Chapter 18

Chapter Fifteen
Happy, Like All The Time
I knew what was happening.
I'm not an idiot and I read enough books.
Noah and I were clearly getting closer and I was starting to let my guard down around him. Sure, I let him in but I wasn't going to tell him anything about what he really wanted to know - the raven, the bad luck, why I was afraid to get attached.
Those memories were locked somewhere deep and far, very, very far at the scary corners at the back of my mind that were filled with cobwebs.
I was letting my guard down, letting him know me better but those things, those memories that I left in Saratoga, those things were for me to know and that was it.
I didn't even talk about them with Charlie and Ezra so there was no way that Noah would find out about them. That was something I needed to make clear.
Anyways, after laying awake all night on Sunday after Noah left my house because Ezra had interrupted what was about to happen, I did some thinking.
For the very first time in a long, long time, I actually saw that I had some good luck. Noah and I not kissing was my good luck.
Sure, it's awkward that Ezra walked in but it was better this way because things would have gotten complicated and messy and... yeah, just not a good idea.
I decided it was best to distant myself from Noah which I know seems ridiculous and like an idea that will not work but it will.
See, Noah and I were obviously getting closer and that was something I could not help but I had to be careful and make sure this friendship remained a friendship and didn't grow into anything more because Noah was starting to make it seem like that's the direction it was going. Luckily, I was going to make sure it didn't.
That whole ignoring and avoiding thing that happened last week was honestly agitating and very awkward. I knew I couldn't ignore or avoid him because we hung out with everyone together everyday, I saw him all the time at school, and we had the same friends so ignoring and avoiding were out of the picture. It would make things too tense and awkward which would suck for everyone in the group.
So instead, I decided that yes I will remain friends with him but I'll distant myself enough to ensure that nothing like an almost-kiss would happen again.
It's happened three times so it was likely to happen again and if that almost-kiss turned into an actual kiss... well, that was what I was dodging.
I couldn't not be friends with him at this point but I couldn't stay friends with him the way we are now. We're too close. That needs to change so much to the point where he no longer will feel comfortable getting out of his car and following me up my driveway, telling me we're going to hangout even if I am arguing with him saying no.
It won't be awkward because we'll still stay friends. It'll be less like me and Leo or me and Luke and will be more like me and Kai. We're friends, we talk along with the rest of the group but we aren't close enough to be left one-on-one without it being kind of awkward. Make sense?
It sounded like a good idea.
The next day, Monday, I returned Noah's clothes to him.
"Hey," Noah was standing at his locker when I walked up to him. He turned around, a little confused and surprised when he saw me. I gave him a tight lipped smile. "Here are your clothes. Thank you for letting me borrow them, I appreciate it."
Noah looked at me like I was growing a third eyeball. He was confused at my... well, my sweet tone.
I smiled, waiting for him to take his clothes but he just stood there, baffled.
I cleared my throat and reached my arms out further, his clothes folded and stacked in my hands. Noah shook his head, still confused as he took the clothes.
I spun on my heel to turn to leave when he grabbed my arm and turned me around, "Tiffany, can we... like, talk? I mean, are we-"
I cut Noah off as I subtly shook my arm out of his grasp. He looked at my arm and then back to my face. It was subtle but he noticed the small action.
I smiled that... small, weird, not heartfelt smile, "I got to get to class. We'll talk later." One more smile and I turned and walked away, leaving him standing there with the upmost lost look on his face.
Later at lunch I caught up with Ezra before he had gotten to the cafeteria.
"Hey, where are you going?"
Ezra looked at me weird, "To the caf... where we always eat?" his statement came out as a question because he was confused.
"Do you want to go out to eat?" I quickly asked, looking around to make sure Luke wasn't in sight because he would pull me into the cafeteria or get the whole group to join if we were eating elsewhere.
"What?" Ezra sputtered, looking at me like I was insane. "Why are you acting like your ass is on fire, like, literal fire."
I gave him an unamused look, "funny. There's a cafe down the road that I heard is really good. Let's go eat there."
"I thought you liked the group." He muttered in confusion, "I mean aren't you friends with Jade and Luke and Noah and shit? I mean, why are you doing what you did on your first day here?"
I rolled my eyes, "Come on, Razzi. I just... need some low-key time you know? Luke is really loud and I have a headache already and- oh, hey! Don't you need to hack a dart or something?" I looked at him hopefully, smiling with my eyebrows raised.
Ezra narrowed his eyes at me, "You're the one getting me to stop smoking and now you're persuading me by telling me to smoke?"
I groaned, "Yeah, that was low, sorry. But can we still go? The cafe? Or we can even eat at the bleachers outside?"
"Tiffany," Ezra grabbed hold of my shoulders and lightly shook me. "What is wrong with you?"
I sighed and calmed down a bit. "Fine. I just... wanted to go to the cafe and didn't want the whole group coming along because it's a low-key place and-"
Ezra cut me off by placing a hand up to tell me to stop.
For a moment, I was going to tell him the truth but then decided against. See, if I told him about the real reason why I didn't want to sit in the cafeteria and have to face Noah, not only would he tell me I'm an idiot and drag me in there, he would also start going off about me liking Noah.
I don't like Noah and I don't need one of my friends bringing it up because that wouldn't change my mind or knock sense into me.
I knew I didn't like him. I knew why I was avoiding him.
