Chapter 35

KATE.
My boyfriend was the murderer of my parents.
How fucked up was that? I couldn't deal. Couldn't think about anything other than that. How completely devoid of emotions his eyes had looked when he delivered the news to me.
It scared me. Terrified me to no end to know exactly what he was capable of. That the man I had been dating for months was a murderer. And even more, the murderer of my parents. That was what I couldn't get over. How had he even been able to look at me, live with me in the same house when he was the one who had killed my parents.
My mind flashed back to that day, the day of my parents deatharversary, when I had met him in the company's break room. He hadn't even felt an ounce of guilt when I mentioned them. Instead, he yelled at me.
And the knowledge that my dad had........ had..... raped him. God. It was still hard for me to even admit it to myself. No wonder Drew had hated me so much. Naturally, the hatred he had for my father had transferred onto me. How had he even been able to date the daughter of the man who raped him? That had to tell me he truly cared about me, didn't it?
......And he had told me he loved me. It could have been in the heat of the moment, for all I knew. He could have just been saying it so I could stay, but somehow, deep down, I knew he meant it. But I hadn't wanted to hear it at the time. I couldn't. It had been hard enough making a decision to leave him, but walking away from him when he had just told me he loved me? Had been almost impossible.
How had a young boy like Drew been able to survive being raped by an older man? He had been just a kid for God's sake. He didn't deserve that. My dad was to blame for what had happened, but a big part of that blame, went to Drew's parents. They shouldn't have abandoned him like that. Going on vacations without him? Leaving a ten year old boy behind all because of something you had against him?
And what could they have had against him though? No mother could ever do something like that to their biological child, no matter how cruel. Apparently, his father's hatred ran deeper than I could've possibly thought. To the extent that he couldn't report the issue to his parents because they never would have done anything about it.
I wept for the child Drew had been when he was younger. For all the unfair things he'd had to face at such a young age. That his parents had been nothing but failures. Everything made sense now. How he seemed detached from his family and how he worked all through the day nonstop. Work must have been all he had at a time.
I couldn't blame him from being the lonely, antisocial person he was because his childhood had done that to him. Oh, how the continuous rape must have affected his mental health. That explained the nightmares! He must have been having nightmares about his childhood. Oh, my poor baby. And all the while, he lived with me, knowing I was the daughter of his molester.
My eyes were the exact copy of my dad's. And Drew had told me he loved my eyes. Said he loved how they made him feel.
A sob escaped my throat. I slipped further underneath the covers, pulling it over my head. I didn't want to see anything. I welcomed the darkness. Needed it more than light right now. I missed him. So much. But I couldn't go to him, not now. Not when I didn't even know what was going to happen to us. Could we go forward from this? Was there even a future for us?
But the most important question was, would I be able to live with him after all this?
My father had been a monster. Good God. How had he managed to continue carrying something like that on behind our backs all that time? Mom had never known, not that she had been around, anyway. But I had never noticed. Other than that day when I had seen Drew at my house. Oh, how sad and angry he had been when he saw me leaving. I didn't know that anger had been directed at me. That he had been angry because he thought I knew what my dad was doing and I had been okay with it.
He harboured all that anger towards me for such a long time, not knowing that I hadn't even known what was happening. But I could have, couldn't I? I'd felt it deep down that my dad had done something bad that day. But I had refused from questioning him, because I didn't want to hate him. And a young boy's innocence had paid the price. His soul had paid the price for my weakness.
It hurt to know that the man I had admired as my father, and my role model in life, had been a monster all this while. A fucking pedophile. A gay one. Gay.... How had that worked?
I frowned, forgetting my worries for a while. How had my dad found the urge to rape a young boy if he had been straight? The whole thing didn't make sense to me. I was an only child. So that either meant my parents had wanted just one child..... Or they couldn't have more.
Oh my God. Had my dad been gay when he was in a marriage with my mom? Was that.... Was that why she was never home? Because she couldn't marry a gay man? Who could anyway? Maybe she had found out only when the marriage was only done. And obviously after I had been born.
God. Thinking about all this was too much to take in. It was giving me such a headache. The only person I wanted to be with right now, was Drew. And I couldn't be with him. Because I had asked for space.
And I wasn't wrong for asking, was I? He hadn't expected me to be okay with him killing my parents right? How could any person be okay with that? And the thought that he hadn't even bothered to tell me about it. The fact that he wasn't going to tell me, had that man not visited, depressed me all over again.
I love you....
