I breathed deeply. “I just need to get used to this slowly.”
Crap, I thought to myself. I still hadn’t grown completely comfortable to the idea of being with Cristo.
“You need to talk with me,” he insisted. “I feel like you’re closing up again.”
“You’re right,” I nodded. “I do need to talk with you.” I straightened up, staying in his arms as I collected myself to sit cross-legged. “You know how I told you I’m not very experienced with relationships, right?”
He nodded.
“Well,” I continued, “I’m not very experienced with people in general. Interpersonal relationships, I would say. I suck at making friends and maintaning friendships. Hell, I haven’t even apologized to Hugo about that night. What I’m saying is that I’ve been alone for a very long time now, and it’s something I’ve grown too comfortable with.”
“You can have your space,” he promised with worried eyes and a hand wrapped around mine. “I won’t take that away from you.”
“No, you don’t get it,” I sighed. “I’m used to being toyed with and taken advantage of so…I haven’t yet reached a point with you where I can feel secure in the fact you won’t…leave.”
“Lilith…” he called out to me softly, looking heartbroken. Pushing himself up to sit, he tugged me towards his chest and held me. He embrace was firm yet so tender, and in that moment I truly believed that he cared. The warmth around my body made me feel smaller against him, making me feel like nothing could get thorugh his hold to hurt me.
I was still a hurt child on the inside waiting for someone to protect me, and I was so tired of having to do that myself. A numb weight started lifting off my chest, and then my shoulders. Suddenly, I could feel the air grow lighter. I was breathing again.
And with that breath came a stream of tears that slid down my cheeks in multiples. I had no idea when I’d started sobbing, but with each whimper that racked my body, a piece of my aching chest felt like it was coming off to be replaced with something much lighter and new. Cristo engulfed me into his arms and leaned back against the headboard, letting me wail into his chest as he stroked my hair and kiss my temple.
“I want to be with you for a long time,” he whispered. “Just let me be with you. Let me take care of things for you, that’s all I want.”
I sobbed against him relentlessly as the tension in my back melted into the air. I hadn’t realized how heavy my body felt after the years of grief I’d held into it. So much pain, anguish, and anger. So much misunderstanding and hurt, and years of never being heard out. It all poured out onto him in a matter of minutes, but I knew it would take longer to begin healing properly from all the overwork and trauma.
Cristo lips found my cheek as he wiped away my tears, pulling my head back to look at me. He pressed his forehead to mine, thumbs under my eyes as he sfotly stroked my face.
“I can’t promise you a forever because we’ve only just started opening up to each other,” he whispered, “but I do care about you. I genuinely do, and I have for a long time. Could you trust me to make a way for us?”
I looked at him through my teary eyes and nodded, sniffling and reaching out for the box of tissues behind me to wipe my nose with. He smiled at me softly, eyes twinkling as he kissed my forehead with a tendernes I hadn’t known in a very long time.
With that, he pulled me into his arms once again and I found myself drifting into a dreamless sleep. It was the most peaceful rest I had gotten in my life.
 
We found ourselves in a chatue at noon, basking in diffused light behind a frosted window as we had a light brunch. Cristo had gone home while I was asleep to wash up and returned to pick me up in more comfortable clothes. A white T-shirt, black jeans, sneakers, and a dark coat. I’d opted for a pair of washed out blue jeans and a sweatshirt, and slipped into my most comfortable sneakers. We both looked pretty casual, but I was sure he’d never seen me this comfortable before.
“Who’s the person you have a meeting with?”
“She’s a good friend of mine,” he explained. “We’ve worked on a lot of projects together. She also has some of the highest shares in my company so I need to give her a heads up on my situation and get some advice.”
I nodded. It made sense to not hold a shareholder meeting seeing as how his grandfather could be alerted through some of them. I still didn’t understand why he wanted me to meet her.
“You haven’t told me her name yet.”
“I’ll tell you when we see her,” he laughed. “You know her and I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
I rolled my eyes at him, but smiled playfully and let him off. We were leaving soon to see her anyway, now that Cristo had called for the bill. It was a nice moment to have with him outside of the bedroom. He looked cute when he ate. Although he wasn’t intentionally messy, he was wise to have taken extra care with his paper-towels. For someone so refined and pulled together, he could be pretty clumsy.
