Chapter 40

DREW.
I leaned my body on Kate's counter, pouring myself a hefty amount of coffee, simply because I couldn't find alcohol.
Alcohol this early wasn't advisable, but I needed it if I was going to talk to Kate today. Would she still see me as the sane person? Or would her memory of last night change her view of me?
I cringed remembering the details of last night. How I had crumbled in Kate's arms. Oh, how weak I must have looked. She must have been so disgusted with my outburst. How on earth was I going to be able to face her today? Do I go back to being the tough person I had always been after whimpering like a baby just last night? Fuck.
It was so hard untangling her legs from mine this morning. Sleeping beside her hadn't felt so good. But I didn't want her to wake up and freak out when she found me on the bed with her. Last night had felt strange to me, like it hadn't actually happened and if she felt the same way, then she'd definitely freak out if she found me in bed with her.
Plus, I didn't know where we were. Did she still want space? Did she want to end things finally? It would break me, but I would respect her decision. But hadn't she said she followed me outside last night? And she looked truly hurt when she said she thought I had ignored her. Was there hope for me after all?
I needed to ask her, not ask myself.
The sound of footsteps coming towards the kitchen, had me straightening. She was awake. How do I act? How do I–
Bare feet, bare legs, bare face. Her eyes were still hooded from sleep and as she marched into the kitchen, not unlike a robot, I wondered if she was conscious of her surroundings.
"Coffee. " she murmured and I hurriedly poured a mug for her.
I watched in fascination as she finished the cup, pouring another one and going halfway, before the haze seemed to clear from her eyes. This would never get old. It never seemed to amaze me how she couldn't even spell her own name in the morning, until she'd had her coffee.
It was weird. And so Kate. I missed her.
"Hey. " she finally said sheepishly, "Good morning. "
"Did you sleep well? "
She held her mug with her two hands. "I did. Did you? " she asked pointedly.
I felt my face heat. God, it was so fucking uncomfortable talking to her after what happened last night.
"I did. "
She smiled, nodding, before draining the mug and moving over to the sink to wash it. She was still wearing her tank and shorts from last night, and her tan legs glistened invitingly. Once upon a time, I could easily wrap my hands around her waist and just hold her. I didn't have that right anymore.
After last night, had she figured I was just a broken, scarred man that covered everything with assholery? If I had the power to, I would make her forget last night. Knowing she had seen me that way, really was hard to accept. But at the time, it had been too easy to let go. And I couldn't think past that.
"Listen, Kate. "
She kept the mug, before turning to me.
"Can we forget what happened last night? "
"Not talking about it is fine. But I'm not going to forget that I was the one you came to when you were at your lowest. " she said softly.
And my heart lurched in my stomach. I was the one you came too... Did she still want me?
Stop asking yourself the questions, ask her. Right.
"I.... " I faltered. "Last night, I was going to talk to you, when I found you with Chase. " Chase's name left a bitter taste in my mouth. I didn't know where I stood with him.
"Yeah, me too. " she crossed her arms, leaning against the sink, opposite me.
My heart started beating in a rhythm. A rhythm that spoke of hope. "What did you want to talk about? "
She shook her head, "You go first. "
I almost smiled. Almost. But I didn't. I was too nervous about where this conversation was going.
"I wanted to talk to you about us. Do you still l–" I was going to say love, but then I remembered she never told me she loved me. Maybe if she gave me another chance, she could grow to. "Do you still want me? "
She bit her lip, studying me and looking a whole lot unsure. "Do you? " she turned the question back to me.
"With all my heart, Kate. " I said without hesitating. This girl didn't know how much I loved her. She didn't know the extent I would go to make her mine.
She smiled, that shy, full, smile that always made me fall in love with her all over again. It wrecked me, that smile. A silver of hope. "I still want you, Drew. "
My heart beat stopped abruptly, then started all over again with a vengeance. "You're done with needing space? "
"Yes. "
But then I frowned. How could she say she still wanted me? "Even after what happened last night? "
"Especially after last night. " she confirmed.
"I don't understand. "
"Breaking for me is not a sign of weakness, Drew. It's a sign of strength."
I wanted to tell her that it was most likely not going to repeat itself, but I didn't. If that was the way she saw it, then I was cool with it. She could even jot the date down if she wanted too, hell, I could give a fuck. She wanted me!.
"We're back together? " I asked again, just for clarification.
She smiled, nodding her head. "We are. "
I couldn't explain the joy I felt in that moment. Everything was finally falling back into place. Well, there was the problem of my identity, but who cared? I had Kate. And that prevailed above all else.