Oh, how badly I had wanted to tell him I loved him too! But I couldn't. Because telling him that after asking for space would have made me a hypocrite. It would have shown exactly how weak I was.
Between yesterday and today, I had received over twenty missed calls and thirty messages from him. And I tortured myself by reading every one. Every single one of them. Because I couldn't stop myself even when I wanted to.
I'm sorry, Kate.
I'm so fucking sorry. I would have done things differently if I could.
Please pick up, Kate. I need to hear your voice before I sleep.
Kate.....
At least, tell me you're home safe. I need something from you. Anything at all.
Seeing as my texts are being read, I know you're just ignoring me. And that's better than worrying you didn't get home safely.
I'm so fucking sorry, Kate. I really am.
Please forgive me.
Goodnight......
That's where they ended. He had given up eventually. Of course he had to. He probably figured I wasn't going to reply him anyway. He'd decided to stop messaging to call me instead. I had five missed calls from last night and fifteen from this morning.
It was a work day, and I had called in sick because there was no way in hell I was going to be able to go to work today. It made me wonder how he must be functioning.
He always said he couldn't function whenever we were fighting. And this was our biggest fights of all fights. Would he even be able to work? God, I felt so bad for leaving. But also, there was no way I could have stayed. I would have just been hurting myself and we would'nt have been able to resolve the issue anyway.
Fresh tears sprung into my eyes as the image of how utterly broken he had looked yesterday when I said I was leaving. He must have thought I was breaking up with him because he confessed he loved me. He must have been doing anything in his power that he could to get me to stay.
But he didn't know that I had only wanted space. Space to think clearly for a while. And I hadn't even bothered to clarify that, because leaving had been the only thing on my mind at the moment.
My stomach grumbled, urging me to put something in there. I hadn't eaten anything since morning. Hadn't even had my dose of coffee today, that alone should tell you just how broken I was.
I tried to push all thoughts of Drew out of my mind so I could feed myself in peace. It wasn't an easy task, but at least it was something.
DREW.
I stared at my phone, willing the screen to light up with a call, or even a message from Kate.
But it didn't. Fuck. This was death, nothing could possibly be worse than this. Absolutely nothing.
If I had thought leaving without her before was hell, there was no describing what I was going through right now. I simply couldn't put it into words. Even I, didn't understand what I was going through.
I kept calling and texting her like a mad man. I didn't even care if I came off as desperate anymore, because that's what I was. She left just yesterday even though it felt like she had been gone a month.
How fucking apt was it that Hugh was still ruining my life from his grave. I regretted the consequences of telling her, but I didn't regret telling her. Eventually she would have known, and I knew it was better I told her now than she found out a whole lot later. By herself.
My situation was laughable to a fault. The first time I had told a woman I loved her and she had left me the same day. Well, the timing might have been poor, but I was a dying man clutching at the straws. I'd have done anything to keep her here. Anything. But, alas, I couldn't even stop her when she wanted to leave because love was fucked up like that. It made you put somebody else's needs before yours.
How crazy was it that I was thinking about love? The concept was still alien to me. But I guess I'd get used to it eventually.
My entire body itched to go to Kate. To know how she was doing. Was she at work right now? If she was, then I would applaud her because that meant she obviously had more strength than I did. I was currently sitting in my office chair and I hadn't been able to leave this spot since yesterday.
I hadn't been able to sleep in my bedroom because it had her scent. The whole house had her scent, her things were still here. My home office was the only place that didn't; she didn't come in here a lot. And I was somewhat thankful for it now. I couldn't fucking concentrate. I was doing everything in my power not to go over and haul her over here, because she had asked me for space. And I knew if I did, I would only be making things worse for myself.
How was she feeling now? Was she crying? God. The thought of her going through pain made me feel like a thousand knives were being stabbed into my heart. I had never been able to watch her cry, and knowing that she was, without being there to hold her, was so much more than I could bear. I tried not to think about it because I knew I was only putting myself through hell. But I couldn't stop even if I wanted to.
The sound of my phone ringing shocked me out of my thoughts. I jumped up, running to grab it
Had Kate finally called? Had she finally seen reason that there was no way we could possibly go through a day without each other.
A quick glance at the screen had me ridiculously dissapointed. I answered it anyway. While this call might not be as welcoming, it was important.
"Mr. Rutledge? Are you there? " the cop's voice sounded excited, like he couldn't wait to tell me what he wanted to.
"Yes. " I replied halfheartedly.
