Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Two
Red
"I never finished the-"
"Who is that?" I cut off Charlie who was in the middle of talking about some assignment he had. My eyes narrowed at a familiar face along with a new face I hadn't seen before all the way down the hallway.
I was standing with Charlie, Jade, Luke, and Kai against the lockers, all of us talking and wasting time before we had to start getting to our first classes for the day.
"Who?" Luke asked in confusion, trying to figure out who I was referring to as he followed my line of sight. The hallways were crowded with students right now since there were still twenty minutes until classes started.
Down the hall was Noah who was walking, talking, and laughing with some redhead who I had never seen before. She was stunning. Absolutely fair and perfect skin, perfectly straight but also voluminous hair that practically swayed as she walked, and the most bright blue eyes I had ever seen. She looked like she could easily be a model.
"Her," I exhaled, my eyes not leaving her and Noah. She was holding a piece of paper that Noah seemed to be explaining to her.
"Oh, her," Kai said with a small smile. "That's Amy Ackerman. She's new here, just moved from Australia. Mr.Arnold asked Noah to be her tour guide since they both have the same homeroom class."
Of course Noah was requested to be the tour guide being the perfect golden boy he is. It wasn't surprising that even the teachers counted on him.
"Hey guys," Noah smiled as he came up us with Amy beside him. "This is Amy, she's new here. These are some of my friends, Charlie, his sister Tiffany, Kai, Jade, and I told you a bit about Luke."
His sister Tiffany
Was I nothing else? I mean, of course, what was I thinking?
Noah and I weren't really friends like he was with everyone else in the group - we only knew each other because I am Charlie's sister.
His comment bothered me although I knew he didn't think twice about it. I didn't know why it bothered me but perhaps it was because I considered Noah a good friend at this point so why couldn't get a normal introduction like everyone else. Why was I just his friend's sister?
Maybe I'm thinking too far into it... yeah, that's it.
"Hi..." Amy said shyly, smiling lightly as her hair draped her face like curtains. "It's nice to meet you guys."
What was ever better was that she had an Australian accent. She couldn't get much better than this.
"Hey there, Red." Luke smiled brightly, already dubbing Amy with a nickname.
I looked at Luke with my eyes narrowed to slits. I had to clench my jaw so tight it felt like my teeth could crack. It helped me from having my jaw drop as I was surprised by Luke.
Red? When Luke met me, he dubbed me with Princess and now I was already getting replaced, seconds after we had met this Amy girl.
I exhaled through my noes, "I got to get to class. See you guys later." I had to get away from this before I started digger deeper into everything anyone said and getting myself into a worse mood.
"But class doesn't start for another fifteen minutes," Jade called behind me, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion.
"I have to hand some things in beforehand." I dismissed before quickly walking away, not missing the odd look her and Luke were giving me.
"My dad got a job offer so we moved out here." Red - I mean Amy, explained with a smile as we all sat in the cafeteria at lunch.
She already got introduced to the rest of the group thanks to Noah and Luke who was bright and cheery like usual.
Noah was supposed to be her tour guide so I wasn't sure why she was all of a sudden part of the group now.
"Your mom too?" Joy asked, her head resting on Kai's shoulder.
Amy sighed, a sad smile on her lips, "No. She died in a surfing accident when I was younger."
"Oh," Joy lifted her head, a sheepish look taking over her features. "I'm so sorry. That must've been rough."
"It was but don't apologize." Amy gave Joy a reassuring smile.
I wanted to loudly groan and bang my head on the table. She was nice so I had no reason to hate her. God, I wish she was more like Madison so nobody would yell at me if I sucker punched her in the face. I don't know what it was about her but I didn't like her.
"So do you surf, red?" Luke asked, grinning at her.
"I do, actu-"
I stood up abruptly, my chair screeching against the floor as I pushed it back. Everyone turned to look at me. I forced a smile, my jaw clenched, "Just remembered I had some English notes I needed to grab from the week I missed. I'll see you guys later."
"Smoking a cigarette, huh?"
I turned my head to look over to see Ezra walking up to me with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised, a grin on his face as he was clearly amused.
"I haven't lit it yet," I grumbled, leaning against my car with the cigarette between my fingers.
"Debating whether you should? I thought you left that habit back in Saratoga." Ezra walked over and came beside me, also leaning against my car.
I rolled my eyes, "I did. That's why I haven't lit it yet."
"Can I ask where you got one from?"
"I pick-pocketed it from you," I said dully, not looking at him.
Ezra chuckled, "I figured. Surprised you're still that good because I didn't notice."
"I was always better at it than you were," I muttered dryly, not interested.
Ezra sighed and snatched the cigarette from my hand, snapping it in half before dropping it on the ground and stepping on it.
I looked at him with my eyebrows furrowed, "What the hell? What if I was going to smoke that?"
"You weren't," he stated firmly, a knowing look on his face. He was calm and composed like usual, not affected by my irritated and glum mood. "And if you were, you'll be even more thankful later."
