Chapter 41

Hannah

I laid there naked with Nikolai, yet again awed at how my life had changed. Sex was, roughly, one million times better than I had ever imagined. I said as much to Nikolai. 

He rolled me over on my back, him still on his side propped up on his elbow. His hand lightly rubbed over my collarbone and what I imagined were new hickeys there. He gave me a smug smile.
“Of course, it is. I’m the one you’re having sex with,” he asserted with easy self-confidence.
I swatted him on the arm and laughed at his arrogance. “Of course, you would you say that.”
Nikolai smiled, but then his expression grew serious as he ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “In all honestly, Hannah, making all of this good for you is important to me. I know you’ve never had sex before.” His lips quirked and he said, “I *like* that you’ve never had sex before.”
I quickly opened my mouth to call him out on how hypocritical he was being. I was well aware of his reputation with girls.
“Wait,” Nikolai said as he put his thumb over my mouth. “I know exactly what you’re going to say. I know it sounds shitty to be happy that I get to be the person introducing you to sex, but it’s not for the reasons you think.”
I shot him a doubtful look.
He huffed out a laugh. “Okay, it’s partially for the reasons you think, and partially for other reasons. Yes, I am possessive enough to like that you haven’t had any other men touch you. Yes, it’s totally hypocritical,” he acceded. “But the other reason I’m grateful is because I trust myself to be careful with you. To take care of you.”
“You don’t think any other guy would have done that?” I asked curiously.
“Fuck no. Most guys are thoughtless assholes who only care about getting a piece of ass and getting off,” Nikolai asserted with a severe frown on his face, as if imagining me with another, less conscientious guy. I laughed at his obvious bias.
Yes, another guy might have been careful, and thoughtful, and gentle, but another guy would not have been Nikolai.
I reached up and put my fingers over the lines on his forehead, as if ironing the creases with my fingertips. “I’m glad it’s you, too. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else.”
“That’s the way it’s going to stay, too,” Nikolai said with finality and dropped a kiss on my mouth. He shot a quick look at the clock and sighed. “I better get you home.” I looked at the clock myself and saw it was close to five.
“Yeah, my sister’s going to be shocked I didn’t come home on the bus. I have been pretty consistent about coming home at the same time for the past, oh, three years.” I laughed humorlessly as I reached for my discarded clothing.
I had just gotten my bra and panties on when Nikolai took my face in his palms. “You know you don’t have to worry about that shit anymore, right?” His brow was furrowed again, as if unhappy that I would still be worrying about Jeff.
I sighed. It was so hard to trust, to believe. “I know…” I responded uncertainly, not meeting his eye.
“Hannah, look at me.” He waited until I met his intense, crystalline gaze. “He won’t ever bother you again. Nobody will. I guarantee it.” His expression never wavered, as if he was waiting for some type of indication that I had faith in what he was saying. I felt my eyes start to fill with tears, feeling the tentative stirrings of trust well up in my chest.
I knew this was why I originally sought Nikolai out—to help keep me safe, to protect me. While I’d hoped he’d help me, I realized in that moment that I never trusted him to keep doing it. As though every time he protected me might be the last, so I needed to prepare myself to be on my own again.
I slowly nodded my head and he pulled me in for a kiss. “Thank you,” I murmured against his chest. I felt a light kiss on the crown of my head.
Nikolai pulled away. “Okay, we need to get going.” We quickly resumed dressing and headed for the bedroom door hand-in-hand.
As we headed down the stairs to the door, we were brought up short by the sound of a voice.
“*Dobryy vecher*, Nikolai.”
We both stopped short and turned to the right. In what looked like a library or office stood what must have been Nikolai’s father. He looked a lot like Nikolai, but with about thirty extra pounds on him. His dark hair was streaked with silver, and instead of crystal blue eyes, his eyes were dark brown, almost black. He was dressed in what looked like an expensive suit, but my ignorance of fashion had already been repeatedly demonstrated, so who knew? Based on the house he lived in, I was going to assume it was expensive.
