Chapter 23

KATE.
The bruise on my ribs had turned a faint colour of purple. In a week, there'd be no signs of the accident anymore.
Well, except the scar on my forehead. It was a little thing, barely visible, situated just above my eyebrow, but it was there nonetheless.
And it hurt. I mean, don't get me wrong. I was happy I'd come out of it alive, nothing beat that. But it hurt that my face was now tainted.
Oh well. No need dwelling on the inevitable.
I took my thong off and triapsed into the bathroom, headed straight for the bath.
I connected my phone to a Bluetooth speaker, set up a playlist that suited my mood, then placed it beside the bathtub, before climbing in.
I'd made a bath with Epsom salts to relax and just chill. With Bailey gone to work and me resuming work next week, I thought it was important.
I laid my head back on the tub and closed my eyes, letting my body relax and luxuriating in the divine feeling of serenity.
There was nothing, no feeling like just tossing away your worries for a while and letting peace sink in. And what better way to do that than soaking in a hot tub? The feeling was just.... Everything. And it was all I needed right now.
I'll never find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you.
My eyes popped open as Adele crooned about not finding someone like the person she'd lost.
No, that wouldn't just do.
I shifted closer to the edge of the tub and grabbed my phone, changing the song to something much more bearable.
My eyes immediately drifted back closed as Lorde's Royal came on.
Now that's more like it.
This. This right here. This was what I wanted. Craved. This feeling of contentment. Of knowing what was going to happen in my life next. Of knowing what to expect and not aiming for higher only to get dissapointed.
Drew and Mike's rejection really fucked with a girl's self esteem. I started questioning myself. Whether I really wasn't that attractive, or maybe it had something to do with my character trait. But then all those negative thoughts had been dashed when I'd been asked by several guys to give them my number. On different occasions.
I thought, fuck it, I was twenty-five, not fifteen. I wasn't going to beat myself up over two assholes that were probably too self centered to care about how I might actually feel. I was a sexy, sassy, hot blooded woman and if they weren't okay with that, well, they knew where to shove their opinions.
At least with Drew gone, I could focus on myself now. I wouldn't lie, it still hurt. But at least I was starting to get over him. A week into the break up, I had been so useless, Bailey had barely been able to put up with me. But now, I was proud of my progress. I gave myself a mental pat on the back.
I also had Bailey to thank for the progress. She had insisted on taking me out even when I wasn't feeling up for it. She forced me to interact with people so I wouldn't get lost in my own head. And when she saw me pulling away, she'd draw me back in with something she knew would captivate me.
And she always knew whenever she reached my limit. She didn't push. She'd understand and leave me be. Because she knew sometimes I liked my alone time.
Bailey might act all tough with everybody she knew but it was all superficial. When you got close enough, you'd see the sensitive, caring woman underneath. And that was the part of her I saw all day. Everyday.
I realized I had drifted off to sleep when I opened my eyes later and the water was already starting to turn lukewarm.
Not wanting to waste any more time in it, I got up, wrapped a towel around my body and grabbed my phone, loving how my body felt pruney and so damn soft.
I applied some oil and rummaged through my drawer, and decided to wear a cami and some lacy shorts –hey, a girl needed to feel sexy sometimes – since Bailey wasn't home. Not that she'd mind though.
The shorts barely covered my ass, as most of my shorts were.
I sat by the dresser and brushed my hair, marvelling at how soft and tangle free it was. That treat with Bailey had really been worth it.
I remembered how we had gone shopping. At a very luxurious boutique. But we hadn't paid any mind to the money, no, we went hard on the clothes. Gowns, shorts, lingerie, and the shoes. Oh God, the shoes. They were orgasmic. And I'd even bought a black lace teddy.
Don't ask me why. It was just so fucking sexy and so me, I couldn't resist it. Besides, a girl liked to look good just because.
I secured my hair in a ponytail and for once. For once in my life, it cooperated in two minutes without me breaking into a sweat. I sent a silent prayer up, thanking God for giving whoever produced the products, the idea to. I seriously had to go back to that hair salon and buy a whole bunch of the products.
My phone ringed and I picked it up, seeing it was Bailey. Huh. Bailey never called whenever she was at work. We already established a pattern.
She'd go to work. I'd make something or order in for both of us before she came back from work everyday. She only called when she was going to be late but that was always around four or five.
I swiped and put the call on loudspeaker so I could apply some body oil and talk to her at the same time.
"What's up? "
"Heyyyyy Kate. " she yelled and I squinted at the phone.
"Why are you calling? " I asked, going straight to the point.
"Oh. Nothing really. " her voice was still at a high pitch.
Thank God I'd put the call on speaker. My ear drums might have been damaged.
