Chapter 21

Chapter Eighteen
No Beef
The next day at school was kind of hell. I was beyond, beyond thankful that it was a Friday but it didn't help the day go by any faster.
All day at school people were staring and murmuring quietly as I walked by. Nobody had the guts to laugh even if they wanted to because although Madison pulled that stunt, they had all seen me tell her off and almost beat her face to pulp three times so nobody was going to laugh in my face.
Madison was nowhere to be seen which was good because it meant she was scared but it was also disappointing because I wanted to watch her go into armadillo mode when I glare at her because everyone knew she was still scared of me... and of Noah.
I walked through the halls like a living Mona Lisa, knowing very well all the stares and hushed conversations were directed at me. However, thanks to Ezra who I had by my side, he would give people a cold and harsh look that would instantly make them scatter away. He was intimidating like that.
"This is bullshit," I muttered. "Why the fuck are we hiding out here?" I asked everyone as the whole group at outside at the bleachers at lunch.
"We thought you'd want to..." Luke mumbled softly.
I avoided everyone's gazes as I stared at the field ahead of us, "They need to stop with the stares. It's not like I'm walking around covered in mop water and period paint."
"Period paint?" Luke murmured.
At the same time, Leo said, "You're not covered anymore but that's how everyone pictures it after seeing you like that."
"The fuck, man?" Kai smacked Leo as everyone glared at him, looking at Leo like he was an idiot. He kind of was.
I laughed which took everyone by surprise. "What? He's right. Everyone saw it and it is now burned into their memory for the rest of my high school experience but that doesn't mean we sit out here and hide from everyone."
"We're not hiding," Jade defended, speaking softly. "We just thought you'd like some time away from the stares and annoying talk."
I smiled, "I do appreciate it, thank you guys, you really didn't have to do this."
"Of course we did," Charlie spoke up. "You're one of us, sis. We're here for you."
I smiled gratefully but looked down at my lap as the sheepishness and flattered embarrassment made my cheeks heat up.
I wasn't heartless.
I also got awkward when all the attention drifted onto me like this. That's ironic considering I didn't hesitate to jump onto Madison while I was... yeah, we all understand what happened. No need to go over being covered in disgusting mop water and paint designated to mock a period stain.
"So anyways," Leo spoke up once again, taking caution so nobody would smack him again. "What are we doing about Madison? I was thinking we cou-"
"We're not doing anything." Noah finally spoke for the first time all lunch, speaking for me. Everyone's attention turned to him before they looked between me and him, confused.
"What?" Joy sputtered. "Why the hell not?"
"I have to agree with Joy on that one," Ezra chimed in, looking at me with his eyes narrowed as he clearly picked up on this being my idea. "What do you mean we aren't going to do anything? Just going to let her get away with this?"
I sighed, "look guys, this is on me and she'll just keep coming back at me with worse and worse and I frankly don't want to see the worse that she's got. I'm not afraid to take her out but I also don't want to go through a repetitive cycle of childish pranks. In the end, I'll end up beating her ass to worse than pulp and aside from that, why risk getting caught or her snitching so I get suspended?"
Everyone exchanged looks as they took in my words and debated what they thought.
"I understand that but whatever this is isn't just you, Tiff." Charlie said, breaking the silence we had fallen into. "I'm just saying, we all hate her as much as you do."
"Charlie's right," Jade said firmly. "Revenge aside, none of us like her what so ever. All she's done for years is piss us off."
"I get that but think about what I'm saying." I said calmly, not fazed. "Why spend more time dealing with her annoying puddinitous ass? After what Noah said to her yesterday I doubt she'll have the guts to show her face to anyone of us again. Let's just be the bigger people. We got the last word, now we can walk away."
"What about all the people in the halls who are staring and making this a big deal?" Luke asked, seeming concerned for me.
I shrugged nonchalantly, "doesn't matter. It's the talk of the day and will be blown over in a weeks time."
