99 | FUELING TIME

“Am I going to become a Revenant?” I whisper, fear plain in my voice. Blue’s hand wraps around mine, the one not clutching the blanket to me, and lightly squeezes.

“If you continue using the power as you have,” Nikki nods somberly. “But if you can learn to control the usage-”

“I didn’t even know how to get out this time!” I hiss, my fangs dropping as fear and anger surge through me, clouding the normally cold-calculation of my vamp side. “It was completely out of my control. If you hadn’t shown up when you did, I was just going to bite the bullet and grab one of those chords.” I admit more softly.

“In which case, you would have been subjected to the instant-kill protocol.” Nikki confirms what I had guessed. I press my lips tighter together, mentally playing that scenario out in my mind. “It’s a good thing I was on duty today,” Nikki continues. “I know your scent well. It was all across the cosmos for a moment there.”

“My scent?” I cringe at her words, wondering how my scent could have spread ‘across the cosmos’ like she says - and how an Ancient could possibly smell it.

“Every time your power feeds from your soul, it’s like cooking meat over a fire.” Nikki explains, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes as she tries to make an analogy. “Since time is part of the fabric of this universe, whenever someone like you tampers with it the way you have, a piece of your soul gets burned up and your scent scatters through the little rips or weakened spots.” I grimace as her words somehow make my stomach cramp with hunger.

“How much is left?” I ask carefully, trying to deaden the twisting in my chest at the thought that I’ve been destroying pieces of my soul to fuel a power I have little to no control over.

“Of your soul?” Nikki guesses, hesitating as her eyes search mine. “Enough for you to live a long life, should you learn proper control.” It’s not a direct answer, and I’m about to press for a more specific answer when she speaks. “It is part of the reason why your hair has become the way it has. Think of that as an outward manifestation of your soul.” I hear my teeth click as I shut my mouth, my eyes widening as I process that.

“Is there any way we can reverse it?” Blue asks beside me, his voice almost as raw as mine. He’s stroking the back of my hand soothingly, trying to help calm the storm of fear in me.

“I’m afraid not. Only a few supernaturals have the ability to regenerate their souls, and Scarlett’s not one of them.” Nikki replies somberly, still watching me. I press my lips tighter together as my heart thuds more rapidly in my chest.

A shiver crawls up my back, making me shudder painfully as I realize I’m already closer to becoming a Revenant that ever. Maybe it’s a reality that’s far, far into my future, but it’s more likely now that I’ve learned what’s really going on. I close my eyes as I process this, letting my mind fall silent with the shock of it all and just forcing myself to let this news wash over me. *There’s nothing I can do to change it. No way I can undo what’s been done.*

The fear in me lessens a little as I accept this, part of the emotional tidal wave within me deadens to a calmer ocean. *Freaking out won’t help anything*. I take a long, deep breath and re-open my eyes, my body leaning into Blue’s side. I feel his face press into the hollow of my neck, one of the few parts of me spared by the fiery chords. I can feel his resolve and confidence, that this isn’t the end for us, flow through me.

My wolf surfaces in response to my more relaxed mood, warming the chill in me and making some of the wounds throb a little more potently as my body struggles to heal itself. I release the air in my lungs and give Nikki a wary smile.

“So, how do I ‘learn control’?” I ask and then think a little more on the last hour. “And how do I get back to normal time without breaking anymore rules?”

“Control will come with practice. As for resuming time, and avoiding activating the instant-kill protocol, all you have to do is ground yourself in the moment.” Nikki replies conversationally. I blink at her, then blink again, waiting for a better explanation. She doesn’t give one.

“What like,” I stare at her. “Stay calm?”

“No, I mean,” Nikki sighs, her voice flattening. “Focus on the speed of time. Your time. Think of the feel of each moment, every minute and hour.” She instructs. I blink at her, wondering if she’s lost it.

“That seems a little-” Blue starts, but then I feel time jerk around us, and the vibrating chords reappear around us. Nikki and I blink at each other, and the Ancient tilts her head to me.

“Try it,” She orders me gently. I try not to freak out as I look at the vibrating, translucent chords around me - afraid they’re about to go supernova on my ass like before. They don’t. “Focus, Scarlett.” Nikki chastises me.

I grit my teeth and do what she suggested, figuring if I screw up or it doesn’t work, Nikki can pull me out of here before the chords try to kill me.