Ezra knew me best so even if I explained the whole 'getting attached and having chances of him getting hurt by me' stuff, he would understand but he would try to lecture me and convince me I need to stop being afraid and blah blah, you get it.
"Fine," Ezra cut me off. "I will come only because you're not going to shut up. And because I want to smoke... and because Luke is happy, like all the time. I don't get how he does it. I swear, nothing can piss the kid off." Ezra started rambling so he shook his head, "Let's go."
The whole lunch he kept asking me what was really going on and even brought Noah up. I kept making stupid excuses and changing the subject so eventually he let it go.
In math, I put my headphones in and practiced everything that I had learnt from Noah. It helped me avoid conversation with him and Luke who kept trying to talk to me.
By the end of the day, I left school as fast as I could which was now easier to do because this morning my dad had surprised me with a car that I knew he was getting me anyways because him and my mom both told me I would get one since I did leave one behind in Saratoga... sort of.
On Tuesday, the same thing went down.
I managed to avoid a long conversation with Noah all morning after saying hey to him and the rest of the group when I saw them in the morning.
In english, Cade sat with me which was new but it was nice. We talked about random things and overall, he was easy to talk to and get along with.
Since english was right before lunch, I ended up hanging out with Cade at lunch. He offered and I accepted because I liked the kid and it helped me get out of sitting with the group which was beneficially in case Noah finally decided to confront me.
I knew I was being stupid and extra and pathetic and making things complicated but... I had to do this for a while because...
In all honesty, I kind of missed Noah.
I was getting used to him and was starting to be dependent on him. I needed to avoid him right now so it would be easier in a few weeks time to not be friends with him the way we used to be.
Cade and I sat at the bleachers outside and lunch was... good. We laughed and talked and it was nice because he wasn't nosey at all.
Then I skipped math class.
Bad idea, I know.
I also said I wouldn't avoid him and now I was.
I still did math. I skipped and sat in the library, trying to study.
In my defence, I for some reason started to feel really anxious before math class and no way in hell was ready to see Noah or talk to Luke like I was perfectly fine. I was afraid of Noah asking me what was wrong and asking me if we were cool because I still didn't know how I was supposed to be his friend without being his friend how I was.
It's complicated and I am pathetic.
Wednesday came along.
I saw Noah in the morning before classes when the group was gathered together by the lockers.
I avoided his gaze as I talked to Jade and Joy about a movie that was coming out that they wanted to go see. I could feel Noah's gaze on me.
"I saw the trailer, it looked kind of stupid." I admitted.
"Really?" Joy frowned. "I thought it would be good."
"It's coming out on Saturday, we could go watch it." Jade suggested. "If it turns out to be bad, we can hate-watch it."
I grinned, "May as well, right."
"Sounds like a plan." Joy smiled. "We'll figure out what time we should go later."
I nodded, "Okay, I got to get to class so I'll see you guys later."
"Wait!" Jade stopped me. "Are you joining us at lunch? You haven't been around lately."
I opened my mouth to respond but closed it when I didn't have an answer.
"Yeah, where have you been?" Joy added.
"Um, I'll see. I might have to... meet my other friend at lunch so I'll let you guys know." I gave them a tight lipped smile and waved them off as I started to walk down the hall.
Noah hadn't even been paying attention to whatever Leo and Charlie were talking about. I could tell when I looked at him from the corner of my eye.
I was walking when an arm pulled me back.
"Wha- Noah, hey!" I exclaimed a little too brightly. I wiped the smile off my face and awkwardly coughed. "Hi. What's wrong?"
Noah gave me an unamused look as if saying 'are you serious right now?'. "What's wrong? You tell me."
I forced a chuckle and looked at him innocently, "What do you mean? I'm fine. I got to get to class-"
I turned to walk away but he stopped me again. He pulled me back causing me to fall right into his chest. I looked at my hands that were resting on his chest, the warmth from his body being felt on my hands. I cleared my throat and pushed myself off him, giving him a tired but questioning look.
"Why are you avoiding me?" His eyes narrowed as they scanned my face. I tried to figure out what he was thinking or feeling but couldn't because he had a poker face on, no emotion to be seen except for the fact that he seemed to be a little confused with me.
I forced a laugh, "What? I'm not, Noah. I just have a lot of work in my classes and I'm going to be late if you keep pulling me back."
I gave him a pointed look as I nodded my head at his hand that was still softly holding my arm.
Noah reluctantly let go. His eyes scanned my face one more time as he tried to figure out what was going on. Finally, he sighed, "so... are we okay? Or is this ab-"
I shook my head, smiling as I cut him off, "Yup, we're okay. Really. I got to get to class so I'll see you later!"
"Wait, Tif-"
I didn't hear what else he was going to say because I scampered off, sighing in relief when he didn't pull me back and stop me again.
When I turned the hall and knew he was no longer behind me and couldn't see me anymore, I stopped walking. I shook my head, sighing as I backed up against a locker and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and taking a second to gather myself.
He was going to bring up the almost-kiss. This was hard. Avoiding him, not talking to him, dodging him and his questions, smiling like we're okay when all I can think about is watching Prison Break with him and throwing popcorn at him and staying up just laying there to talk about stupid things like zombies and aliens and when and how the world is going to end.
I groaned, pushing myself off the locker and heading to class before the warning bell rang.