51 | BITTER SWEET MELODIES

For some reason, most of the teachers have decided that the whole senior class needs to do intensive prep for our midterms and cram us into the school’s auditorium for the most mind-numbing study sessions in the world. We’re all excused from every other class that isn’t part of the core curriculum - much to Ms. Jones’ dismay - and expected to only break for lunch. Darine and Blue become drill Sargents, cramming information into mine and Yuri’s brains during the last hour, and making me regret ever deciding to be serious about my future as a ‘normal’ person.

Then, to top it all off, I have to hurry back to the Coven to read through the even more mind-numbing reports. Things around Darklight, Red Valley, and Colton have gotten suspiciously quiet. Reports note how devoid the three towns are of humans - like a Bermuda triangle in the middle of the country. Something’s going on in the West as well, just beyond the Rockies. And by ‘something’ I mean no one has any freaking idea what. Hunters have started taking out any and all supernaturals without question, making getting intel on the area incredibly difficult.

Winter storms and weather fluctuations in the area tell us something’s happening, but I haven’t gotten anything beyond that. Nikki hasn’t been around, despite me shouting into my office for the Ancient almost everyday. My stomach’s tied in perpetual knots and sleep isn’t much of an option to escape these days.

The usual nightmares that plague me when the sun goes down have officially made me forget what a decent night of sleep feels like. Almost becoming routine, Blue wakes me and helps me calm down each time, not coming to the Coven physically, but mentally whispering and soothing me until I can fall back asleep. Sometimes his mental words of reassurance are enough to keep the horrific images and echoing screams from consuming me for a second time if I do manage to fall back asleep. Most of the time, I stay up, not willing to chance another shudder-inducing riot of fear and pain.

My room in the Coven, once so gorgeous and opulent, has been patched up with plywood and thick rugs to muffle the sounds of my screams from the others in the compound. After the first night of night terrors, and the way I tore up the room, it was decided that I would see Doc Blythe for sedatives. They didn’t help. Doc speculated that the medicine burns out of my system too fast to do more than make me drowsy now that my body’s been acclimated to the new hybrid state.

Vamps don’t sleep. Not unless they really want to. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like I was disturbing the whole compound after the first week of me waking up screaming… And short from going back to sleeping at the house with Mom as my roommate, I have to deal with the situation here. In a way, I’m kind of glad I’m out here rather than scaring the shit out of Mom every night. She was looking so tired last time I saw her. She doesn’t need to be fussing over me or having me wake her up with my screams. Hence the attempt at sound-proofing the room I have at the Coven.

October flies by with all that filling just about every hour of my days. I wake up from nightmares, drink copious amounts of coffee and blood, go to school, study until my eyes blur, eat, study more, go to the Coven, read reports until I can’t stand to read another line, go to sleep and repeat.
Really, the only relief I get are the few minutes Blue mentally soothes me when I wake, and the seconds where I’m falling asleep.

Nikki’s not the only one who’s MIA, Hale and Mikyle have yet to send me any reassuring reports or smoke signals to let me know they’re alright - though Zoe tries to reassure me that at the very least, my father’s been sending her telepathic messages. I’ve pretty much stopped trying to eat anything solid out of fear the stuff with make me feel even more nauseas than I already do. Blood’s been keeping me on my feet - and coffee - but even Darine notices the cloud of lethargy clinging to me the day before Halloween and makes sure to spend the whole night in with me. It’s the first non-school related or apocalypse-related thing I do in months.

Darine kicks off the night by covertly sneaking me into her room via the darkened back door, explaining that human children will be running to any light like moths to flames in search of candy. I laugh at her description of ‘normal’ human Halloween, fully aware of how the holiday goes, but don’t interrupt her. We spend the rest of the night in her room, binging on the worst horror movies of all time while eating popcorn and candy. She doesn’t bring up anything school or Azure related the whole night.

We stay up so late the sun’s rising before we even realize it. Darine and I walk to school with ridiculously large thermoses of caffeinated beverages - coffee for me and green tea for Darine. Though we’re both properly zombified from staying up the whole night, I’m in such a good and relaxed mood that I’m not as exhausted as I thought I’d be. Even through the entirety of the morning’s lectures, I’m able to focus and stay awake. The much-needed relief of a night of normalcy seeming to soothe my nerves enough that I’m even able to eat most of the school-prepared lunch along with my usual thermos of chilled blood.

All through the afternoon portion of the prep, my thoughts begin to drift and I recall everything - humanoid - I still have to get done. Including finishing my essays for the college application. I still haven’t mentioned to anyone that I’ve made up my mind on where I plan on going for my next level of education. Something tells me if the news gets back to my mate that I haven’t chosen the closest college to be attending for the next four years, he’d be more than pissed. It’s not like he’s my keeper, but I probably should have discussed it with him since we’re bonded. The likelihood of us being mated before I finish college is a constant hum in the back of my mind that’s kept me from facing that particular part of my plans for the future.

I’m running out of things to do on my ‘productive procrastination’ list before I have to have *the talk* with Blue. I can feel it coming on, like storm clouds on the horizon, silently moving towards me. I have to keep reminding myself that what’s between us is more important that my fears and when it comes time to talk, we’ll talk… Just not right now. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the procrastination book, I know, but it’s one of the few things keeping me sane. That and the normalcy of semi-human life.

The balancing act I’ve managed to achieve is remarkably similar to a juggler on a tight rope, suspended over a pit of vipers. The kind with no safety net waiting to catch me. One misstep could have me falling to my death, but the ease of my concentration on the balls I’m juggling and the practice of my steady footsteps is keeping me on course. Even if I do falter a few times on my way to the other side, I know I’ll get there if I just focus on what I can, not minding the pit below and keeping my eyes focused on the balls as they rotate high above me…

But like with any circus act, there’s always the unexpected twist only the audience seems to notice. The thing hurtling towards me as I try to stay focused. The thing that could make or break me. I can feel the happy bubble of security around me ripple with the sixth sense warning… I can almost feel it coming, but something else tells me even I won’t really see it coming. It’s the unexpected after all. And just like last year’s crazy, I know I’m not alone in facing it - whatever it is. I’ve got Blue and Mom, the Azures - even though we seem to be going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment - and the Reiniers at by back. And even though Hale’s not always physically around, I know I have the power of the Coven behind me, too.

Whatever’s on the horizon, I know I can face it head on and get past it. Weather out the storm. Keep balancing on the tight rope. Fight to hold onto my life and future. They’re the things that keep me going, keeping me focused on my current path and moving with purpose towards the end - whatever it may be. Whenever it may be.