Will I have to compete for attention?

“It’s 5 pm, would you two like something to eat?”, asked Vansh, finally sparing a glance towards her, though for just a second.

Before she could say anything, Shanaya stood up and said, “Yes, please, I’m starving”

All three of them walked out of his and he asked, “What would you like to eat?”

Shanaya replied with Chinese and they set out to eat.

As they walked together, with Vansh in the middle, she seemed like a tiny kid next to them. Shanaya was taller than Vansh in her heels and Shreya was just 5. Her body stopped before it even started, it didn’t bother her much before because she thought her height was cute but seeing how good two tall people look together, she realized she just looked like a fool next to Vansh.

She slowed down a bit and walked behind them, trying not to feel like a third wheel and giving them some space. Both of them were engrossed in whatever they were speaking and they didn’t notice her lagging behind.

They stopped in front of Vansh’s car and Shanaya went for the passenger seat. Shreya tried to compose herself and step right to sit at the back. “Shanaya was his childhood best friend, he was allowed to talk and have fun with her. He didn’t have to always worry about her and her tiny problems. They met after a long time, let them be”, she kept telling herself that, the whole ride to the restaurant.

“A table for two?”, asked the waiter, clearly not able to see the short girl standing behind them.

“Three, thanks”, answered Vansh.

“What would you two like to have?”

“Gobi Manchurian and Manchow soup”, said Shanaya.

“Manchow soup and a salad”, said Shreya, not really in a mood to eat. Though Shanaya has asked a filling snack, looking at Shanaya, Shreya couldn’t even think of eating. Shorter and fatter than Shanaya, she already had enough negative points; she didn’t want to add more negatives by eating more.

For some reason though, she wanted Vansh to notice her lack of eating. She didn’t want to eat but she wanted him to ask her to eat, like they did in the novels. Whenever the main character reduced her eating, her love interest would always force her into eating more and tell her all positive things about her body. She wanted to hear that, but of course, she didn’t.

Vansh left to order as it was self-service and she was left with Shanaya. She had to make conversation; she didn’t want her to think badly of her. So she tried to search around her brain for anything intellectual or good-natured to start the conversation with, alas, she ended up with, “Are you a model?”, sounding like a lame pick-up line used in clubs.

Shanaya answered with grace, not showing even the slightest bit of cringe on her lame question. She said, “No, I did try once but that life is not for me. I love travelling and I try exploring and sharing the stories of the amazing people I meet online.”

“That is great. Are you like an influencer?”, asked Shreya excited to know they have at least a little in common. Maybe she isn’t great at everything.

“Not exactly that, I’m a travel blogger and affiliated with NatGeo and two to three other travelling companies”

“Nice, where have you travelled so far?”, she asked.

“Last year, it was Europe. The year before I travelled to Greece and the year before that in the states of India”

“Wow, you’ve travelled a lot. I always think of going somewhere and end up not going”, she chuckled, trying to joke at her life. Shanaya didn’t laugh. Vansh saved her from major embarrassment though, as he came just them with their orders in his hands. She thanked him a million times in her heart.

“What were you two talking about? Not bitching on me, I hope”, Vansh said.

“Shreya was just asking if I was a model”

Vansh smiled and proudly said, “Every time she meets someone new, they ask this question. She looks like a model, dresses like one and acts like one too. It’s actually weird that she isn’t a model”

“Yeah”, said Shreya. What he said was true, it was weird Shanaya wasn’t a model but the amount of pride in his tone bothered. She felt like even if Vansh didn’t necessarily want Shanaya as her partner, he wanted his partner to have her traits and for some reason, she felt like the ‘dresses well’ was a jape at her for this morning when she couldn’t even find a casual outfit to wear.

She felt bad for not being good enough.

She felt bad that she was lowering his standards.

She didn’t like this; she didn’t like this at all. She wanted to be perfect for him, like Shanaya – thin, fair and smart with a good sense of fashion, humour and social life.

They ate in silence. Shanaya didn’t speak while she ate and Vansh wanted to respect it, and Shreya couldn’t talk all by herself so she stayed silent, but her thoughts didn’t.

They were loud.

Her head judged her for the way she held her fork, for the way she chewed and the way she breathed. In comparison to Shanaya, everything about her just seemed cheap and ugly.

She tried telling herself not to overthink everything, but when a man who kept staring at you all the time barely looks at you now, it gets concerning.

She felt like a third wheel.

Is this just a one-day thing or will she have to compete for attention now?

She didn’t know it and right now, she was in no state to know it

So she shut her thoughts (at least she tried) and ate her food. She smiled whenever any of them caught her eye but other than that she did nothing. They finished the last bite of their food as Shanaya declared, “Wow! It was delicious”

“Really delicious”, said Vansh staring at Shanaya, and to Shreya, it didn’t feel like he was talking about food. These feelings were getting on her nerves especially because she didn’t know if she was right to be jealous of her?

Was her jealousy justified or was she just overthinking, like she always does?

“Now what?”, Shanaya asked as she stood up on her tall legs.

“I don’t know, what do you wanna do?”, asked Vansh.

“Swimming?”

“You think you can beat me?”

“Oh I know I can”, replied Shanaya, and it was decided that they would go swimming.

Shreya lagged behind as the two talked about all their previous swimming adventures. She couldn’t stomach the idea of watching Vansh staring at Shanaya’s body in a swimsuit; that would break her. Especially when all her flaws will be highlighted and Shanaya’s perfections will be displayed.

She had always, always been proud of her body. She loved her curves, that was the one thing she was sure she had good, but the way her thoughts were spiralling, she was afraid. She was afraid she’d have another insecurity in her hands if she went swimming with them. The insecurity will only increase if Vansh didn’t give a second glance, which she was sure he wouldn’t.

She wouldn’t be able to handle it.

She knew it, so she decided to skip it.

“Hey! I’m not really into swimming so you two go have fun, I’d rather stay back”, she said trying to sound apologetic while unsure and hurt.

“You liked swimming, no?”, asked Vansh, and she was so happy that he remembered, she forgot all of the reasons she wanted to say ‘no’ but she soon recalled.

“Yeah, I’m just not in a swimming mood today. Also, you two met after a long time, you should be allowed to spend some time together without me hovering at your backs”, she laughed at the end. So what if this hurt her, she could still be kind and she still had enough logical sense to know these best friends needed their reunions private.

“Okay”, said Shanaya and they all sat in his car, Shanaya again in the passenger seat.

They dropped her off to where her bike was parked and left after a short goodbye.

He didn’t even kiss me goodbye, she thought.

Of course, he didn’t, you are standing right in front of the office, you dumb fool, snarled her subconscious like she didn't know it.

Of course, she knew, she just wanted something to be sad over.