I grabbed my phone and walked out of the bedroom. I wanted to watch a movie. I barely had anything to do while I was home now and I wasn't about to die from boredom.
"Bailey, you sound so weird right now. What's going on? "
I didn't know what was up with her. Was it a prank? Did she want something and couldn't say it? No, that was unlike Bailey. Or was she just trying to get away from an uncomfortable conversation by calling me?
"You know I love you right? And I'd never do something to hurt you. I'd only do something if I thought it was going to be good for you. You have to –" she rambled on.
I actually started to get freaked out now. Bailey didn't ramble. "What's going on Bailey? "
I heard her inhaling a deep breath. Like she needed strength to say whatever she was about to. "Kate, please don't get mad at me but...... "
I stepped into the living room and I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart lurching in my throat so hard I almost toppled over.
Bailey's conversation drifted back to me, ".......I told him you were with me, Kate. He sounded so–"
I hung up.
I didn't understand what was happening. Didn't understand why the asshole who broke up with me was currently standing in Bailey's living room. Didn't understand why my heart was slamming hard against my ribcage all of a sudden. Didn't understand why I was fighting off a strong urge to run over to him and plaster myself to his body.
I didn't understand a damn thing.
"Hey. "
His voice. That deep, raspy voice. I'd missed it so fucking much. It sounded rusty, like it hadn't been used in a while.
His eyes were red with dark circles under them. And said eyes were currently staring at my face like it was a life or death situation. Like it was death if they strayed away.
I forced my eyes down. He was wearing a black hoodie and black blue jeans. I absolutely didn't notice how good the jeans looked on him. I did not.
Mourning something, Rutledge?
I didn't know where that snarky taunt came from but I clamped it down before it could make it's way out of my mouth.
"What are you doing here? "
The detachment in my voice surprised me. Wow, I'd really worked on myself. The old Kate would've been so affected by his presence and it would have affected me. Majorly.
His eyes dropped down before coming back up, "I... Um... I talked to Bailey and –"
"How did you get in here? The door was locked. "
His eyes dropped down again before flying to mine, "She gave me a key. " he admitted quietly.
I wasn't going to deal with Drew while wearing a cami. I spun around, going into the bedroom to change, all the while fuming.
That betraying bitch. I was going to so pay her back for this. She hadn't even given me a heads up. And what the hell did Drew want anyway? He was nervous. I could tell.
Was he here to tell me he wanted me back? No dice, Rutledge. I was so fucking done with him and his bipolar shit.
I threw a sweater on then contemplated whether I should change my shorts or not. No. Drew could salivate over what he'd missed.
Making sure to keep my heart locked tight, I walked back into the living room.
DREW.
She turned around and marched back down the hallway that she'd just come from. And I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I had to be controlled, cool, calm. She'd leveled those grey eyes on me and I'd forgotten why I'd come here in the first place. Stuttering like a damn fool.
It was Arash's plan for me to come here and talk to her. So I'd called Bailey asking her where Kate was when I'd gone to her house only to be told she hadn't been there in over a week.
Bailey yelled at me and cursed me for about an hour or so. But finally, I'd coaxed her address out of her, by bribing her of course.
On my way here, I'd been so fucking nervous. I wondered how she was going to act. How she was going to look. I wondered if she was okay. If she'd look at me with disdain or love.
I wondered if it was already too late to damage control.
But I shoved any negative thoughts out of my head and tried to be positive. Even with the odds stacked against me.
She came back out and thankfully, she wasn't wearing the cami anymore. She had on a sweater. But that lacy boy shorts still made it damn hard for me to concentrate.
She walked past me without even sparing me a glance and went into the kitchen.
My heart beat erratically in my chest. Jesus. It hurt so damn much. To be ignored by her like this. The familiar whiff of her cologne drifted into my nostrils and I had to fight the crippling urge to touch her as she passed. I had to physically fight it.
I shoved my hands into my pockets so I wouldn't touch her. I lost that right two weeks ago. And damn, it hurt to admit that to myself.
She came back out, holding a glass containing a clear liquid and sitting on a couch far from me. Wine, perhaps.
"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to tell me why the hell you're here? " she finally said.
I stared at her, looking for any signs that she'd missed me. Anything. Any damn thing to keep me going. Or even give me a silver of hope.
But there was none. Her eyes were two blank pools of grey and I'd never seen them like that. It terrified me.
"How have you been? " I found myself asking. My voice was soft. So soft and tentative, it shocked me.
I wanted her to know that I was here because of her. I wanted to tell her what she meant to me. What she did to me. How I'd been without her. How I'd been so fucking miserable. Unable to sleep. Think. Work.
But they wouldn't come out. It was so fucking frustrating.
