Good bye

“Oh bloody hell” she groaned and splashed water over her face.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” she screamed and scrambled to find paper towels or anything that could help save her face.

You absolutely do not splash your face with water when your face is full of make-up and you have mascara on. With some luck she saved her face, but her day was ruined.

She looked into the mirror and said, “You are an idiot. You are an absolute bloody idiot. Vansh is a great fucking guy and your insecurities are ruining you. You have to communicate. You have to bloody communicate. This is your first relationship and you will not lose it because you were afraid to speak. I do not allow it”

She hated how her afternoon had ended.

Her morning started on such a positive note and then her head had to come and ruin the whole day, for no reason. The excitement, the shivers, the fantasies, all of them were ruined simply because her head decided to.

“What did I ever do to you, brain?” she questioned as she remembered how an hour ago she was standing in his office, her heart beating rapidly, her brain running a mile per minute and her eyes downcast. She couldn’t look him in his face.

She felt guilty.

She felt like a cheater.

She stood there silent for a while and Vansh just stared at her. She didn’t like her thoughts and she wanted him to make her forget all of that and consume her with himself. But he stood still.

A minute passed. Then five.

None of the two moved.

Her head was bent low while he stared at her.

At last, when she lost her patience, she looked up and asked, “What’s wrong?”

He kept staring at her and she immediately felt guilty again. He leaned back on the table and asked, “I should be asking you that question.”

He moved towards her and took her face in his hands.

He stared in her eyes, his grey-blue eyes were full of emotions swirling in them. She could see trust, concern, lust, doubt, anger, passion, but most of all love in his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Shreya?” he asked sweetly. So sweet, her heart ached.

“Nothing, nothing” she shook her head and her eyes found the ground again.

“Look at me” he commanded, and she followed without missing a beat.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again, his voice gentle.

“Nothing”

He repeated the same question, again and again. He was gentle, too gentle, though hints of irritation could be detected. And that somehow led her to believe that he was fake. No one can be this gentle, this patient.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, probably for the fiftieth time but this time it was her annoyance and insecurities that answered.

“Nothing is bloody wrong with me. Would you stop with that already?” she shouted at him.

“No. Something is wrong. You can’t even meet my eye. Did you do something or did something happen to you?”

“No”

“Shreya, what’s wrong?” he asked.

In answer, she rolled her eyes.

“Do not roll your eyes at me and answer” He said, in a voice full of retrained anger.

“Nothing” she mumbled.

“Shreya” he warned.

“Nothing happened. I’m fucking fine” she shouted, her voice high enough to be heard out the door.

“Do not raise your voice” he commanded.

“Or what?” she asked and smirked.

He groaned and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Can you just tell me what’s wrong already?” he fired at her.

“Can you just spank me already?” she shot back.

“No. Get out” he said and turned around. He went to his seat and ignoring her presence completely, sat down on his chair and started working.

“Fine” she said, stomped her foot and turned around.

“Shreya” he called, and when she turned around without lifting his head from his files, said, “Come back when your brain starts working and you are ready to share. You can take the rest of the day off.”

She left his cabin and after pacing the corridor for a while ended up in the bathroom. Even after thirty minutes of monologues with herself, she couldn’t find the courage to tell him how her head was eating at her.

She left the office in a sour mood that day, without completing any work at all.

The whole night she tossed and turned and kept repeating to herself how he was good and trust worthy, that she had no reason to be afraid of the control he had over her. Vansh was a good man and he wouldn’t exploit or use her.

But even after everything she tried, she couldn’t sleep nor could she convince her useless fucking mind that Vansh wasn’t using her, and that he genuinely likes her ugly self.

The next day arrived with dark circles under her eyes. She covered it up and arrived to office, pretending to forget all about yesterday and hoping he did the same too.

With a fake smile that she tried to pass as real, she knocked on his door. She entered his office and all of her hopes crushed.

He was sitting on his chair, with a file in his hand and his eyes set on hers. He looked dashing in his light blue shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes. She wanted to rip off his clothes and lick every inch of his skin. Before her fantasies run its wild course and her lips could wish good morning, he asked, “Are you ready to tell?”

When she stayed silent, he pointed to his right where a stack of files sat. “Schedule the week and prepare all the documents for the meetings on these files. I want them ready by 5 today” he ordered, without looking at her.

When she still stayed silent, he added, “You can go now”

Her lips opened to speak something, but she didn’t know what to say. Should she say she’s sorry? Ask him why he’s mad at her? What could she even tell? There was nothing bloody wrong with her;
it was only her head that loved creating problems. Confused and disheartened, she picked up the files and left.

The day was gloomy and the night sleepless.

The next day started the same. The moment she entered the office, he asked, “Are you ready to
tell?” and didn’t speak anything except to give orders.

The next day went more or less the same, but now, she was annoyed.

The fourth morning when she entered his cabin and he repeated the same question, she folded her
hands and asked, “Have you gone mad? What do you think you’re doing with this?”

He brought his hands in front of him and resting his face on them said, “I’m simply trying to understand what’s wrong with my girl”

“Nothing is wrong with me. How many bloody times do I have to tell that to you?”

“As many times as it takes for it to be true” he replied.

“So what, you think I’m lying?” she asked, raising her brows.

“I know you are lying, something is definitely going in your head”

“And who told you that?”

“You” he replied calmly.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You wanted to talk something important to me but at the last minute you changed your mind and when you should’ve been excited for the afternoon, you seemed sad and distraught.”

“Okay fine, I was a little out-of-it but I don’t want to talk about it”

“You don’t have to, but you, however, have to understand that when I ask you a question, I expect an honest answer, not a lie”

“I’m not lying” she huffed.

“Another lie” he chuckled.

That chuckle sent every vein in her body in overdrive. She didn’t like the sound. She felt patronised. He was laughing at her. He was making fun of her when he clearly knew she was distraught.

“Fine” she shrugged and straightened her spine.

“You want to know what’s going on in my head, right? Then listen. I don’t trust you; I don’t trust you a bit. I’m afraid of the control you have over me and I am convinced that you are only using me for sex. I’m afraid that when things no longer go according to your plan, you’ll blackmail me with the video.

I’m afraid of the sex tape being released. I’m afraid you’ll abuse me. I’m afraid that you’ll break my heart. And I’m afraid that you don’t understand” she finished.

The room went silent. She could only hear the fast beating of her heart and heaviness of her breath. He didn’t speak for a long time. He just stared at her.

“You think I’m using you, that I control you and that I’ll release your sex tape?” he asked, his voice holding all the emotions his face covered. Anger. Sadness. Heartbreak.

“Let’s delete it then” he said and asked her to come forward.

When she stayed still, he added, “Come here. You don’t trust me so it’s better if you see that I’m deleting it”

“I.. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m… I’m sorry” she said and lowered her eyes.

“Come here” he growled and she stepped towards the table tentatively.

When she reached near him, he grabbed her hand in his and deleted the video with her own fingers.

“It’s done. You are free now. Your month will be over in a day, teach the new assistant about her job requirements and you’ll never have to see this abuser every again. Good bye” he said, bitterness seeping through every word he spoke.