ADDAMS

I was there, in Brazil, in my castle, without any information from New York, Without a word or a text from Whitney.

Should I need it? Should I want to know how she felt or know if she was thinking about me as I did for her?

The response was partly. My heart was trembling, eager to know if she had forgotten so early about everything we went through.

Though, my psyche, my brain my consciousness were struggling with themselves to forget about everything. I didn't want her, I didn't want to hear about something from her.

That was the contrast that always existed between the heart and the brain.

And after what she showed, after the way she stood against me for him, she was certainly spending great days at his company, certainly she was offering her body she had sworn was mine to him.

How I could have been so silly to trust everything she affirmed? I was ashamed of myself, I have been so duped and naive.

However, it would never happen again, never again a girl whoever she is, whatever I would feel for her, never someone will succeed to hurt me as she did.

However, what I should ask myself was to know if I would ever succeed to love again. I don't think my heart would be able to find the strength to love someone else again.

It would never happen, the state in which my heart was, was irreparable.

I would try as much as I could to forget about her, even if it was a battle lost before it started. She would live forever inside of my mind.

I would never succeed to forget about those caresses, those kisses, her smile, and the scent she had.

Never again my wolf would succeed to find someone for who he would growl and recognize her as his mate.

She was my soulmate.

Oh my gosh, what kind of shit was I saying?
There was not a girl destined for somebody, every girl could fit me, I just had to find another one and tried to knot something with her.

That was the way I tried to boost my ego, unfortunately for me, this motivation didn't last for too long, after hours I remembered that after all these years of spending looking for a mate, she was the only one who made me feel the way I felt.

But what should I do to heal my heart?
Nothing, unfortunately, nothing could be done.
I had to wait for the time.

I feted and made everything that could help to change my mind and it worked but just for a while.

As soon as I was alone, I fell again into this gloomy mood I left behind me.

I spent a moment happy, laughing, enjoying the meat, the wine, and everything that could rejoice my heart but the moment later, I was on my bed alone with that thoughts and remembrances that tortured my soul.

Why should I be sad for somebody who feels happy without me?
why?

I first of all thought of having sex with other women, going out with other girls and restarting my bachelor's life.

I tried, I invited a girl to my residence, and we spent time together, a gorgeous girl with long curled hair and a designed body, a very pretty one.

We spent time together eating, drinking, and enjoying but the moment I wanted to have sex with her, I stopped instinctively as if there was something at the bottom of my mind that prohibited me to.

I didn't succeed in fuck her up, even planting a kiss on her cheeks was impossible.

I recognized Whitney was special, and even if it hurt me to acknowledge this truth, she was outstanding.

This girl despite her beauty and gorgeousness, was not similar to Whitney, they weren't the same. She didn't know how to touch me, she didn't smile at me like only Whitney knew how to do.

They were no other glimpses that could be compared to the one she bestowed on me, even when she was angry, the beauty kept in those pair of eyes was always revealed.

Why did she let me go down, she knew how much I loved her, why did she play with me like that?

Why did she let me put myself into a trap?
Why did she let me love her yet she knew she didn't love me back?

Did she think of me, of my touches when she made love with Armand?
Did she ever think of me when he pressed his lips against hers?

I regretted everything, everything I made for her, everything I put myself into for her.

She was now my Achilles' heel, and I would never heal from it, she left me a scar I would always carry with me.

She belonged now to somebody else, and without any remorse, she moved on.

I stood in the morning, after a night full of a mixture of emotions, as always.
I was already used to this, a day warped with a sentiment of joy and a night filled with sorrow alone on my bed.

I ate the breakfast the maid came with on my bed, a pancake anointed with honey and a cup of milk with some fruits.

I called the butler to organize a trip with one of the teams of tourism, I wanted to explore the country I needed to change my air.

I wanted to explore this forest I always heard about, the Amazon, the hugest forest in the world.

I wanted to explore everything, to climb Mount, to discover new passions.

To explore this mount in Rio de Janeiro, mount Corcovado, I wanted to do things I would have never thought of since.

The butler went immediately after my order, and I went to the rooftop, I had a pool there, the one I appreciate the most.

I entered and tried to find pleasure in swimming, but at a moment I stopped lifting my eyes to the sky.

'I wanted to do all these things with you, you and nobody else, but...' I stopped, swallowing the last word. I didn't need to fancy again about what she did to me.

Though, to be truthful with myself, I needed to know how she was feeling now without me, and what she was going through.

I couldn't retain my heart from feeling how it felt.

'What could she be doing at this moment?' I was eager to know, but there was no coming back.