I rolled my eyes and looked away from him.
"What's up with you, anyways?"
"Nothing." I muttered under my breath.
Ezra scoffed, "Try again. I knew you well enough to follow you out here, don't act dainty with me, Tiff."
I looked at Ezra and sighed. He was right and he did know me well enough to see I was not myself today. "I don't know what it is, Raz. She's nice and just like someone I would be friends with but... I don't want her to be here."
"You think you're getting replaced." Ezra stated casually, like it was written on my forehead. "You don't like her because Noah and Luke like her already and that makes you jealous and scared although you will never admit that to anyone including yourself or me."
I narrowed my eyes and scoffed, "Jealous and scared? No, Raz."
Ezra nodded his head in affirmation, not bothering to consider what I was saying. "As much as you may deny it and hate it, you were getting close to Noah and to Luke which is something you promised yourself you wouldn't do with anyone. You were starting to let them in and get to know you and you enjoy spending time with them. Now, Amy is here. The group has clearly taken a liking to her and you're afraid they'll forget you exist. You're scared you're going to loose more people which by the way, you aren't."
I wanted to punch Ezra but I also didn't because he was right and I hated that. I felt nauseous, like I was going to throw up.
"You finally were getting comfortable here in Long Grove, accepting that the past was in the past and it's okay for you to move on but with Amy here, you think there is no reason for you to stay." Ezra continued, his face straight and emotionless.
I pushed myself off the car and gave Ezra a cold look, "What's your point? You want me to admit I was letting my guard down or that I did say I wasn't going to get close with anyone but here I am getting close to people? What do you want, Ezra? Do you want me to say you're right, because you're right."
I pushed past him and started to walk away, not wanting to hear more of what he was saying.
Ezra grabbed my arm and pulled me back, stopping me from leaving.
"Let me fucking go," I snapped as I yanked my arm away from him, now purely angry.
"It's okay," he said calmly, not fazed or taken aback by my rude snapping. "It's okay to let people in and move on, Tiff. We all move on. You have to stop allowing yourself to think about what happened and drown in it. What happened can't be shifted or changed as much as we all would like it to be. Facts are that it's never going to stop hurting but that doesn't mean you can't move on."
"I have moved on," I muttered through gritted teeth, my eyes cold and icy as I looked at Ezra. My fists were clenched so hard I was afraid the blood would stop circulating in them. "I'm not crying, I'm not drinking or smoking to forget about it for a few hours, I'm not falling off the tracks. I am dealing with the pain I feel on a daily basis. I am going to stupid ice-cream shops and bowling alleys and cafes with the group, pretending nothing happened. I am dealing with all of it and I am fine."
"But you're not," Ezra said, his eyes soft as he looked at me. It stunned me how calm and collected he was and remained. "You're pretending it didn't happen. You're walking around with your guard up, shoving down all of your emotions and not letting anyone into your life. You want to let Noah in but you won't because you've convinced yourself you're going to hurt him but what happened was not your fault, Tiffany. Fucking hell, when are you going to stop blaming yourself?" Now Ezra was shaking his head in disappointment and sadness, almost.
I felt like I was about to choke on a sob, my gut feeling like it was in my throat.
"You're right, Ezra. I do shove away all my emotions and put my guard up and not let people in because I don't want to go through that bullshit again. You don't realize I stay up all night crying, I wake up almost every night in a cold sweat because I had a nightmare - even when I take the sleeping pills. Don't fucking act like I'm not dealing with it because I fucking am dealing with it. Just because I don't feel comfortable getting close to someone again, does not mean I'm not fucking coping." I shoved past him when once again, he stopped me and pulled me back.
"I'm sorry. We all cope in our own ways and I know you're dealing with it in yours." He exhaled through his noes before continuing, "You can let people in, Tiff. You're not going to hurt anyone especially not Noah. Whatever you're worried about, you don't have to be. And as for Amy, just because they make a new friend or meet someone they like does not mean they're forgetting about you. Those guys love you - the whole group does. You're the first person Jade and Joy think about when we make plans, Leo always wants you around but he's too shy to admit it, Charlie's always worrying about you but doesn't know how to talk to you about it, Luke practically glows like Radium when he's see you and we all know Noah can't take his eyes off you."
I knew Ezra was only trying to make me feel better but he was doing the opposite.
I smiled a smile that wasn't really a smile - it was more of a bitter one.
I felt bad taking my anger out on Ezra because he was only trying to make me feel better but I couldn't help but say whatever was on my mind. I knew Ezra didn't mind me taking out my emotions on his but it was still wrong. He didn't deserve with my bitchyness - God knows he's put up with enough of me.
I scoffed, "Really? That's convincing because I walked away for the second time today, giving the most bullshit excuse and I don't see any of them running after me."
I pulled my arm away from Ezra and this time, actually managed to walk away.