Chapter 44

Since I was late, I didn’t see Nikolai, or anyone else, before I got to class. I hated arriving late; it was so embarrassing to have everyone stare at you. Fortunately, the class was doing group work, so there was a low buzz of conversation to camouflage my entrance. I quickly took my seat and joined the group closest to me.
I scooted my desk over while giving the other three members an apologetic smile. My group consisted of Amy Marshall, who was kind of a social outsider like me, Matt Holloway, who was most definitely a social insider, mostly known for baseball, and Cara Mitchell, another insider, but more low level. I remembered seeing both Matt and Cara at the party last week, but I didn’t talk to them.
Amy had the novel we were reading in class open and was furiously scribbling notes. Matt and Cara had unopened novels in front of them but were mostly talking to each other.
“Sorry, what are we doing?” I asked, eager to at least help Amy out a little bit, as it looked like Matt and Cara were comfortable letting her do all the work.
“We’re finding examples in the book of the different themes in the novel,” Amy muttered, not taking her eyes off her work.
I dug my book out of my backpack and looked at the board, so I could see what themes the teacher was looking for. I opened the book but was brought up short by Cara.
“So, Hannah, you’re dating Nikolai Ivanov, right?” Cara asked, frowning. She had dark blonde hair and hazel eyes that looked me up and down, as if taking in my newly updated appearance and trying to figure what was going on. I shot a look at Matt, who was also looking at me speculatively, and if I wasn’t mistaken, appreciatively. I felt my face flushing red under his appraisal. This was the part of dressing more noticeably that I struggling to adjust to.
I cleared my throat. “Yep.”
Cara look became avid as she leaned in towards me. “So, you know about the fight he got into last night, right? Do you know what it was about? Was it about you?”
I looked at her, stunned. “Fight?”
Cara looked puzzled. “You didn’t hear?
I shook my head slowly. “What happened?” I dropped my novel, having completely lost focus on the assignment.
Cara looked at Matt and turned back to me. “We don’t know. We just know that Nikolai, Jack, and a couple of other guys got into it with a bunch of kids from Briar Ridge last night. We thought maybe you knew what happened. I mean, it’s not unheard of that guys from our school get into fights with guys at the private school, but usually there’s some drama that went on beforehand.” She smiled impishly. “I just wanted to know the drama.”
I sat there feeling totally swamped by conflicting feelings. I was simultaneously frustrated and saddened that Nikolai went out and started a fight with someone. I knew he started it. He was mad about what happened with his dad, so he chose to deal with those emotions by fighting. I hated that he turned to violence, but felt compassion for him too, knowing how much his father upset him.
I gave Cara a small, fake smile in return. “I guess I’m going to have to get to the bottom of this.”
Cara responded with a conspiratorial smile of her own. “Definitely, and when you do, come back and fill us in.”
I nodded dumbly, picking up the book so I could pretend I was focusing on the assignment, although I didn’t read a word on the page.
When the bell rang, I popped out of my seat and ran out the door, eager to go find Nikolai and talk to him. Yesterday, he had been waiting for me after every class, but he wasn’t there today. Now I was starting to worry. Did we break up? Is that what this silence was? Him ghosting me?
I stood there like an idiot for another minute, thinking that maybe he was running late. After a moment, I texted him, asking where he was and waited another minute. Nothing.
Feeling stupid, I started trudging to my next class. How could I have trusted him? A small, sad part of me figured this would never last, but Jesus, twenty-four hours? I thought it would last longer than that. What I felt like doing right now was running home, burying my face in a pillow and crying for the next three weeks. Concerns about Jeff started to creep into the edges of my awareness. Was he at school today?
I took a frantic look around and didn’t see him, but stepped up my pace to my next class, now realizing, as I slipped back into my old patterns, how nice it had been not to worry. For a day. Dammit. As I continued my downward spiral into self-pity, Ava walked up beside me and nudged with her elbow.
“Hey, girl, why the hell are you practically running?” She asked jokingly but was frowning a little and looking back behind me as if she might find a gang of ninjas or a yeti behind me.
I looked at her and smiled with relief. I still had Ava. I could share with her what was going on with Nikolai and get her opinion.
“I think Nikolai broke up with me,” I blurted out.
Ava stopped walking and looked at me in shock. “What? Why do you think that? Yesterday, he would barely let you out of his sight.”
I frowned at the reminder and pulled her aside to stand by some lockers. “I know, that’s what makes this all so confusing. Nikolai kind of got into an…altercation with his dad yesterday, then, when he dropped me off, he was in a super weird mood. Kind of closed off.” It felt so good to share this with someone. “He never contacted me last night or today, and then I find out he was in a fight last night. Now, he isn’t here to meet me after my class, and I haven’t been able to contact him.”
Ava frowned. “Who did he get in a fight with?”
“I have no idea. All I know is he got into a fight last night with Jack and some other guys.”
“He fought Jack and some other guys?” Ava asked, her eyes bugging out in shock.
“No, no, Nikolai, Jack and some other guys got into a fight with some guys at Briar Ridge, but I don’t know why.” This had Ava frowning severely.
“Jack fought, too?” she asked, her frown getting more intense.
“I don’t know, Ava, that’s just what I heard. I don’t know anything,” I practically wailed.
“Right, right, sorry,” she responded distractedly, bringing her phone up as if she wanted to use it, then bringing her focus back to me.
“Well, Hannah, let’s be real. If he was in a fight, him not being here could be for a bunch of reasons. Maybe he’s in the hospital? Maybe he got arrested? Maybe he just looks really messed up from the fight and didn’t want anyone seeing him?” Ava tossed these suggestions out with an encouraging smile, as if they would all be much more appealing alternatives to Nikolai blowing me off. I can’t say I disagreed, not that I wanted him to be in the hospital or in jail.
Then I started to feel guilty. Ava was right, what if Nikolai was in jail or in the hospital? I pulled out my phone and quickly typed him a message.
Hannah: Are you okay? Are you in school today? I’m worried about you.
I waited again. No response. Of course, this only fed my fear that he was hurt or incarcerated. Or blowing me off. I was still undecided which was worse.
“I’ve got to go to class, Hannah. Keep me updated, okay?” Ava gave me I was sure what she thought was a reassuring smile, but actually looked more like a grimace of pain. I guess she figured out all of the options sucked, too.
I nodded my head and marched into class.