162
My day will consist of nothing but sitting around unless I plan something productive. I end up in Jake’s rarely-used home office with my laptop, trying to work through everything Margo has forwarded at my request. That month I was away from being Jake’s PA, and this side of the business is making it difficult for me to slot back into this role, and I’m finding it less satisfying.
During the time we’ve spent at the office since returning, I’ve barely made a dent in the workload and found every file ridiculously hard to focus on. My mind always wanders to the six-foot-two hunk in the next room. I used to love working for and with Jake, but now, looking back, I think it was more than just the job; it was him and being around him, even if I couldn’t admit it to myself back then. Now that he is mine, he’s all I can focus on, and I’m finding returning to PA mode more than difficult.
Staying home today hadn’t only been because Jake insisted. I didn’t want to go in and deal with the mundane. My head is all over the place, and old in-control-and-got-her-crap-together Emma is so far removed from who I have become; this is getting difficult. The change in dynamics between us has altered how I feel about my career, something which shocks me to the core. I have more than just a job now; I have a future to look forward to. I have hope. I have love from someone who makes me re-evaluate everything I had planned for and painstakingly worked toward in the man-free, single life I had.
By lunch, I am completely fed up and close to tears at my inability to focus; I need a change of scenery. Looking through my clothes, I find something feminine and floaty, bought by Donna, the personal shopper, something I’d previously dismissed as ‘not my thing,’ and throw it on. I’m aware of how differently I have begun dressing because of Jake. Romantic clothes that I would never have tolerated before, soft, girly dresses, cute shoes, and accessories, my whole style is losing the hard, tailored, cold PA look. It’s becoming far more like young, college girlfriend style, a style I have never embraced, but somehow, seeing the look on his face when I dress this way makes a world of difference. I don’t have to be scared of attracting sleazy men anymore; I have my protector, who will rip men apart who try to touch me. I like that Jake has that slash of jealousy to match mine; it makes me feel less insecure and stupid. He is my security blanket now; I don’t need my armor anymore.
* * *
I get Jefferson to take me to Queens to see Sarah before she heads out to work, and we spend some time catching up in front of the TV. It seems like forever since I was here, even though it’s only been a few days. Marcus is at work, having finally found himself a regular nine-to-five position in an office, and things seem to have settled between the ever-sparring couple. I notice the apartment looks different, with small, subtle, masculine changes such as a new stereo and upgraded TV. Part of me feels a little hurt that he’s changing things with Sarah, and I’m no longer part of the decisions or part of the atmosphere anymore. I guess it’s a good sign, though; we’re going in our own directions, letting life lead us.
I enjoy my time with Sarah, and while watching her make us some food, I catch up with Sophie on the phone.
“I’m doing good,” Sophie tells me. “I like my school. And Leila takes me shopping almost every weekend. She’s awesome, and I love that she says she’s your bestie,” she giggles with obvious affection for her new sister. Leila has hinted to me that Sophie has befriended Arrick Carrero too.
“Tell her I’ll come too next time you go. I could do with some new girly things,” I smile, and I mean it. I catch Sarah throwing me a puzzled look, and I mouth, “Shopping.” She looks alarmed, and I laugh at her reaction. I guess the old me would never have wanted to go on a girly shopping spree. The old me ordered all her clothes online and never cared about anything girly.
“That would be amazing,” Sophie says excitedly. “Leila never shuts up about you … and Jake,” she adds hesitantly, then bravely asks, “Are you two really together now? Like, as in, properly a couple?”
“Yes, we are,” I answer proudly and smile at her satisfied giggle on the other end, my face warming at her childish laugh. It’s so good to hear my girl sounding happy. After everything, she sounds genuinely delighted, and a huge lump forms and lodges in my throat.
“Good, because you already seemed like a really good couple. He looks after you,” she remarks as though giving her blessing, no hint of the scared, sad girl that she was in Chicago not so long ago.
