Chapter 56

Hannah

Today was turning into a total pile of shit.
I was on top of the world last night, feeling so close with Nikolai, and so physically exhausted I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep almost immediately. When I woke up, I had several reminders of my previous night’s activities, namely a number of incredibly sore muscles, tenderness between my legs and lingering stickiness that made me desperate for a shower.
After getting up, I groaned for a full minute and hobbled my way to the shower. I felt a lot better after standing under the hot water for twenty minutes straight. While I was dressing, my sister knocked on the door, probably more than irritated at my extended grooming time.
“Come in,” I answered.
“Jesus, it took you long enough to shower. Did you go mud wrestling last night after I went to sleep?” Emmy asked sarcastically, frowning in irritation. Her guess wasn’t completely off base.
“Ha ha. I just felt like taking a long shower,” I responded sharply. I darted my eyes to Emmy’s to see if she noticed my defensiveness.
She frowned in suspicion, then rolled her eyes at me and pushed past me to turn the shower on again for herself. “Maybe you should save your long showers for evenings, not school mornings,” she said exasperatedly.
I didn’t respond because she was right, and normally I would never have taken so long, but circumstances sort of dictated my shower time.
“Hey, I talked to Katya Petrov about you yesterday,” I said in an attempt to distract her from her irritation.
Emmy immediately twirled to me, her black eyebrows by her hairline. Emmy peppered me with questions. “You did? What did you say? What did she say about me? Does she know who I am?”
I laughed, pulling my long hair into a French braid. “Jesus, calm down. I told her about you, and she thinks she knows who you are,” I said generously. Katya had no idea who the hell my sister was, but I didn’t want her to feel bad.
“Really?” Emmy gasped with excitement.
“Yeah, she wants to meet up with you at school some time. If you see her, talk to her. She wants to be friends.” I made sure I sent Katya a picture of my sister, so she’d know who the hell she was and wouldn’t freak out when some strange girl came up and started gabbing to her.
“Oh my god, Hannah! You are so awesome! I can’t believe this. Katya Petrov and me—friends!” I had never seen Emmy this animated, and she got really revved up about harp music. She was practically swooning.
“Jesus, Emmy, be a little cooler, okay? You can’t be this geeked up when you talk to her. She’s going to think you’re crazy,” I admonished her good-naturedly.
Emmy took a deep breath. “Right, right, I need to calm down. Got it. Thanks, Hannah,” Emmy said as she wrapped her arms around me from behind and ran to her bedroom with her clothes in her hands. I had no idea what she was doing—it wasn’t like she could pick a different outfit. She wore a uniform.
I got back in my room and checked my phone. I texted Nikolai before I got in the shower, but he hadn’t texted me back. I didn’t know if he was even awake right now, but I decided not to worry about it. There was likely a good explanation.
By the time I went to first period, he hadn’t replied to me and he didn’t appear to be in school. I started to get the same feeling in the pit of my stomach I had had the other day when this happened. I texted Ava and asked if she’d seen Nikolai.
*Ava: Uh oh, disappearing act again??
Hannah: I don’t know. Maybe? Ughhhh.
Ava: I’ll ask around for you. Boys suck!*
At the moment, I had to agree.
After the bell rang, I walked out of class hoping Nikolai would be there waiting, but he wasn’t. I felt disappointment and disbelief begin to swell in my chest. He couldn’t possibly be ghosting me—not after last night. He’d promised to communicate with me. I couldn’t believe he’d lied.
I started walking down the hallway, when the girl Jack had been kissing at the party last week, Jordan, stopped me. She was flanked by a couple of her friends, and strangely—terrifyingly—Jeff Connors. This day was just getting worse and worse. I looked briefly at Jeff and couldn’t help but noticed the still livid-looking bruises on his face.
“Hey, Hannah, have you seen Nikolai?” Jordan asked me in a sincere sounding voice, but her expression was nothing but spiteful. This was not going to be good.
