Chapter 10

KATE.
My alarm beeped, waking me up. I fumbled for it on my bedside table then turned it off. I settled back under the covers, telling my alarm clock a big fuck you. I wasn't going to get up early today. Why? Because today I was allowed to do anything I wanted.
Thirty minutes later, I got up and stretched, placing my palms on the floor beside my legs. It was a habit. I brushed my teeth before sluggishly taking my bath. My eyes were red and slightly puffy because I'd cried myself to sleep last night. That, too, was allowed today.
I dressed without giving much thought to what I wore and for the first time, took shades with me to work.
Due to Sue's pregnancy leave, I was the acting Head of HR and despite that fact that I loved being in control, it was exhausting as hell. And today, I was not allowed to work too much. Don't ask me why. I just want.
I waved at several colleagues that gave questioning looks at me although I acted like I didn't see them. I was allowed to ignore people today too.
What is today? You might wonder. Let me take you down history lane.
Four Years Ago.
"Hey, Sally. " I said.
"What's up girl? "
"I'm so exhausted. They're going to ruin this for me. "
She laughed, "This isn't about you, so hold on. "
I rolled my eyes, "I am holding on. "
"Okay. What colour did you end up buying? " she asked. She had wanted me to get the yellow one but I preferred the blue then I remembered it wasn't about me so I'd ended up buying the yellow.
"I got the yellow. "
She squealed and I pulled the phone away from my ear, "A yellow mustang? That's what I'm talking about. "
It was my parents anniversary and I had gotten them a car for their anniversary gift. It was a little pricey, but nothing my bank account couldn't handle.
"Okay, since I can't be there, I want you to record the reactions on their faces and send it to me. "
"Done. " I laughed. That was Sally, always wanting to know everyone and everything.
The doorbell chimed, "Okay. I gotta go. I think they're here. "
"Bye. And don't forget the video. "
"I won't. " I hung up then hurried downstairs, making sure to keep the car keys carefully hidden. The car was in the garage so there was no way they could've seen it already since they'd parked out front.
I opened the door and was faced with two policemen. I frowned. What were policemen doing at my doorstep?
"Miss, are you Kate Rossi? " the cop with a bald head asked.
I frowned even more on hearing my name, "Yes, that's me. Is there a problem? "
"I'm afraid there is, Miss. Your parents were involved in a car accident "
I heard blood wooshing in my ears, "What? "
"Your parents were involved in a car accident, madam. They didn't survive it, they're both dead. " Cop two said with no trace of emotion.
I felt light-headed, "My parents are... Dead? " I asked. I gripped the doorknob desperately to stay upright because the soul wrenching pain I experienced nearly crippled me. "No, that can't be right. My parents went to have a dinner. " I argued, "It's their anniversary. They're coming back. They're not dead. Don't say that! " I yelled, hysterical.
Cop one held me, trying to tell me to calm down but I heard nothing. I was desperate in my need to see my parents, "Show me the bodies. I want to see the bodies. " I whispered even when I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to look at them even if the cops provided it.
"There were no bodies, ma'am. The car went up in flames. "
I felt a huge part of myself dying. I felt myself losing something and I knew I'd never get it back no matter what. Mom and Dad were gone. And my soul with them.
Present.
So now you have your answer. Today was the day I lost my parents. I called it the deathaversary. Because it was their anniversary and also the day they died.
That's why I was allowed to do anything I wanted today because the grief I experienced that day was immeasurable.
I sat on my desk, watching a slideshow of pictures of me, my mum and my dad. My Dad. I missed him. More between the two of them. He was everything to me growing up so I'd grown accustomed to doing everything with him. It had been hard adapting to life without him.
I trailed my hand down his picture lovingly. The grief felt all too fresh. Just then, I got a call. I placed the iPad down.
"Kate Rossi. Sue Montgomery's office. " my voice lacked it's usual brightness.
"Hi. You have a delivery downstairs. "
I frowned, wondering who could have sent me a package. "I'll be right down. " I placed down the receiver and went downstairs.
I went to the delivery man, signed then took the little box from him, giving him a tip. I went back to my office.
When I got to my office, I opened the package and was delightfully surprised to see it was chocolates. My favorite kind. I read the card attached to the package and smiled.
You deserve to be happy today so smile.
What else would you do when you have a best friend like me?
~Bailey.
Tears flooded my eyes. What would I do without Bailey? She was such a sweetheart. I called her as soon as I got my tears under control.