It was a short ride to the place, and we stepped out before a magnificent building with motifs carved directly into the stone of the building, painted roughly in gold as if it had aged over time. The large glass doors gave away to a gallery of exhibits. Mock-up rooms with peculiar but bespoke furniture that boasted talented craftsmanship.
I immediately knew who we were meeting, and it all suddenly hit me because I did know who she was.
“Cristo,” came her voice from off the side, full of adoration. It didn’t sound French at all. “It’s been very long. So nice to finally see you.”
She walked towards us, putting her arm out to take Cristo into a side-hug. Now that she was dressed and her hair made, I recognized her better and realized she had changed her last name.
“Marie,” I breathed as I stepped towards. “You…goodness, how are you?”
Her eyes widened at the sight of me and she smiled, letting go of Cristo immediately and reaching out for me. “Liltih? Goodness, is that really you.”
“You disappeared!” I cried out as she held me in greeting. “The wedding. You never arrived. Mrs Beaumont was furious!”
“All thanks to you,” she chuckled. “Had you not talked sense into me the night before, I would’ve never gotten to where I am today.”
“Jesus…” I sighed in awe. She’d definitely aged, her hair was greying. Definitely looked a lot more stronger than she already was back then. Her parents had hired Mrs Beaumont to arrange her marriage because she simply did not wish to marry. I was taken along as a part of my mentorship. They had issues with Marie being muscular and taking on hard labor. She was a daughter that was born defiant of their families’ ideals, and she inspired me so much. Her and I weren’t very different as people, which is why I insisted she do what she could to take charge of her life. “I didn’t expect you to run away!”
“I didn’t have much of a choice,” she chuckled. “But it’s been, what, nine years now? I’ve always wanted to thank you, Lilith.” She firmly grabbed my hand in hers with a grateful look in her eyes. “Come, let’s have a chat in my studio, shall we? There is so much I want to tell you.”
Cristo gave me a warm look, placing his hand on the small of my back as he led me towards the staircase.
“You know,” she started as we climbed the steps, “Cristo and I met about seven years ago when he was looking into people to partner with for his firm. Him and I became fast friends, and I mentored him a bit, too.”
“It’s a small world,” I said.
Marie nodded. We made it to the top, the space opening up to an office-like setting. White, stainless steel, and marble. It was a simple place, but sufficient and elegant. She took us to the leather couches towards the large window at the other corner. Cristo sat down first, grabbing my hand to lead me to sit next to him. I could feel my cheeks start to heat up, but I allowed it. Somebody had to know, and I was fine with Marie being one of those people.
“So this one day, he comes to France all angry and huffy like the petulent child he is,” Marie laughed as she served us some drinks. Cristo cried out in protest as I laughed. “His parents had been particulary rough on him and had called in a matchmaker for the job since he’d had a bad breakup. And it was you Mrs Beaumont’s commpany had sent to assess him.”
“He wasn’t very cooperative that evening,” I sighed. “Got me into trouble with a bunch of rogues.”
“I was told,” Marie nodded.
Crsito huffed, “I did come back to get you out of there.”
“You’re forgiven,” I teased and turned to Marie. “I suppose he found his way here right after.”
“Told me all about it until I realized who he was talking about, because I know only one person who would actually go after their client like that.”
“I was really surprised when Marie told me about you,” Cristo said with a squeeze of my hand.
“Right?” Marie said, “Really hard to find matchmakers that encourage you the way Lilith did. Such a breath of fresh air for our people. I guess it’s why Cristo became so curious about you.”
I stared at her with my mouth agape, starting to realize what Cristo meant when he said he’d admied me for a long time now.
“Marie is one of the most important people in my life,” Cristo told me. “I wanted you to see each other again because of how much you changed her life. In turn, you changed mine.”
“I’m really glad,” my cheeks ached from how wide I was smiling. “I’ve always wondered where Marie was for a long time.”