Nikolai quickly let go of my hand but moved a half step ahead and slightly in front of me. “*Dobryy vecher, Otets*,” Nikolai responded in what I assumed was Russian. If the presence of his father wasn’t so unsettling, hearing Nikolai speak Russian would have been a huge turn on.
“*Kto eta devushka*?” Nikolai’s father asked, gesturing to me.
“She’s somebody from school. We were working on a project together,” Nikolai responded flatly in English. I felt slightly hurt by his characterization of our relationship, but then remembered that Nikolai did not have a good opinion of his father.
Nikolai’s father smirked, then walked up to us. “Hello, young lady, I am Yuri Ivanov, Nikolai’s father.” Nikolai’s father purred these heavily accented words as he extended his hand to me.
“Uh, nice to meet you.” I had no idea what to do, so I gave him my hand. He took it and held it up to his mouth, kissing it softly. The look he was giving me passed courteous introduction and moved quickly to overt leering. I shot a quick glance at Nikolai, and I could see muscles in his jaw clenching.
“What is your name, girl?” Yuri asked, his cold black stare fixed on me, still holding my hand close enough to his face that I felt his breath on my knuckles.
Finally, Nikolai grabbed my hand away from his father. “Enough.” Nikolai didn’t hold my hand himself after he pulled it out of his father’s grasp, so I moved both of my hands behind my back and out of striking distance of Nikolai’s increasing creepy father.
“You don’t like when I hold your schoolmate’s hand, Kolya?” Yuri’s emphasis indicated he was aware we were more than just school friends.
Nikolai rolled his eyes. “I’m going to drop off my schoolmate,” Nikolai responded. “I’ll be back later.” Nikolai turned to me and indicated with his chin to move in the direction of the door, but he didn’t touch me.
The waves of tension emanating off of him were seismic. I scurried to the door, opened it, and practically ran to the car. Nikolai slammed the front door and stalked to the car, opening the car door and slamming that door shut, as well. Quickly, he turned the car on and threw it in gear, speeding out of the driveway and onto the road. Nikolai continued to increase his speed as we drove, taking corners so sharply the tires squealed.
“Jesus, Nikolai, slow down,” I finally yelled. I knew he was upset but murdering us was no way to deal with it. Nikolai took a deep breath and started to slowly decelerate.
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Hannah,” Nikolai muttered gruffly.
“It wasn’t so bad,” I asserted brightly, lying through my teeth.
Nikolai shot me a disbelieving look and huffed out a humorless laugh. “It was fucking awful. You looked terrified the entire time. Just how he likes people.” Nikolai shook his head.
“Look, Nikolai, I know what your father does. I mean, it’s the reason I sought you out in the first place. I figured he wasn’t going to be this friendly guy,” I reasoned.
“Let’s…let’s just not talk about him.” Nikolai’s expression became impassive. It was strange to see him shut down so completely, but it flashed me back to the expression he wore the first time I spoke to him. Closed off, disengaged, cold. I felt darts of anxiety prickling at my skin as he continued his stoic silence the entire ride to my house.
I cleared my throat, feeling suddenly awkward. “Thanks for the ride.”
Nikolai let out another deep breath and turned to me. “Sorry, Hannah, I’m in a kind of fucked-up head space right now.” He leaned over, curled his hand around my neck and kissed me on the mouth once, hard. He pulled back slightly, then kissed me again slower, softer. “I’ll talk to you later.”
I wanted to ask him what that meant. Did that mean he’d call me tonight? Text me? Was later tomorrow? However, he didn’t look much in the mood to deal with my relationship-related ignorance. “Uh, okay, great.” I smiled but didn’t entirely mean it.
“Bye,” he said gruffly, already pulling his phone from his pocket. Who was he going to call? God, I hated being swamped by this sudden insecurity.
“Yeah, bye,” I said as I closed the car door. I walked up to my house and he waited until I was inside, but I saw that he was on the phone with someone. Once again, I found myself nearly eaten alive by curiosity and suspicion.
After I closed the door, he drove off. I had experienced the endorphin-fueled highs of being in a relationship today. The fun, the bonding, the physical intimacy, the vulnerability. Now, as I watched his car speed away, I realized I was being introduced to the shitty part. The fear, the anxiety, the doubt.
It sucked.