"Hi. " she chirped, happy soul that she was.
"Hey, Bailey. I got your package. "
"Do you like them? "
"I love them, Bailey. Thank you so much. "
"You're welcome. I know you cried yourself to sleep last night but don't tonight. " her voice turned compassionate, "the world needs your smiles, Kate. "
I sobbed, "How am I not supposed to cry now? "
She laughed, "Enjoy your chocolates, Kate. I love you. " she said.
"I love you too, Bailey. "
I ate my chocolates in peace then did a little work before napping on my couch.
When I woke up later, it was 4 P.M. Two hours before I close. Deciding to at least, do something before leaving for the day, I got up sluggishly then sat on my office chair. I lay my head on the desk. I wasn't going to get any work done at this rate. And that's when I remembered I now had access to the company's break room.
I got up and headed there. I pushed the door open, determined to get some coffee to boost me up when I saw the person standing there. Shit.
DREW.
I sipped my coffee, staring at the skyline through the window when I heard the creak of the door opening. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone so whoever was coming in, better be prepared to get ignored.
The door closed, but I didn't turn, I was too busy introspecting. Four years ago today, I gave myself the best gift anyone could've ever given me. Freedom. But with that freedom came guilt because something that wasn't supposed to happen that day, did. And I lived with that guilt every day of my life.
"Hey. "
My shoulders locked with tension. I knew that voice and I didn't want to deal with her today. In fact, I was in the worst mood to.
I turned slowly and blanched when my eyes landed on her. Black. That's what she wore. Black shoes, black shirt and black pants. So much black it actually hurt to look at her, because I didn't want the colour tainting her pure self.
"Hey. " I said back, trying to control the asshole in me. He was in full force today and I couldn't let her see that side of me. Not when she looked on the verge of breakdown. Her eyes were red and puffy like she'd been crying and her usual put together self was disheveled as hell. Still she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. Shot. Now I was getting cheesy. Next thing, I'd be writing poems for her.
"Tough day? " she tried to make a light conversation. I wanted to talk to her, I really did. But I didn't want to because I knew I'd say something I'd regret, but also ignoring her would make her feel bad. So when you thought about it, she was going to get hurt either way.
"Yeah. " I should've stopped there. I really should've, then my mouth opened again, "You? "
She gave a dry laugh, "The worst. " she seemed to contemplate something then she said, "Actually, today is the day I lost my parents. "
Hell, why did she have to bring up her parents. I knew I was an asshole for thinking about how it affected me rather than the pain she was going through but the man had hurt me for Christ's sake. He was a monster. The kind our parents threatened us with that lived under our beds. But Hugh didn't live under my bed, he lived in my head. His experience left me permanently scarred. And I wasn't going to recover from it.
I heard someone say, "If you wanted to be a wimp about it, you could have stayed home, but you're at work so suck it up. "
And I realized that someone was me. Fuuuccckk.
I saw the moment the light in her eyes dimmed. Her expression transformed from shock to confusion then hurt. Her shoulders shook as she tried to control her ragged breathing. Shit. I'd hurt her when she was only trying to be nice to me. She turned to drop her mug then braced her hands on the counter, sobs wracking her slender frame. God, I was such an asshole..
As I watched her cry, I had a moment of clarity. I didn't want to break her anymore. I was done.
I was so tired of fighting this. So tired of pretending I didn't want her when I craved her. Tired if going to the penthouse alone battling sleepless nights and aching balls. What had she done anyway? Her only offense was having a sick monster for a father. Yes, he might have tainted her but it didn't stop me from wanting her because there was something so different about her. Something so pure, so uniquely her.
I was done fighting this. So fucking done.
With a new determination to do whatever it took to get her forgiveness, I closed the distance between us in four long strides. I gripped her shoulders and spun her around slowly, so she could face me.
"Get away from me. " she yelled.
"I'm sorry, Kate. So fucking sorry. " I tried to explain but I wasn't getting through to her right now. She was hysterical, kicking and pushing me away.
"No, I don't want to hear it. I don't want your goddamn pity. " she shoved me back with surprising strength and it wouldn't have budged me on a normal day, but I let her because I knew I wouldn't make progress with her. Not when she was like this.
"I'm sorry. " I choked out one last time.
"I hate you. And I don't want anything to do with you. " she delivered the final blow, the tears in her eyes wrecking me. Fuck.