“No, I haven’t. Are you looking for him?” I asked politely, trying to find the fastest reason to exit this conversation.
“No, and I don’t know where he is now, but I know where he was last night,” Jordan responded cryptically, but triumphantly.
I felt my stomach drop to the floor. Had Nikolai told these people that we’d had sex? I felt my stomach burn and tears prickle my eyes at his apparent betrayal. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, like I said I would, but I was starting to feel like a fool. I opened my mouth to say something, anything that would allow me to go find a bathroom stall to cry in when Jeff started muttering to Jordan.
“Tell her! Tell her where he was!” Jeff whispered maniacally. Why the hell was he using Jordan as a mouthpiece?
“I will. Calm down, you fucking spaz,” Jordan shot back to Jeff. It was the one time I looked on Jordan with fondness. Probably the last. “I just thought you’d like to know your boyfriend,” she said in the most mocking way possible. Bitch. She continued, “Was at the strip club off the highway last night. Did you know that? What’s the matter, Hannah, not putting out?” Jordan and her cronies laughed as she said this while Jeff just stared at me crazily.
What the fuck? He left me and went to a strip club? At the moment, I was processing dual, opposite emotions. One half of me was elated that he hadn’t shared with the whole school that he’d slept with me last night, the other was mortified and hurt that he had gone to a strip club. As I stared at them, dumbfounded, Ava slung her arm around my shoulders, guided me down the hall and into the girl’s bathroom and away from the crowd in the hallway.
“Are you alright?” Ava asked, compassion and pity stamped all over her face.
She knew.
“You heard, didn’t you?”
Ava looked pained. “Yes, I heard in my first period class and came to find you immediately after the bell rang. Have you heard from him yet?”
I leaned against the sink and stared at the ceiling, willing away the tears that were welling in my eyes. “No.”
“I’m so sorry, Hannah, but if it makes you feel better, it might not be true. I mean, Jeff Connors is the one spreading the rumor, and he has every reason to lie,” Ava said, putting her hand on my shoulder in a consoling gesture.
“I guess that’s true, but where is he? Why isn’t he responding to me?”
Ava sighed. “I don’t know. Is something going on with you guys? Did something happen? Did you fight?”
I felt myself blushing as I shot Ava a quick glance. “Not exactly.”
“What happened? You’re blushing! Did you guys fool around or something last night?” Ava switched gears from supportive friend to curious interrogator within seconds.
“We… we had sex,” I blurted out and looked at her. Her eyes were bugging out and her jaw was hanging open.
“Oh my god, are you serious? That’s awesome,” she squealed. Then her expression dropped, and she frowned. “Wait a minute, weren’t you a virgin?” I nodded. “And you guys had sex for the first time—for your first time—and he isn’t returning your messages now?” Ava asked, sounding suspicious, disgruntled, and confused.
My feelings exactly.
“Yep,” I replied as I grabbed a paper towel, wet it, and wiped my face. I hadn’t really cried, but I’d teared up enough to affect my mascara. Mascara I had just started wearing a week ago. Everything was backfiring on me.
“Oh, Hannah, I’m so sorry. Let me find Jack and see if he knows anything,” Ava offered.
I shot her a curious look. “Are you that tight with Jack these days?”
Now Ava was the one blushing. “Well, not really, I mean, we talk, but it’s not like there’s anything going on,” Ava babbled out, indicating something was definitely going on with Jack.
I smiled at her awkwardness. “Yeah, find out what you can. Besides being upset, I’m also a little worried. It’s not like Nikolai has the all-American family.”
Ava nodded. “Good point. You know, one good thing happened: Jeff was so eager for you to know where Nikolai supposedly was last night, but he still didn’t dare talk to you. At least that’s one positive that came out of this,” Ava finished with a slightly forced glass-half-full tone in her voice.
In this moment, I had never appreciated her friendship more. I gave her an impromptu hug. “You’re right. I need to look on the bright side,” I said, but we both knew I was lying.