57 | NUMBING

With the usual option of returning to the Coven making my already knotted stomach twist even more tightly, I decide to burn some energy by walking. I wander aimlessly for a while, long enough for the afternoon sun to dip under the horizon and for the sky above the canopy of fall leaves to echo the brilliant colors. Things shouldn’t be this cheery. It feels like the world is ignoring my pain, my Mom’s soon-to-be death. Like it doesn’t care. The disrespectful gusto of the sky only deepens the sadness in me, carving the crater wider and wider until it feels like I’ve got a cavern in me that will swallow up all hope and joy in the world. A black hole that light can’t escape from.

On top of Mom slowly dying, I feel the weight of the fate of the world reigniting the fears that had settled earlier. The claustrophobic compression worse than suffocating as I stumble through the woods, trying to walk-off the oppressive cloud of emotion from within. I hadn’t realized, all this time, my vampiric side had been slowly smothering me. Trying to slowly cover the fierce fire of emotions that come with being Wolven and root it all out. I almost let it, preferring the dullness of feeling next-to-nothing over the insistent roar. As my roiling mind struggles to cope with the two sides, I keep walking, making sure to put one foot in front of the other. It’s the only thing I can do while I try to mentally sort everything out.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” A voice disrupts my inner darkness and I look up to see a familiar young Wolven glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. Her attitude and the fierceness of her grey-eyed stare finally has me realizing where I am. I’d been so absorbed by my thoughts that my feet took me here on autopilot. I’ve wandered into Azure territory, halfway between their borders and the Main House. “You need to meet with the Alpha and get clearance before-” I blink as my head suddenly clears and I stand up a little straighter.

“*Fuck it.* You know what, I’ll have that meeting with your Alpha now.” I huff out, throwing my hands in the air and glaring back at Valeria. She blinks at me, looking like she thinks I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have. But honestly, I need to think about something else right now. Not about the apocalypse or Mom’s worsening health. Just something less…something with a smaller chance of ending me. And right now, meeting with the Alpha of the Azure Pack sounds like it fits the bill.

“Fine.” Valeria’s mouth twitches after a long moment and she spins on her heel to escort me to the Main House. I follow behind her a few paces, the reluctance of my facing the situation stinging at my resolve - but not hampering it in any way. Still, there’s a certain, odd nervousness settling into my stomach.

Last time I spoke to the Alpha, Salvador Azure, Blue’s dad, was the night we made the plan of attack against the Reiniers. I know there were casualties on both sides of the aisle, but neither Pack has told me exactly how many were lost or injured. I haven’t been privy to that kind of information since I’m not part of either Pack. But I can’t help but wonder why now of all times, my pass to go in and out of the territory has been revoked. You’d think it would have been dissolved sooner if the Alpha was mad at me or something.

I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it. But things do feel a little off now that I’m deeper into the territory. Just as Valeria and I start up the wooden steps of the Main House, a loud crash breaks through the silence and I catch the unmistakable snarls of fighting Wolven. Massive clumps of grey, brown and black are wrestling with each other on the edges of the clearing, red flecking the bark of the surrounding trees as the forms of the shifted wolves fight.

It’s not a friendly battle either - or even a sparring match. By the aggressive growls and howls of pain, I know this is an all-out fight - possibly even a death-match.

Valeria growls at the sight, pausing in front of me for a moment and eyeing the forms moving too fast for me to see clearly what the individual features of the Wolven are.

“Go inside and wait for the Alpha in his office. You know the way?” Valeria asks me, not bothering to look at me as she hops over the railing and drops to the ground on the other side in a crouch. The exposed skin of her arms and the back of her neck rippling and sprouting fur before I can answer.

“Yeah-” I say, and the second the word is out of my mouth, she takes off towards the brawl in her wolf form. For a second, I consider running after her, trying to join in on the fight and help her break up what looks to be an even match. But I know it’s not my place. My Wolven side yearns to help, but at the same time, seems to recognize that this isn’t our Pack. We can’t just go charging into the situation, no matter how much we want to. I have to respect their laws…

I tear my eyes away from the fight and go into the Main House, navigating through the already-lit interior of the building until I reach the Alpha’s office. The door to the room is open, and no one is inside, so I enter and take a seat in front of the neat desk in the center of the room. Last time I was here, the top of that desk had been strewn with battle reports and maps and other assorted war-time papers. Today it’s orderly, a stack of papers in a wire-mesh box off to one side and a very large, empty, coffee mug on the other.

I can smell the signature pine of Azure in the air, but oddly enough, the cataloged scent of Alpha Salvador - pine and something similar to ink - is fainter in here. My nose twitches, breathing in a scent I’m more familiar with, that of fresh parchment and pine…Blue’s scent. My head tilts to the side as I study the coffee mug, wondering briefly if I got the room wrong, when there’s a soft knock on the wall behind me.

“What’re you doing here, Red?” Blue asks me, looking a little worse for ware. His hair, normally wild and messy, is absolutely disheveled and battle-worn. There are blooming bruises along his left jaw that stretch up to his eye, and his knuckles are freshly scabbed over. The scent of blood clings to him, though there’s not a spec of it on his rumbled shirt or jeans.

“I-I’m here to talk to the Alpha about my pass that allows me to cross into the territory-”

“Right,” Blue interrupts me before I can ramble on and drags a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, I forgot to restore it after the wards were redrawn.” He sighs, his posture slumping a little as he crosses the room and comes over to me.

“You?’ I frown, replaying his words on a loop in my head. “Did your dad pass along more responsibility to you?” I ask him, wondering if I misheard him or misunderstood what he said. Blue’s expression freezes in place, his eyes widening a tiny degree as he seems to realize he’s just let something slip. “Blue?” I ask him when he doesn’t immediately answer.

“Fuck…” He suddenly breathes and presses both of his palms against his face, rubbing roughly as if it’ll erase whatever he’s just let slip. “I can’t keep this facade up. It’s getting harder to keep you out of this shit.” He groans, his hands dropping so he can look at me tiredly. “I’m already at my limit with trying to deal with all this myself. Looks like Val’s finally getting her way.” He adds the last bit with a little more venom and bitterness as he straightens and looks me in the eye. “There was a…dispute between me and my father eight months ago. I went to Darklight after the Ancient told me about…everything but it ended bad. Really bad.” He runs a hand through his hair and lets out another heavy sigh, his eyes falling from mine to glare at the floor. “I didn’t have a choice. He and the older members wanted to stay out of it completely after we took so many losses last year. But Yuri, Cole, Caly, Misha and, really most of the younger generation sided with me.” The world starts closing in around me as I realize what the hell’s going on, the weight of my mates words hitting me like a train. “I fought my father or the Alphaship and took over. I’m the Alpha of the Azure Pack now.”