“Yes, he does. He’s perfect,” I agree, and that longing for him to come home washes over me again. I check my watch and catch another disdainful look from Sarah. She’s scolded me for my constant time-checking since I arrived. Jake won’t be home until the middle of the night, and it’s only mid-afternoon. Not long now.
Emma, you’re one of those predictable, pathetic women who cannot function without their man!
The phone conversation soon turns to my mother, and Sophie is overjoyed to hear I’m finally going to see her to smooth things over; the girl has real affection for my mother. Despite all my issues with her, my memories, and my past, Sophie only knows a woman who took her in when she needed someone, leading her to me. She begs me to take her next time, once she breaks from school, and makes me promise. I can’t tell her that I regret making plans to go; she would never understand.
Before long, Sarah needs to leave for work, and I get Jefferson to drive her there before taking me back to the city. It’s still early, but I’m restless, so I swing by Carrero House to collect some files from Margo.
Maybe if I throw myself into it without Jake around to distract me, I might finally feel capable of doing this job again.
I arrive on the sixty-fifth floor and ignore the looks of almost everyone I pass. I can’t decide if the glances are because I’m Jake’s girlfriend now or because I’m dressed in a romantic, floaty dress and look nothing like PA Emma. I stick my chin up defiantly and walk on regardless, with confidence glowing from me that seems to be flourishing with love.
* * *
I end up sitting in Jake’s chair in his office; I’ve kicked off my shoes and have my bare feet curled up under me as I pour over the documents Rosalie has brought for me. Much of it is just reading and catching up, like the merger details, some other small projects Jake has on the go, and a few updates to company policy. It all just blurs together, and soon I’m distracted and bored.
Bored? I never bore of work.
I check my watch again, sighing that it’s barely 6.00 p.m. At least he should be on his way to the airport around now. I frown as I realize he’s not called me since this morning; I didn’t want to call him in case it interrupted the meeting. But he’s not even sent one text, which simultaneously shocks me and hurts me. I check my phone and suddenly realize the battery died at some point between Sarah’s and here. I search for Jake’s charging dock and plug it in; it’s too dead even to switch on, so I leave it alone.
Completely bored, I swivel my chair and watch the New York scenery. With a heavy sigh, I let the papers slide down my lap. Leaning back in the chair and curling my feet under my legs, I smile at the fact this is the first time I’ve sat in Jake’s chair. Even as his PA, I would never have dreamed of commandeering his office and snuggling in his chair; somehow, it seemed too intimate, yet here I am now, using his chair and his office to feel closer to him. This office is as much his style as his apartment. All masculine colors, modern art, and tiny, sentimental touches. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his scent lingering in the room.
It’s starting to rain, nothing heavy, just gentle rivulets of water running down the vast windows, and it’s almost mesmerizing, highlighting the fact I’m tired. Last night it was hard enough to fall asleep, but waking with my nightmare and waking early have taken their toll on me. Lately, I have been feeling the effects of living with someone who rarely sleeps. He’s up early and wakes me with him, or he keeps me awake late into the night with sex or talking. I need to start being firmer with him; this fatigue that’s almost daily right now is a little annoying and makes me more emotional.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and Rosalie comes in as I turn to face her, still tucked up in Jake’s oversized chair.
“That’s me heading off, Emma.” She smiles widely at me, hovering by the door.
“Okay, Rosalie, thank you. Just go. I’ll probably head off soon,” I reply before using the desk to push my chair back around to the skyline. The sky is darkening, threatening a proper rainstorm, and I hope it doesn’t affect Jake’s flight coming back from LA. The clouds are rolling and turning in the sky, and it’s almost mystical to watch. I slide down, getting comfy. I always loved watching a good storm safely in the warmth of a building. I hear Rosalie depart with the soft click of the door and settle down.
Before calling for Jefferson to come to get me, I'll relax and enjoy the peace of Jake’s office and this amazing view.
* * *
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