Slowly, oh, so slowly, she closed the space between us, effectively closing the rift we'd created during our break and she hugged me. I hugged her right back, tight, and my world righted itself again.
Emotion closed up my throat, almost making it hard to talk. "I've missed you so much, Kate. So fucking much. " I murmured into her hair.
"I missed you too, Drew. "
I shook my head, "Not as much as I missed you. "
"Then apparently, you don't know how much I missed you. " she argued.
"How much? " I asked, my insides almost bursting with joy. As long as I had Kate, I could battle anything else in the world. One after that other.
"Why don't I show you? " she murmured, her hands moving to her tank, but I hurried to stop her.
"Isn't it too soon? "
Yes, I said that. Me. I was rejecting sex. Abnormal, I know. But if you've been in my shoes for the past month, you'd do the same.
She paused, blinking at me in confusion. "Do you not want to? "
My throat went dry. "Yes, of course. "
"Then why are you asking questions?"
"It's just that... " I was still gripping her tank like a lifeline. "I don't want to to push you to do anything you don't want to. "
Her mouth fell open, "You're not making me do anything I don't want to. You're my man, and I want to have sex with you. "
Her man... I shivered at her words. Who knew I'd like being someone else's possession so much?
"Kate, you asked for space from me because I'm always screwing this up. " I tried to explain to her, "I don't want to make the same mistake this time. I love you, Kate. "
"I love you too, Drew. "
I blinked. Three good times. "What? "
She grinned, cupping my cheeks, "I love you, you beautifully fucked up man. With my whole heart, body and soul. "
Oh, hell. I might have just died and gone to heaven. Kate loved me? Even hoping for her forgiveness had seemed almost impossible, but here I was, standing in front of her, with my mouth hanging open, no less, and she was telling me she loved me.
Kate Rossi loved me.
"But I've done nothing to deserve your love. " I croaked, "Why would you love a man like me? "
"Because, you might be a villain, Drew. But you're my villain. "
And with that, she kissed me and all lingering doubts were smashed to dust. Her lips and her soft body against mine, almost drove me to madness.
I tugged on her tank and she assisted me in taking it off, dropping it on the ground. I wrenched my lips away from hers, breaking the kiss, to devour her body.
Her nipples stood, begging for my attention, but I frowned when my eyes dropped lower.
"You lost weight. You've not been eating well. "
It wasn't a question, it was a fact. She had reduced about two inches. I knew this because I knew her body almost as much as I knew mine.
"How could I even think of eating? " she murmured, "You were all I thought about, Drew. All day, everyday. "
Ah, hell. She didn't know what she just did to me. I braced my hands on the counter in order not to fall down, because my legs couldn't find the strength to support me anymore.
"I'm so sorry, Kate. " I murmured, "I'll never leave you again. I swear. "
"Prove it to me. "
And I did. For about three hours, before she knew just how much I meant my words.
KATE.
"Just leave it there by the kitchen counter. "
"Are you talking to me? " Arash asked.
I glanced at him. He was standing behind Bailey, carrying a box of my stuff and the glint in his eyes advised me to answer carefully.
I was currently moving my things into Drew's penthouse. Yes, big step. I knew that and I was prepared for it. We were an official couple now with all our drama and lies out of the way.
Last week, when Drew had asked me to move in with him, I hadn't thought twice of it before saying yes. He needed to know that I was all in this with him and that he wasn't alone. I knew I calmed it somewhat and it would be exaggerating it to say that he couldn't live without me, but I knew that he needed me to function well, at least.
Bailey had volunteered to help me pack and Drew had strong-armed Arash into lending a hand. The man had been muttering all day about having somewhere else to be, but we all pretended not to hear him, at least that's what I thought.
Bailey's presence also helped, since it seemed to lessen his incessant complaints.
"I was talking to Bailey actually. " I smiled sweetly.
"Pussy. " Bailey muttered, not so discreetly.
"And a fine one at that. " Drew murmured, snaking his arm around my neck and pulling me backwards against him, so that my back was to his front.
"I'm the luckiest man alive. "
I turned in his arms, sliding my hands up his body and locking them behind his neck.
"And I, the luckiest woman. " I smiled, tilting my head, "You're going to have the rare privileged of living with me. "
"From the moment you stepped in here the first time, I knew you had to. You bring so much life to the place. "
My heart melted at his words. Who would have thought Drew Rutledge was such a romantic?
"You say the nicest things to me. " I stared at his face absently, my fingers, playing with the strands of hair at the back of his head.