"Don't act like you care, Drew. Let's not waste each other's time that way. " she snapped, "Just tell me why you're here. "
But I did care. But I didn't know how to tell her.
Use your fucking words, Drew.
Arash's words drifted into my ears. Right. I had to use my words.
I took two tentative steps towards the couch she sat on, but when she pinned with a disgusted look, I stopped. I sat on the one opposite hers and tried to act like it hadn't hurt. But, fuck, it had.
Had I lost her?
The thought made my hands shake and I clenched them into fists so they'd stop. What was happening to me?
I cleared my throat before speaking, "Kate, I..... " I broke, unable to complete the sentence. Fuck. Why was this so hard? I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated that I couldn't get the words out.
But I had to try, didn't I?
I glanced at her, saw her petite form sitting not so far away from me but the bridge between us made it feel like she was a million miles away. Unreachable. I took note of how small her hands looked, clasping the glass between them.
She was so small, so fucking beautiful, she took my breath away. How had I ever thought I could leave her and actually be okay? She owned me. Fucking controlled me. She was the centre of my fucking universe.
Why was I just figuring this out now?
"Kate, I want you back. " I blurted.
Jesus. Fuck. That sounded so bad. Why couldn't I say things they way they were in my head?
By the way her eyes widened, I knew I'd fucked up. Again.
"What the hell, Drew? " she snapped, eyes narrowed like she couldn't believe what I'd just told her.
I hurried to reassure her, "Wait. That's not what I meant. " I searched my head desperately. Looking for the words, "I'm sorry I broke up with you. That wasn't what –"
"Shut up. " she yelled, throwing her glass at the wall behind my head and I flinched when it made contact with the wall, pieces of glass raining on the ground.
I'd never seen her this angry. Her eyes were brimming with so much anger and hostility, it hurt to know that it was all directed at me. Her small shoulders were shaking with barely controlled anger.
"Listen to me. " I tried again, desperately trying to get to her, "That's not what I mean. Why can't I fucking get this right? " I shoved my hand into my hair, pulling at the roots.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why was this so fucking hard?
"I could give a fuck about what you mean, Drew. " she snapped, bringing my eyes back to her, "You're a conceited piss of shit. I cannot even believe you. " she huffed a small laugh, "What? You thought you were going to come over here to with a sick apology and I was going to fall back into your arms, didn't you? You egotistical bastards? " she spat with venom.
I took a step backwards, actually afraid of her. Damn, I'd lost her. I'd fucking lost her.
"That's not what I think, Kate. " I rushed out, my breaths quickening at the thought of leaving here without her.
"Of course that's what you think. " she smiled bitterly, shaking her head slowly.
"I'm sorry, Kate. " Right. Here were the words now. I just hoped they weren't too late, "I've been living like shit without you, Kate. I'm so fucking sorry for breaking up with you at the hospital like that.... " my voice failed me, breaking at the look of pain that flashed across her face.
My hands itched to touch her. To just be on her body. Even if it was just for a second, I needed to touch her.
I made to walk towards her but she just shook her head in silent warning. I clenched my jaws in anger. Her rejection hurt. So much.
"I can't sleep in my bed anymore, Kate. It reminds me of you. Everything in my house reminds me of you. " I exhaled brokenly, "I can't focus when I'm at the office and it's so fucking frustrating. "
I looked at her, standing there with one leg tapping on the floor impatiently, her legs gloriously bare and so fucking golden. I groaned.
"I miss you, Kate. So much I'm going insane with it. I can't....... Fuck. " I shoved my twitching fingers into my jeans again, fighting the need to touch her.
She was like a drug. And I was going through withdrawal. I wasn't going to survive.
"Kate... " I pleaded but she just stared at me with blank grey eyes.
"Get out. " she finally said. Her voice, even, low, clear.
My heart dropped to my stomach, "What? " I choked out.
"I'm pretty sure you heard me, Drew. " she sneered, "Get the fuck out. " she repeated.
I stood there, unable to fathom what she'd just told me.
"You don't...... You're not.... " I struggled with the words, "You're asking me to leave? "
"Glad you're not oblivious. "
Oh, God. I'd lost. I was too late. Shit. Could I really go? How was I going to cope without her?
I tried again because I was desperate as hell, "Kate, you don't understand. I can't go back. I'm barely existing. " I reached my hand out and tried to touch her but she backed away.
I closed my hands and dropped it back down, devastated. Broken.
"Kate, please. " I whispered.
But she wasn't looking at me. At least that's what I thought. Her eyes were on me but they were distant. Far, far away.
"Close the door behind you. " she delivered then turned and walked away.
I stood there unable to comprehend what just happened to me. My heart, nowhere to be found in my chest. I'd finally fucked this up.
I had lost her.