She practically ran out of the break room and I didn't know what possessed me but I dashed after her, knowing that the more she stewed, the more she'd hate me and I couldn't take that. I just couldn't.
She ran into the elevator and pushed the button for her floor. I ran, praying the doors didn't close but it did before I could get in. "Damn it! " I paced, waiting for the doors to open because I knew taking the stairs would be suicide.
The doors opened soon and I got in, pushing the button for floor sixteen. Yes, I knew what floor she worked in.
I nodded at a few bewildered employees and was about to open her door when I remembered to knock. Shit. She was sensitive as hell right now and any wrong move could set her off. Inhaling a breath for calm, I knocked.
"Who is it? " she asked.
"It's me. " I answered like the fool I was. How was she supposed to know who I was? Sure, she might recognize the voice but she had asked for a name. I might as well have shut the fuck up.
"Go away. " she said softly.
The pain in her eyes made me close my eyes and rest head on the door, "Please. "
She went silent for a minute then she told me to come in. I opened the door and placed a duct tape over my inner asshole's mouth. I needed to complete this without him.
It was alarming how much pain I felt when I saw her. Her eyes which had been red before we're even more swollen, if that was possible and there were tissues scattered all over her desk. On the right side of her table was a small box of chocolates that was open.
"Hi. " I said lamely, at a loss for words.
"Why are you here? " she was curled up on her couch and her gaze on the view the windows gave her.
"I came to apologize. "
"I don't need your apology. " she stated. She wasn't looking at me and I hated it. I wanted her to look at me, to give me those magnificent grey eyes. Not having them on me was punishment and it made me realize how much I'd become accustomed to having them on me. It was a privilege and I hated being deprived of it.
I gritted my teeth in frustration, "But I want to apologize anyway. " she shrugged, her gaze still on the window.
"Look at me. " I ordered. Yes. Ordered. Because I had a death wish. But surprisingly, she did. I expected her to yell at me but she didn't. She just stared at me and I figured she hadn't exactly done it because I ordered her to but because she knew it would make me uncomfortable.
"Are you still mad at me? " I asked, even though I knew she was.
She arched a brow, "What do you think? "
"I think you are. "
She pursed her lips, "Well, you're not wrong. "
"I'm sorry. " I said dumbly.
She glared at me, "You say hurtful things to me all the time, Drew and I let it go. But you don't get to be mean to me today. I confided in you because I needed someone to talk to and you mocked me. With my parents death. How's the fair? " she ended softly.
Time to man up. I closed the distance between and lowered into a crouch in front if her, gripping her hands, "I'm really sorry about what I said earlier. It was stupid. That was my asshole side talking and I usually don't have control over him. "
She stared at me blankly, "Are you saying it was a side of you that said that to me? "
I nodded solemnly.
A crease appeared between her eyebrows, "How many parts of you are there? "
I shook my head, "I honestly don't know. They just appear from time to time. "
She burst out laughing, "Oh my God, you're crazy. " I loved the sound of her laughter. It was melodious. I made a conscious decision there and then to make her laugh more. "And to think I actually thought we were having a serious conversation. "
"It was. " I grinned.
She swung her legs and sat facing me. She was giddy like she just found a new toy and it was unbelievable that she'd been sad just a minute ago.
"Okay. How many people know you're crazy? " she mock-whispered like people could hear us.
"Just you. " It was starting to get uncomfortable from crouching too long.
She took on a serious tone, "I promise I'll keep your secret. "
"I appreciate that but for the mean time, can I rent your couch? "
She giggled then scooted, making space for me. I could barely fit my wide frame in there but I didn't complain because I had other plans. I lifted her, sat, then dropped her on my lap, delighted by her squeal of surprise.
"You, Mr. Rutledge, are one cunning man."
"That's another side of me. " I muttered, eyes drawn to her lips.
She snapped her fingers, "Okay, eyes up here. " I looked up at her and smirked. "I don't appreciate how you go all hot and cold on me, Drew. I don't know where I am with you and most times, I just end up getting hurt. " that wiped the smirk off my face.
I opened my mouth to talk but she silenced me by placing a finger on my lips, "I'm not putting up with that. " she added.
I kissed her finger tip, watched as her breaths shallowed, then pulled the finger away from my mouth, "I know. That's another reason I came down here. "
She straddled my thighs so she was facing me, "Why? "
I struggled to put my thoughts into words. Then I thought, fuck it.
"I want you. "