I mentally recall the dragging feel of time against me. The normal moments when I’d be sitting in class and watching as the clock on the wall would tick by, counting each second and minute. When nothing sees to happen, I close my eyes and concentrate a little harder, organizing my breathing so I’m not so anxious.

“-easy.” Blue grumbles as time resumes. I look to my mate, my eyes going wide as I realize everything is back to normal.

“I think that is good for now.” Nikki nods to me with a tiny smile pulling at the corners of her lips, and darker circles under her currently-amber-eyes. “I should return to my duties. Please do continue practicing, Scarlett.” She adds to me pointedly.

“Yeah…” I agree a little absently, surprised at how normal I feel. For the first time since I discovered the ability to slow time, I don’t feel like utter shit afterwards. I mean, it’s not like I’m not tired - more tired - than before. But it’s not like I blacked out after or was bitch-slapped by the force of time resuming. I’m just a little sleepier…and hungrier.

“Call on me if you have any pressing news to discuss.” Nikki tells me a moment before she blinks out of existence, once again taking the weird chair with her.

“You two-?” Blue asks after a moment, looking down at me. I nod, following the line of his thoughts.

“Practiced a little.” I confirm, massaging the aching area of my stomach as the organ grumbles and growls.

“You must be starving.” Blue smirks at me, and pulls gets up from the bed, pausing before turning to face me. “I’ll make you something, but you should probably…” His eyes lower to the blanket wrapped around me, his eyes lingering over the exposed portion of my shoulders and neck. “Unless you want some help-” His eyes flare with mischief and heat, making my already groaning stomach flip and flutter. For a moment, I feel like accepting, and maybe try to get him to cement our bond- but I already know whatever I try won’t work. Not after our last conversation on the subject.

“I’ll shower and you can make us a snack.” I tell him, rolling my eyes as I drag my feet past him and into the bathroom. I hear him chuckle as I shut the bathroom door, this time not bothering to lock the door - just in case.

Luckily, I’m a lot calmer now, and the added exhaustion does wonders for the minimal fear in me. I just don’t have the energy to freak out. As it is, I barely manage to shower with nearly-tepid water, gingerly washing over the ten lashes on my body. Four are covered with hot blisters, the other six are like bad sunburns. One long one stretches across my back in a skewed ‘x’, one line bridging my left shoulder to my right hip, the other starts at my left butt cheek and ends just under the right side of my ribcage. The thing landmarks my right kidney.

When I’m done washing up, I dry myself off with a fresh towel and wander into the closet for some super loose clothes. I listen to Blue rummage around the cupboards as I dress, and shuffle into the kitchen, gingerly settling myself onto my usual seat just as my mate sets a large mug of tea and plate in front of me.

The warming scent of cinnamon fills my nose as I reach for the mug, smiling at the first sip as I note the flavor of sin-a-cubes in the tea. Blue smiles back at me from the other side of the counter, bracing himself on his fore arms as he watches me with a gentle expression. I eat the entire plate of stir-fry, the meat a little more on the rare side, probably for the added blood content and nutritional value for my hybrid body.

“Back to bed,” Blue tells me lightly as he take my now empty plate from in front of me and ferries both it and my mug to the sink. I frown at him, glancing out the kitchen window to the indigo sky that’s no longer brimming with starlight. It must be nearly dawn.

“It’s too late to try and sleep now,” I huff at Blue as he pulls me from the kitchen and back towards the bedroom.

“You should try to rest up a bit anyway.” Blue insists, nuzzling my cheek lightly. I relent, letting him heard me towards the bed and plop down on it - ignoring the pull of the bandages and rub of blisters against the fabric of my loose sweats. Blue comes around the other side of the bed and stretches out beside me. I lay beside him, facing him an staring at his silvery-grey eyes. They’re glowing softly, his wolf raging just beneath the surface, probably as a result of my being so recently injured.

We say nothing as the seconds tick by, our mental connection allowing all that isn’t spoken to be exchanged without words. The itch in me, the part of me I now know as my soul - well, what’s left of it - settles as we look into each other’s eyes. I feel like I’m falling into the monochromatic depths of Blue’s gaze, falling endlessly and deeply, but it’s like falling through water. I’m not afraid of hitting rock-bottom or crashing into something that could hurt me. Its more like I’m settling into him, and him in me.

It’s complete and utter peace. A fresh breath of air. An open field of endless dreams. Everything I could have hoped for and more, laid out before me, just within reach…

Without realizing it, I tumble into a dreamless sleep.