Chapter 21

Nikolai

As I sat in the car waiting for Hannah to come out, the conversation with Drago still weighed heavily on my mind. I was so fixated on the shit with the organization, I’d forgotten until now that I had left Hannah half-naked in a women’s dressing room after making out with her.
I stared at her shitty, ranch-style house, trying to figure out how to handle her. I had to act like I was dating her tonight. How was I going to keep my distance, but still act like I was into her? Although, if I was honest with myself, I would probably have no problem acting like I was into Hannah. I was having a hard time of getting the image of her naked tits out of my head, and the taste of her skin still lingered on my tongue. It was the distance part I was struggling with.
Suddenly the screen door to the house opened and Hannah sprinted out, waving to whoever was in there as she jumped in the passenger seat of my car. She was wearing that embroidered top with the wide neckline that falls off one shoulder. I could see it moving around as she ran, and I remembered kissing the soft skin over her collarbone, kissing the few freckles she had on her right shoulder.
God, what was happening to me? Since when did I lose my mind over a fucking shoulder?
I shook my head in disgust. I had to take control of the situation right away. I had to tell her immediately that although I might have to touch or kiss her tonight, it didn’t mean a fucking thing and it was not leading anywhere.
“Hey,” I finally said once she closed the door. God, she smelled amazing, like one of those fancy lotions you get in the mall. Did she smell like this before?
“Hi,” she said softly, smiling cautiously. God, one word and now my dick was hard.
“Hey,” I repeated, my voice cool, clipped.
Hannah frowned slightly, and made a move toward the radio, probably to distract herself from my unfriendly attitude. I was trying to discourage communication between us as much as possible. I wanted to put on this ridiculous display, get the night over with, and get my life back to the way it had been as soon as possible.
Hannah, obviously sensing the tension, took a deep breath. “Nikolai, I think—”
“Look, Hannah,” I cut in before she started talking about shit I didn’t want to talk about. “Let’s get things clear between us. We’re going to go to this party tonight, act like we’re interested in each other, let Connors know you’re off limits, and then finish this up as fast as possible.”
“Right, I know,” Hannah replied, indicating she understood, but her expression appeared deflated. I knew fucking around with her in that dressing room had probably put thoughts in her head. Thoughts I needed to squash.
“So, any ideas you may have gotten based on what happened earlier…forget them. When I said that I don’t date, that wasn’t a lie. I don’t date. Anyone.”
I shot Hannah another look, but she was rubbing her hands on the top of her thighs and looking out the window. I realized I was probably hurting her feelings, but I knew it would be a lot easier doing this now, before she’d developed any expectations. However, I had these annoying feelings about her, feelings I had no intention of exploring or really acting on. These same feelings made me feel fucked up that she was sitting over there feeling rejected.
“Hannah, it has nothing to do with you,” I started, trying to salvage her self-esteem a bit.
Hannah’s head whipped around, and a surprised laugh escaped her. “I know that, Nikolai. You may not have noticed me before today, but I definitely knew who you were, and your reputation.”
I frowned. “What’s my reputation? What do you mean?”
Hannah outright laughed at that question. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. Tell me what you, and everyone else, thinks they know.” I knew I was popular in school, but I had always hated being the subject of gossip. I was certain half of it was made up anyway.
Hannah wiggled in her seat as if warming to the new direction the conversation had taken. Although I wasn’t thrilled to hear whatever load of bullshit was being said about me in school, her knowing smirk was definitely better than her sulking pout. For the most part.
“Okay, well, everyone already knows you don’t date, so that’s hardly a revelation. There are tons of stories about girls who thought because you slept with them that you’d start dating. Especially the girls you slept with more than once.” Hannah shot me a pointed look, as though implying it was my fault these girls were picking out china patterns because I had fucked them more than once. I rolled my eyes at her insinuation.
“Tons? I doubt I’ve fucked tons of girls.” I supposed the term was subjective.
“Okay, so how many have you slept with, and I’ll decide if that’s tons?”
“I’m not fucking answering that. That’s how these rumors get started in the first place. I guarantee I haven’t fucked as many as you think, though.” That was probably true because I had slept with a lot of women through the organization, so I hadn’t messed with that many at school. Now, Jack on the other hand…
“Well, I guess we’ll never know if you won’t tell me,” Hannah responded primly. Then she shot me another calculating look. “I do know the names of some of your conquests, though.”
Shit, I was losing control of this conversation fast. I needed to change the topic.
“Aside from my sexual history,” I shot her a pointed look, basically demanding she drop it, “what else have you heard? Don’t feel the need to mention the mob thing, because we already covered that earlier in the week.”
Hannah looked thoughtful for a second, then started holding up her fingers, ticking off each topic with her finger. “Okay, we covered sex, mob…the last, I guess, would be fighting.”
I nodded silently, not sure what she’d heard about that.
“Why do you fight so much?” Hannah looked genuinely curious, rather than judgmental, as I imagined she would be about his subject.
I sighed. “Because I like it.”
Hannah digested this, and after about a minute responded. “Why?”
If she’d been more antagonistic about this topic, like many girls had been before her, I would have blown her off. But she seemed very sincere in trying to understand why I liked fighting. It was irritating and endearing at the same time. Like Hannah herself.
“Fighting serves a couple of purposes for me. I love the adrenaline before a fight—it’s like being high.”
“I’ve never been high.”
No surprise there.
I shot her a droll smile. “I can’t say that shocks me, Hannah.”
She squawked in mock outrage and reached out and socked me in the arm playfully. I couldn’t help but smile at her silly behavior.
“Anyway, aside from the rush, it’s also a way to channel my emotions, mostly my anger. Even if I get my ass kicked, which does happen from time to time, I feel better after. It’s a major release in a way,” I replied, surprised at myself for sharing this much information with her. “Similar to sex, actually,” I added, just to see her reaction.
“Hopefully not too similar,” Hannah said in exaggerated horror.
I laughed as we pulled into Mark Cassidy’s driveway. I looked over at Hannah, who was still grinning a little. I continued to maintain steady eye contact with her, feeling sucked into her royal blue gaze, sucked into her. Her expression changed, her eyes dropping to half-mast. “They aren’t as dissimilar as you might think, Hannah.” She bit her lip and her cheeks bloomed with color. I knew I was turning her on, and it was turning me on.
I finally tore my gaze from her, because I knew if she kept looking at me that way, we would end up in the same situation as the dressing room. I took a deep breath and opened the car door.
“Let’s go.”