Publish Us

Shreya stood rigid as her father’s arms wrapped around her frame. She stood shell-shocked in her place, her arms dangling loose by her side, not knowing how to react.

She had expected a verbal battle; she had expected disappointment; she had expected punishment or even a full-blown fight between her husband and her father, but she hadn’t expected this. She hadn’t expected the warm hug that her father was giving her when she had publically humiliated herself and her entire family.

It confused her. Did her dad forgive her already? Was he not going to shout at her? She found she didn’t care.

She was grateful to have her dad (and mom) supporting her and spending love on her even when she turned out to be a not-so-dutiful daughter and her mistakes were bringing shame to the family name. This showed her their love more than words ever could.

Hesitantly, she wrapped her arms around him. Basking in the soothing effect of his hug, she felt safe and free. The burden and worry her mind carried, the shame she would likely face all came down on her at once and her eyes watered.

She sobbed in his chest; the gentle pats on her head, encouraging her to truly let go.

After her conversation with Krish yesterday, her mind was preoccupied with making peace with the revelations and the abuse she had faced in her childhood, so the full force of the leaked sex tape didn’t reach her.

But now, as she stood sobbing in her dad’s chest, it did.

In a town, where sex before marriage was such a taboo and unknown subject, how would she - a girl who not only lost her virginity before marriage but also recorded it for the public to watch - be treated?

She realised how this one video could change her complete life. The one word she had always believed to be true will be on everybody’s tongue. A slut, a whore, she will be called many names; her family will be shamed and harassed. She and Vansh will be bullied, and they’ll be forced to hide their faces; a mob of protestors could hurt her physically.

This was a mess.

But all she wanted was a good night’s rest.

She cried until there were no more tears left; she cried until all her problems bled out; she cried until she was exhausted.

When she finally opened her eyes and looked up, there was silence. Complete silence. They had let her cry in silence and peace, and she was thankful for that. They watched her softly, there was pity in their eyes and she shuddered in disgust but it wasn’t so much that she couldn’t face them.

They pitied her condition, not her. They still respected her and loved her.

“I thought you were going to shout at me or hit Vansh”, she broke the silence.

“Oh I will”, he announced, and she looked up in his eyes, hoping to see his eyes crinkling funnily but he was serious. He was going to shout at her. She swallowed.

“But not now”, he added and took her chin in his hands.

“I’m disappointed, I’m angry, livid actually, but I know that what I feel right now is insignificant to how you feel. You need me, your mom, even your piece of shit husband”. He glared at Vansh, “and we will be there. I am not going to hang your mistakes over your head when you are so down. We’ll help you however we can, we will support you so you get over this mess and live again.

Suffice to say, I’m going to eat your ears out and brawl with your dumb husband once this mess is cleared. But right now, you need our love and we will give you just that”

Shreya’s eyes watered again.Her tear ducts were very potent, it seemed; she swallowed as she cried, “Thank you! I love you”

“I love you too”, all three of them replied simultaneously.

Her dad turned towards Vansh and pointing a finger at his face threatened, “You mister, you just wait. You meet me alone and you are going to pay for this”

“Ji”, her mother warned him, but ignoring her comment, he shook his head in disappointment and sat down on the sofa.

“Do you have any information about who did this and why?“, Mr. Sharma directed this question at Vansh and invited the three of them to take a seat and join him.

“Not exactly, but we have an idea of what might have happened”, answered Shreya and then retold the entire story to her parents. The findings of the police, the man, his missing phone and what might have happened.

“So we think it isn’t someone else’s fault and just a virus that caused this”, she finished and looked up to meet her father’s angry eyes.

Mr Sharma turned to Vansh again and with a harsh glare, said, “I’ll murder you”

Eager to dissipate the tension that could soon follow, Shreya rushed to ask, “What do we do now? Whatever happened, happened. But what’s important is how do we move forward?

What can I do to wash off all their memories and all the nasty rumours that are already up and running?”

“I think we should do nothing for now. You two go enjoy your honeymoon, let the public here calm down a bit and then we’ll see if we can talk to them and change the narrative”, her father advised.

“I said the same, but she wants to clear it up first, clarify it firsthand so they don’t have time to draw ridiculous rumours”, said Vansh.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. They are pissed right now, morals and values were compromised, they won’t be up for any talking. They will only shame”

“I get it, but I understand what she is trying to say as well. If we don’t justify soon, rumours will spread and once a word is out, it’s out forever. We won’t be able to defeat the lies then”

“But confronting them right now will put your hand in a red hot fire. That doesn’t sound safe”, argued Mr. Sharma.

Kanya interrupted as she softly called, “Shreya?”

“Yes, mom?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I just want to get it over with. No matter how they react or feel, I want to tell the truth. We did nothing wrong. It’s our society that is hell-bent on following cultures like ‘no dating’, ‘no sex before marriage’ and fail to acknowledge the primal need for sex and connection humans have.

Sexuality and sexual urges are natural, you can’t diminish them because without them there won’t be any family.

No sex before marriage, no dating. These rules worked in the past because they married men and women in their early teens. Twelve and fourteen year olds were married, they had someone to take care of their sexual urges even before they developed them, so there was no point in ‘sex before marriage’.

So no, I have done nothing wrong. The only mishap that happened was that it got released, but that doesn’t make me any less worthy. My worth is not hidden in my skin and I won’t be shamed because someone saw me having sex with a man I am now married to.

It’s not the best of circumstances, but it will do. The man I love is with me, my family loves me, what more could I ask?

And I want people to understand this and I want to do it in the one way I know, writing”

“That’s a good idea”, agreed her mom and the men nodded their approval, “Do you want to publish a piece in a newspaper or magazine? Or maybe online?”

“Yes”, Vansh turned towards Shreya, “we can a publish a piece about what really happened and our views on it and that it doesn’t matter because we love each other; we can even do interviews. What do you think?”

Shreya stayed silent and bit her lower lip as she contemplated her answer. She wanted to write a piece; she wanted to do interviews as well, but these were limiting options; she wanted something more, something unfiltered, something forever.

What could it be?

She shook her head and said,

“I want to share more than just this instance. I want to share our story.

I want to publish a book.

I want to publish us, our love”