"I'm making up for lost time. "
There was no mistaking the sincerity in his words and when I met his eyes, I found guilt and remorse there. I knew he still beat himself up over what he'd done in the past even though I told him several times that he shouldn't.
Yes, our past was fucked up, but there was nothing we could do about it. All we could and should do, was work on our future.
"We're going to be okay, Drew. "
He searched my eyes before pulling me to him, almost roughly, and planting a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you. "
He said that a lot lately. Every chance he got. He never let me forget.
"I love you too, Drew. "
"Are you guys going to be done with whatever the hell you're doing anytime soon? Maybe in the foreseeable future, because you sure as fuck don't expect us to move everything right? "
The both of us turned to face an annoyed Arash. Oh boy. I had never seen him with anything other than a smile on his face.
"Right. Sorry. " I said, pulling away from Drew, who was reluctant to let me go.
"Go fuck yourself. " he snapped at his friend. But there was no heat in the words.
Arash cocked a brow, "Why would I want to? When there's someone else I could...... " he left the sentence hanging.
I snorted out a laugh when I got what he meant. I turned, trying to find Bailey if she was anywhere in sight but she wasn't. Oh, if only she had heard him. It would have been quite the entertainment to watch them bicker. There was nothing more entertaining than that, to be honest.
I grabbed a box from the doorway, opening it to check what was inside. Ah, family pictures. I definitely had to keep them somewhere private and special.
"You think you're slick, Arash. I know what you're doing. " I hard Bailey say.
"What? "
Bailey and Arash again.
I rushed out of the bedroom and into the living room so I could see what it was about this time.
Bailey was standing at the threshold of the second bedroom, carrying a box and Arash was right behind her, but neither of them was moving. It was like they were waiting for the other person to move first.
"Why are you walking behind me? "
"Because you're in front of me. " he deadpanned.
"No. " she argued, "You always make sure you're behind me. Like now. Why are you stopping now? "
"Because I want to? " he narrowed his eyes in thought.
"That's bullshit. " Bailey sputtered, "You just want to stare at my ass. "
A laugh bubbled up my throat but I was quick to clamp it down before it actually made its way out through my mouth. I checked to see if Drew was watching this, and he was.
He turned when he felt my eyes on him and he just winked at me before turning back to them.
"Well, it's a great ass. It would be a shame not to acknowledge it. " Arash shrugged, that annoying smirk that was so him, at the corner of his mouth.
"We're going to stay like this if you don't get in front. " she shot back.
"I can do this all night, babe. " Arash replied. And I knew that man would stay rooted to the spot all night if it meant he could rile Bailey up.
She glanced at me for help but I just shrugged at her. I mean, what could I do anyway?
"Ugh. " she threw her head back, groaning, "He's so annoying. "
She stomped off into the room with Arash –who now moved from his spot– following behind.
I cocked a brow at Drew, cooking my finger. He walked towards me immediately.
That was all it took this days. I called and he came to me.
He wrapped his arms around me instantly, like he couldn't keep his hands off me even for such a short time.
"What do you think of those guys? " I tilted my head in the direction of the room they were in.
"I think the world should be warned if they ever made kids. " he smirked lazily.
I laughed, loving this new side of Drew. He was easy to talk to and so likeable. A far cry from the man he had been two months ago.
Their voices drew my gaze to them and I saw Bailey nearly slip and fall, and Arash easily catching her, righting her on her feet.
Yep, there definitely was a Bailey and Arash in the future.
I had the man I loved, my best friend and all the people I cared about with me. Life had never been so delightful.
I wrapped my hands around his waist, tightening my grip on him. I didn't want to let go. Never.
I was alive, well and sound with the man I loved. And yes, our beginning was rocky and definitely not something out of a romance book but I didn't care.
Yes, there would be problems along the way, no relationship was perfect and ours was definitely going to have potholes galore, but what mattered was that we stuck together through everything. That we were always there for each other no matter what we were going through. We would always talk to each other.
Drew was still working on himself. I had been shocked when he told me Chase was gay, but then everything made sense when he told me he loved me. His dad was serving term in jail, he was working on building his relationship with his mom and he and Chase hung out more often.
I was proud of his taking his family more seriously.
I placed my chin on his chest, glancing up at him underneath my lashes. "Tell me you love me, Drew. "
With his hands around me like this, and my chin on his chest, I felt at peace. This was our position. Our thing. And the light in his eyes told me he loved this position too.
"I love you, Kate. So fucking much it hurts sometimes. " he kissed me. Quick and hard. "And I'll never stop loving you. "
I sighed, watching him dreamily. "I love you too, Drew. "
I had the love of my life. And that was all that mattered.