She laughed, “I wondered about you for a long time, too! Tell me, how has life been treating you?”
And thus started a long conversation that stretched into the evening. It wasn’t awkward or strained, and there were no facades to keep. Marie was as honest and open as a person could be, she’d worked hard just like I had and had passed a lot of knowledge onto Cristo, which is why he became as successful as he did so young. Cristo and I had a long way to go but looking at Marnie, I felt much better about where life could take us.
It wasn’t long before the more darker parts of their friendship came to the surface. Misunderstandings, manipulation from the outsie, greed. The two of them had clearly been through a lot, and yet came out much stronger friends than they were before. It reminded me that I had a duty of my own to fulfill towards Hugo.
He really deserved that apology.
By the time Cristo and I got back to the hotel, I knew it was time to try a fix the relationships I had around me. It wasn’t just Hugo I needed to talk to, but to also pay Jenna and Aubrey a visit soon and sit with them as friends. Even Alex back in New York. I felt guilty and selfish for never staying in touch with them when they were there for me through some rough times.
The thought of my mother finally came to me. I realized she hadn’t contacted me at all since I’d threatened to cut her funding. I guess she took me seriously, and it was the closest she’d come to respecting my boundaries at all. Would she have learned from it? After seeing Cristo’s situation with his family, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to completely abandon my own on such bad terms. The least I could do was end things amicably. I wanted to remember the fact that I at least tried to fix things on my end.
When we reached my room, I found myself pacing in the kitchenette with my phone in my hand and an arm tucked around myself, wondering if it was something I wanted to do right now. I was in Europe, and I knew Hugo would be coming back from his trip in Asia in a day or so. Perhaps it would be better to let him rest first before I imposed my presence onto him in England.
“You’re quite agitated,” Cristo came up behind me, voice gently brushing my ear as I chewed on my fingernails. Sighing, I looked at him regretfully. I wanted to spend the last of our days in Paris peacefully, but I felt like I was running out of time to make amends. Maybe I was just anxious to delay an outcome I couldn’t predict. I needed to know how things would turn out with Hugo and my mom.
Would Cristo understand, though? I could try…
“I told you about my mom,” I started softly.
Cristo grunted quietly, “Not the best woman, I know.”
“Yeah, but…” I paused, thinking if I wanted to say it out loud, “she’s the only family I have, you know? And I think I would care if someday she was gone and I didn’t try to be civil with her.”
“You already have,” he protested. “Lilith, you pay her for absolutly nothing. I believe that’s enough.”
“For her,” I insisted. “Not…not for me. I don’t have any real family besides her, Cristo. I do have extended family but they’re no better.”
Cristo pulled me against him, his chest on my back as he pushed his face into my hair. His hands squeezed my arms gently and I could see he didn’t have advice to offer. My mom was pretty much all I had. No one even knows if I’m actually my father’s child, and no one ever bothered to confirm. I knew I would always carry the burden of not being the religious daughter she wanted, but I didn’t want to add to it by never making any real effort on my part.
Did I owe it to her? No. But to myself? At least I had to try.
“You’re doing this solely for yourself?” he asked. I nodded. He made a sound of approval, turning me aroun to face him. “All right. As long as you’re putting yourself first. Should I accompany you?”
“It might be something I’ll have to do on my own, really.”
“Regardless, I have your back,” he smiled encouragingly. The look he gave me made my heart flutter, like he was proud of me. I’d never been looked at like that before. The urge to reach out for his face was so strong that I didn’t deny myself of it. My hands cupped his jaw as I pushed myself onto my toes. His eyelids fell, gazing resting on my lips as I pusehd myself closer to him. The breath shivered out of my chest as our lips met softly, his large hands holding me to him by the waist.
His kiss was soft, like melted chocolate at a fair that was sweet enough to give you a sugar rush. The warmth of his mouth pressed against mine tenderly, fingers desperately traveling my skin to memorize every curve of my body that he could find. All I wanted was to be closer to him than it was already possible. I needed him with me. I needed all the love he poured onto my body to get inside my heart and fill into the cracks of my heart to make me whole again.
I just wanted someone to love me back into sanity.