42
I intend to pack while waiting for Sophie, as I want us to leave tonight; there’s no reason to prolong the agony of this place any longer than that. I slide out of the car and dismiss the driver in front of the shady convenience store, ignoring the two drunk men sprawled on the pavement. It looks as though one of them is lying in a puddle of urine, and I grimace as I scoot past and let myself in the side door.
I turn the corner onto the upper landing, the keys in my hands, ready to let myself in. Noise in front of me causes my head to snap up in reaction, and I take in a dark figure standing against the wall in the shadows. I freeze, blood coursing through me at speed, sending my heart rate up. There’s something familiar yet terrifying about the figure. I know they see me too, and I stand still, hoping I don’t make it evident that I am rattled. They continue staring back at me.
“Well, well, well,” the hoarse, gritty voice comes at me icily, my body recoiling inside and my brain freezing at the sound. Even after all this time, I know that voice, which makes my insides shrivel up.
Ray Vanquis stands five feet away from me like a mad man in the shadows, his eyes glinting cruelly before stepping into the light. Six feet of tattooed, menacing rage and muscle, he’s the devil from my nightmares. I gasp, and my body goes into high alert, adrenaline coursing as I begin to tremble. Fear grips me, but I stand my ground.
Oh, my god!
“What are you doing here?” I snap coldly, bringing my shorter height up to appear more menacing, attempting to look in control. Ice and hatred are in my voice as teen Emma bristles up, getting ready to defend adult Emma. Every hair stands on end.
“I came by to see Jocelyn … to talk to her.” He sounds amused because he thinks I’m intimidated by him, but he keeps his distance. My body vibrates with nerves. I reach into my bag and feel for my cell; it’s the only other thing I have that I can use as a weapon besides my keys. I have nothing else, not even my trusty mace, which was constant when I lived here. I think of the baseball bat in my old closet, something I slept with many a night, and wonder if I can get inside to get it, to feel safer while in the presence of this monster.
Would he follow me? Is he going to hurt me?
“What could my mother have to say to you after all this time?” I spit, edging toward the door slowly but keeping my gaze firmly on him as I near him, untrusting. He smirks, and with that look, a light switches on in my head.
Surely not? She wouldn’t do this to me, even the way she is. She wouldn’t take back Ray after what he did to me and have a relationship with him again, would she?
The confusion, anger, and panic whizzes through my head at a hundred miles an hour. Obviously, he sees the realization dawn on my face, and he grins in that lop-sided sneer he has. He’s the one she’s been with, who beat her to a pulp. It flashes like a spark in my head, pushing all rational and logical behavior entirely out of sight.
“You bastard!” I scream and lunge without thought, fueled by hatred. My nails and keys slice at his face as I attempt to kick at him. He’s surprised by my fierce, impulsive attack, caught off guard, and tries to shield his face as I rain my fists on his head. It’s a stupid, insane move. His rage ignites. Grabbing my wrists, he thrusts me hard against the wall, knocking the breath out of me. He spins me and shoves me roughly into the cold concrete wall with enough force to almost break ribs, and I gasp for air, adrenaline spiking with ferocity. Memories of his attack so many years ago flash through my mind, and I fight back with all my might, pure survival instinct. Pushing myself back hard using hands and knees so that I collide with him, I elbow and stamp as he tries to encircle me. Teen Emma is in full rage and fight mode.
I started this, and I know there is no one to save me this time. He’s twice my size, multiple times my strength. I’m no match. He lifts me off my feet, squeezing around my pinned body with his massive arms so that I can’t breathe. I begin to gasp. I can’t move. Nausea rises with the blackness coming in around me, terrified I’ll pass out. I know what he’ll do to me if I do. I struggle to pull air into my lungs and focus on staying conscious. My voice lost in an effort to breathe.
Without warning, he violently throws me on the floor in a heap and cackles as I crumble into lifeless submission. He kicks me, so I fall forward into a slump and walks off laughing, amused at his conquest, leaving me broken, devastated, and huddled like a child.
He’s achieved the humiliation he desired, satisfied with his little power trip and exertion over me. He’s showed me who is still boss as he goes on his way while giving himself a high five, and I want to die. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I break down and cry, crumpled on the floor.
I crawl to my feet, falling against the front door weakly. Sobs rack my body painfully as I pull myself up to rest against the door and drag air into my bruised lungs. My forehead falls against the chipped surface as I try wildly to ground myself and bring some sense of calm back to my despair. Shame descends over me at my defeat, my stupidity. My fingers and hands splay across the door as I try to keep my body from self-imploding while shaking violently. I stand in the shadows gulping down air frantically.
“Emma?” Jake’s voice is suddenly behind me. Then he’s beside me, hauling me into the warm protective circle of his arms, a crazy surreal instance. His heady scent and warm body envelopes me in safety. It’s like being lifted into a bubble of protection, a homecoming, and all I can do is submit.
Oh, my god. Jake, my perfect Jake!
Why is he here? Is this real? Where did he come from?
I don’t care right now; I feel like I’ve been pulled into the warmest warmth of my life, comforted and protected. I love that he’s around me. I need him around me, pulling me back from devastation, concealing me from the world.
I need him so badly right now. Maybe I’m dreaming. I hope I’m not.
“Bambina! What’s happened? Is it your mother?” His smooth, husky voice is in my hair, in my ear, his warm breath on my cheek bringing back the calm and sense to my inner world. My sobbing calms at the feel of him. He’ll always be my lifebuoy, my lighthouse in the dark.
I shake my head, allowing my arms to creep around his waist, holding onto him tightly, clinging to the familiarity of his body and his skin against mine. I need him more than I need air right now.
He came. He’s here. He ignored me telling him not to come. “Give Me A Reason.” It was about why he shouldn’t come!
It doesn’t even surprise me, as Jake never follows the rules. I can’t even be angry with him because he’s everything I want and need to pull me back from the darkness that almost consumed me moments before.
“Talk to me, Emma. You’re scaring me.” His voice is raspy, wavering, and I lift my wet face and swallow my emotion. With genuine concern in his eyes, he’s looking at me in a way I’ve never had anyone look at me. He has no idea how he makes me feel or how much he has changed every part of me and my world. I need him. I need his security, calm reasoning and confidence, and way of making everything okay—my protector.
“You just missed the man who tried to rape me at eighteen. He reminded me that I’d never be able to match him,” I blurt out painfully, unsure why I’m even telling him this. Because he’s really here, I think it’s shock, and it just comes out without filter as I begin to shake. I just need to.
“What?” His jaw tightening, his face breaks into something I never expected to see on him: pure, undiluted fury. He looks terrifying with instant aggression as my words connect with his brain.
“Did he hurt you, Emma?” he snarls, and the air around us is immediately charged with electricity emanating from his pores. I don’t recognize this version of Jake. I nod, unable to say anymore, sure I must look exactly like Sophie did when she admitted her father abused her. Jake curses and lets me go, his body buzzing with tension and power. His high voltage energy crackling, he tenses his jaw and paces across the hall.
“I passed a guy coming in here: tall, stocky, tattooed, with a shaved head … is that him?” His voice grinds through his teeth, revealing a venom in him I’ve never known him to possess. He scares me like this, and all I can do is nod.
“Mother fu …” He turns and speeds down the stairwell pursuing my attacker without a second thought.
Oh, my god, no. Jake, no!
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