"Your father, Tom Rutledge, has just been arrested. " he informed me, "I'm so sorry to say that we found out he attempted to murder your mother through drug overdose. "
He had no idea I already knew about that, but I was curious to know how they did. "My mom's in a hospital? "
"Yes. I'm very sorry, sir. How could you not have known, I –"
"How did you get the information? " I cut him off.
"We got it from your brother, Chase Rutledge. "
At first, I was too shocked to react. Chase had turned our father in to the police? It hasn't crossed my mind, not in the least.
"Thank you. " I said before I got off the phone with him.
I could find no joy in the victory, no sense of happiness at all. The only taste I could feel in my mouth, was the bitter taste of heartbreak. Yes, I had gotten what I wanted. And probably a part of me was happy over the victory, but I couldn't acknowledge it. Not now.
My home phone rang and before I could answer it, the door to my penthouse slided open.
"What the hell are you doing here? "
"Rise and shine, motherfucker. " Arash Madini grinned, spreading his arms out wide.
I was in absolutely no mood to deal with the joker today. I didn't have the strength that came with interacting with him, today.
"Get out. " I pointed at the door, "You should have called before coming over. "
He rolled his eyes, and proceeded further to contradict my order, by dropping down to sprawl on my couch, flinging his arm over the head rest. "The fuck are you talking about? I never needed permission to come to this dump. "
This 'dump' he spoke of, he was currently sprawling in.
"Yes, but now is different. "
"How so? " he cocked his head to the side, studying me.
"Because, unlike you, I have a life to live. I could have been at work. " I crossed my arms, glaring at him, "It's Monday, for fuck's sake. I go to work. "
"Then why aren't you? "
"Why aren't I what? "
"Why aren't you at work then? "
I glared at him, furious that he was throwing me like this. "Fuck you very much, Arash. "
He studied me a while, before he changed his posture, leaning forward slightly and bracing his hands on the couch. "What's wrong with you? "
"None of your business. " I snapped, turning away from him.
I made my way to the mini bar, grabbed a bottle of scotch, and poured a hefty amount of it into a glass. I corked the bottle, placing it back in the bar, before looking back at Arash who was still studying me.
"The Drew Rutledge I know, wouldn't miss a day of work even even though he was half dead. And you're very much well. " he narrowed his eyes, "Although not mentally, seeing as you're drinking scotch at this early hour of the day –"
"You're here this early. " I sipped my scotch, "What's your excuse? "
He gave me a disbelieving look, "Cone on. You know I'm not sane. " he twisted his lips, "That's the first thing everyone has to know about me. Really. "
I gulped half the glass of my scotch down. I might need a refill. My eyes met Arash's, and I saw he was waiting for my reply. What the hell was his problem anyway? His mouth was too big for his own good. "You're giving me a headache. Please stop talking to me. "
"I'm not giving you a headache. Something else is though. "
He came towards me to at the bar, grabbing a glass and filing it. As he lifted his head to drink it, his eyes caught the framed picture of Kate in the hallway. His eyes widened.
"Or someone. " he turned to me, "Where is she? "
The reminder of her brought a sharp ache into my chest. An ache so profound, my glass slipped onto the bar top and I had to grip the edges to support my weight. How on earth was I going to survive like this? There was no way I could. I needed Kate. Not wanted, needed. Simply to survive, to function. I couldn't without her. It was a fact.
"She left. " I closed my eyes, trying to suppress the pain, "She left me yesterday. "
"She broke up with you? "
"No. Fuck. " I pressed the heel of my palm against my eyes as if it would stem the emotions I felt threatening to make appearance. I refused to believe this was break up. "She said she wanted space. "
"What happened? "
I shook my head. I couldn't tell him even if I wanted to. No matter how much I wanted to tell him, and hear his side to know if I'd done the wrong thing. I couldn't. My life was fucked up like that.
I refused to look at Arash. To see the pity I knew I would find in his eyes. It would break me further. If I saw any sign of pity from him, it would be acknowledging that all hope was lost. That she had really broken up with me.
"She's going to come back though. Right? " he asked. "Space is all she asked for. She didn't tell you she had broken up with you. "
If he was trying to make me feel better, he was failing. Her asking for space meant that she didn't flat out want to tell me that she wanted a break up. To me, anyway. I hope she proved me wrong.
"Remember my plan worked last time? " Arash asked, putting false enthusiasm into his voice, "I could come up with a new plan. We could get her back in no time. "
"You don't really believe that. "
He maintained eye contact with me for a long time, but his eyes dropped eventually.
"You'll be okay, my man. " he clapped me on the back.