Mom and daughter

The disappointment and hurt Shreya saw in her mother’s frame, the one who always stood strong, was enough to rain shiny droplets fall from her eyes. Here sat the woman who raised her to be independent and strong, moral and right, and now she was shattering, all because she couldn’t keep her legs closed.

Shreya knew how close-minded her family was, then why did her brain didn’t act when she first spread her legs for Vansh?

Why didn’t she realize the implications of what she did?

Why didn’t she realize the hurt and shame her family will have to bear?

When had she turned so selfish, to think of no one but herself? Sure, Vansh made her the happiest she had ever been but that does not excuse how this had hurt her mother. She apologized again and again, sobbing silently.

Kanya Sharma, in a voice much controlled and almost robotic, asked, “Tell me all about it, all about you two. Leave no details” and so she did. Shreya told her everything, from the moment she first saw Vansh with lust in his eyes and camera in his hand to the last moment, where they kissed to express how they missed each other.

Her mother listened attentively, not interrupting her ramble-like story. Though she didn’t meet her eyes, she could see how every bit of information was turning the knife in her wound. From her side profile, it was clear to Shreya that even though her mother tried to, she couldn’t hide the tears that ran free.

“Please tell me you at least used protection”, said her mother monotonously.

“Yeah”, muttered Shreya, and after a pause, she nodded her head while adding, “Yeah we did”

“Take a pregnancy test tomorrow, protections aren’t 100% safe”, Shreya nodded her head as an answer.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it then”, her mother said without a hint of emotion as she ascended from her seat.

Shreya was shocked; she didn’t know what to make of this. She had expected her mother to shout at her, lock her in a room, restrict her freedom, threaten her to never meet Vansh again, throw her out of the house, there were so many things she thought her mother would do. But she was going.

She wasn’t saying anything at all, almost as if it would be a hopeless case and waste of breath to tell her anything. Her mother looked like defeat. It felt like she had given up on her only daughter and Shreya didn’t know what to think of it.

“Was it really such a wrong thing to do?”, she asked herself. And though she knew that rationally dating wasn’t a crime and she was old enough to choose who to love, it had still hurt her mother’s feelings. However old-fashioned and narrow-minded they were, they were her mother’s feelings and it was her duty as a daughter to respect them.

In her quest of love, her mother and maybe even father were being collateral damage. Moreover, she thought it was the fact that she brought Vansh over so many times right under her nose that hurt her, but her mother wasn’t saying anything; she was leaving.

This hurt more than her words ever could. She couldn’t bear to lose the relationship she had with her mother, it just wasn’t right, she wouldn’t be able to bear the loneliness, so with a deep inhale, she called, “Mom”

“Please leave me alone Shreya”, replied her mother, but this time there was some emotion behind it. She sounded close to breaking; though she tried to conceal it, the crack at the end of her sentence gave her away.

“No, I’m sorry, mom! Please, just talk to me. I don’t like how you are… how you are… Mom, please. I’m sorry, I’ll never do anything like that, please just talk to me. Scream, shout, slap, whatever just... just... don’t abandon me. Mom ple…”, Shreya begged but her plea was interrupted when Kanya turned around to glare into her eyes.

“What do you want me to say? Why do you want me to say anything when you know as well as I do that you won’t listen to me?”

“No, no, I… I promise I’ll listen to you, I’ll do anything you ask me to do”, Shreya slid on the floor as a fresh tear rolled down her cheek.

“I don’t believe you. I don’t believe your lying promises” she said and it felt like a slap to Shreya. Losing her mother’s trust wasn’t something she ever thought she’d have to face, but now that she did, it felt like someone had murdered her by boiling her in hot oil. She valued her mother’s trust, she couldn’t lose it.

Another tear rolled down her cheek as she looked up at her mother and said, “Mom, I won’t break this promise, I promise. Please trust me”

“Trust?”, Kanya laughed, a hateful, bone-chilling laugh. She said, “I trusted you, didn’t I? And you shattered it into pieces when you slept with him. First time? I get it, you were hormonal and wanted sexual attention but you promised me you would stop talking to him and what did you do? Went and fucked him again. If this is how much, or should I say little, or is it none at all? you respect me, how dare you ask me to trust you again?”

“I will not talk to him ever again, please don’t be upset with me”

“Upset? Who am I to be upset? Maybe ask your boyfriend if he’s upset because this bitch” she pointed to herself, “ruined you session of love, fuck, whatever you call it”

“NO, mom. Please, I won’t ever talk to him.” When her mother didn’t say anything, she added, “I love you”

“I thought so too”, her mother whispered. Gone was the hateful bone-chilling tone, all she heard now was the sound of a betrayed lover. A heartbreaking, painfully sad voice that made her heart bleed.

Shreya looked at her mom with her red-watering eyes and parted lips, lost for words. Every part of her bled for the hurt she had caused her mother and the hit it had taken to their relationship, she mourned for the ever-increasing distance between her and her mother and she mourned for the trust she had broken.

Kanya slid down on the floor and hugged herself tightly, while a lone tear slipped from her eyes. She bent her head low and in a soft, broken voice asked, “You know what hurts the most Shreya?”

“That I lost my virginity and broke your promise”, answered Shreya immediately, eager to explain her point.

Her mother chuckled a fake, heartbreaking chuckle. “No, what hurts me the most is that you never loved or trusted me enough.”

Shreya started to interrupt but when her mother raised her eyes and she saw the transparent diamonds that filled her eyes, she shut up and let her continue.

“I always believed that I was a good mother, you know? I thought that if there was ever a problem or success in your life, I’d be the first one to know. But how foolish I was! I was, perhaps, your only problem while I fancied the idea that I was your problem-solver”

She chuckled again, and said, “For a lawyer, I am quite stupid. I thought we were friends, at least a version of it but surprise! Surprise! I’m not worth a single thought in your head. This realization hurts Shreya, the realization that my daughter was never mine, that she never loved me, that she never trusted me and she could never open up to me, this hurts, right here”, she pointed to her heart.

“No, mom, that’s not true”, cried Shreya as she crawled closer to her mother.

“I know that I always advised you against boys, I always said to wait for your marriage, but tell me, why did you never tell me about him? What did you think I’d do if you told me about him the first day you met him, or even later when you were sure? Why did you never think of telling me?”, she asked with curiosity so intense it felt like she was seeing straight through her.

“I was... I was afraid you’d throw me out of the house and be disappointed in me”, she said meekly, afraid her mother would start screaming, even though a part of her wanted her to.

“Is this what you think of me, that I’m incapable of understanding your feelings? How heartless do you think I am? Was this how it always was? Was it only me that was naïve enough to think that you know I’d do anything for you?”, her mother asked and she didn’t know how to answer. She loved her mother, but she had always thought it was conditional.

“Sure, I’d have been mad at you, shouted at you but after some time I’d have calmed down. I don’t what you think of me but I’m not a monster, Shrey, after some time I’d have understood that you like him and I’d let you date, though only after I interviewed him. I wouldn't like the idea even then, because it went against all my cultural restrictions but it’d have been better to be informed by you than to find you two kissing each other about to fall in bed.”

“Because then I would be able to trust you because I know that you wouldn’t hide anything from me. I would know that you treasured our love just as I do, and it hurts to know that you don’t. It hurts to know that you don’t care about me at all”, she said and left the room, leaving Shreya gobsmacked and crying on the floor.