"Tiff's right," Ezra said as he leaned back and lit a cigarette. He let out a puff before continuing, "Everyone knows Madison was trying to win some big status or something but failed. I mean, she pulled it off and definitely made a show but we got the last word and she isn't going to show her face to us again nor is anyone going to fuck with us anyways."
"Okay," Luke shrugged. "No beef."
Soon after that, everyone agreed and we decided that we were going to let it go.
Lunch was over and we all headed in when Ezra pulled me back. "Since when do you back down from a chance to show you're badass?"
I stopped walking and gave him a flat look, "Since I learned that things can get out of hand and end very badly."
I walked away without another glance and he didn't stop me.
Functions class wasn't too bad and mainly consisted of not a lot of work being done while Luke and I talked about random things from why the Twilight series suck to whether it's possible that Hitler could still be alive.
Don't ask.
Luke was weird and somehow brought up random things you wouldn't otherwise ever think about.
It was at the end of class when I was leaving, I was stopped by a hand gently grabbing my arm.
I turned expecting Luke or Leo or Ezra but instead saw Noah. I shouldn't be surprised.
He let go of my arm, the warmth I felt leaving as quick as it came. He looked at me with emotion void from his face and I looked back at him with the same look.
We were fine. I think we were fine.
We both knew we were still friends but we also knew that... that we weren't friends. Not like we use to be. Not like we should be.
I wondered if I made a mistake with this whole distance thing but that quickly went away when my mind flooded with flashbacks and I knew it was not a mistake to distance myself for his own good.
"The math test got moved to Monday. We should meet to study if you still want me to help you." Noah's voice was firm and distant, not something I was used to hearing from him. "If we meet tonight or this weekend you'll be set for the test and then we can continue with the tutoring if you want help with the rest of the units as well."
I nodded, "Okay, yeah. That sounds good." I needed the help and... fuck math, I missed him and - what was I doing?! "We can meet up tonight."
"Do you want to come over or...? I mean, Colton wanted to see you." He now looks uncomfortable but still spoke with his tone dull and distant. I knew he was suggesting his house because his brothers would be there which meant we wouldn't be alone in case Charlie wasn't at our house. Even if Charlie or Ezra were home, they would never stay and study with us or watch us study.
I hesitated before answering, "how about we go to the library? It'll be less distracting." I used distraction as an excuse because I didn't want to admit that I was afraid to be left alone with him at his house. His brothers - whichever one it be, would end up leaving us alone at some point. At least at the library it was more public.
Noah nodded. I scanned his face and tried to figure out what he was feeling or thinking but he was good at concealing. Just as good as I was. "Okay. I'll meet you at your locker after next period."
I nodded and watched him walk away.
This was harder than it seemed.
It was so weird and difficult because we were still friends but it was awkward because neither one of us knew how to act.
I knew it was all my fault and couldn't blame him because he was confused and doesn't even know what went wrong.
In his eyes, I'm just some crazy person who's being moody and my distancing myself is making him think it's wrong for him to act normal around me.
I guess that's exactly what I was going for but it still sucked. I knew I was doing the right thing for both of us in the long run and maybe one day I could explain that to him, but for now I had to keep doing what I was doing in order for us to remain friends but at a certain distance so nobody got hurt.
He just wouldn't understand why I was doing this.
I knew why I was. It made sense.
I went over it so many times in my head to make sure I wasn't being crazy but I still wasn't sure.
I liked Noah and spending time with him and I felt comfortable around him which was something I didn't get with a lot of people because I had a lot of barriers up.
The problem was the whole attachment thing. Was I really ready to risk it and get attached when I knew I would get too dependant on him and end up hurting him?
I've already hurt too many people and didn't want to hurt anyone else or loose anyone - especially Noah.
Theoretically, even if I don't end up hurting him - if you take that out of the picture, I still couldn't get attached because that would mean that I have to tell him things that would scare him off anyways. He wouldn't want to even look at me if he knew some things that I have been part of.
The warning bell rang, pulling me away from my thoughts. I quickly headed to class and avoided getting lost in thought again.