17 | EVEN IF THE WORLD BURNS...

With two more people added to my mental roster of allies-to-stop-the-apocalypse, I’m feeling a lot better as I make my way home. I take my time in walking back to Kiwina, letting the slowly darkening sky turn the afternoon sun into a warm glow around the tree tops as the light filters down. Birds are singing high in their trees, the gentle songs accompanied by the familiar symphony of other woodland creatures going about their lives, filling me with a deeper sense of peace.

It severely pisses me off when it all comes to an end the second I sense - and see - who’s waiting for me in my back yard. Leaning against the side of the greenhouse in a slightly rumpled black t-shirt and dark wash jeans, his silvery-grey eyes are burning bright in the failing light. Trained directly on me as I approach and filled with so many emotions, I can’t pin them all down.

“Where have you been the last few days and why were you in Reinier territory?” Blue asks me, his voice strained and tight. I can’t tell if he’s more angry or worried. But I know exactly what *I’m* feeling. So I get right up in his face, letting the fire of my anger fuel me as I stalk towards him.

“Just the person I wanted to see.” I say to Blue, and he blinks in confusion, some of the swirling, warring emotions in his eyes dying. My skin prickles with the close proximity to my mate, the longing ache to be near him - touching him - is almost as strong as my rage. Almost. Instead, I do the stupid and overly-emotional thing and shove him in the chest with all my strength.

“What the-” Blue doesn’t even have time to stop himself from pinwheeling backwards and ultimately falling to the ground with a jarring *thunk*. But he’s up in less than a second, his form blurring as his own anger rises to greet mine.

“You asshole!” I cut him off, letting all my pent-up anger out in those two words. My throat aches as I scream at him, but I can’t keep it bottled up any more. I’m sick and tired of it all. All *his* shit and all *this* shit and the combined shit-storm we’ve created. I’m over it all. And now I’m just plain pissed. “How could you not tell me?” Blue’s mouth opens, a confused expression drying up the anger in his eyes before realization seems to dawn on him. “Well? What do you have to say for yourself?” I wave my hands wildly at him, unable to control their movements even if I tried. My blood’s pulsing all through my body in a heated mess, pounding in me with the crashing drum of my heart as it races with my rage. “*Say* something!”

“She wasn’t supposed to involve you.” Blue sighs defeatedly, eyeing me warily. I growl at him, advancing slowly, and getting right in his face again. It seems to be the only way he listens these days.

“She had to since you didn’t say so much as a word to me about it. It’s the fucking apocalypse, Blue! The *apocalypse*! Why didn’t you tell me?” I’ve got my fists around bunches of his shirt before I can stop myself, gripping them tightly and shaking him by them. Blue doesn’t move to touch me or stop me in anyway as the material stretches under my hands. He only looks into my eyes with a sad and tired expression slowly filling his face.

“It wasn’t a day after the battle that she contacted me.” Blue tells me in that same cool voice, and despite myself it soothes the sharpest edges of my anger. “I didn’t want to involve you in it so soon, tell you it caused an even bigger problem we’d have to face. At first I just wanted to give you a break, Red,” He explains.

“Almost eight months, Blue. You had eight months to break the news to me.” I remind him. One week or a months, I could understand his reasoning for keeping this from me - but *eight*?

“You’re right. It was my excuse to keep you out of it for the first few months. But then the more I thought about it, involving you in something that damn-near killed you last time-” His voice gets rough towards the end of the sentence, the grit reminding me of the night my grandmother died. The night I’m pretty sure I almost went into the light myself. “I just couldn’t.”

“I’m a big girl. I would have handled it.” I argue, but - if I really think about it - I’m not sure I could have even if I wanted to. *Would I have been able to take something on? Something as huge as the end of the world? Mentally? Emotionally?* “*We* could have handled it!” I amend. And that, I do believe.

“Like we did last time?” Blue reminds me dryly, gritting his teeth and looking impatient and uncomfortable as he rakes his hands through his hair. “Like that didn’t cause the shit-storm we’ve made?” We handled the last thing - eventually. With help. But that’s exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing now. I’m asking for help from those I know I can trust.

“Are with *her* then? You’d rather have everyone who survived *die*?” I accuse him, incredulous my mate would even consider one of the people we care about to die. His silvery-grey eyes widen.

“No, of course not!” Blue’s face twists in rage and a matching incredulity. “How could you even *ask* me that?” I grit my teeth against the wave of guilt at hits me at his words. “You know me, Red.” He breathes gently, searching my eyes as he fights to control the look of hurt in his own.

“You know, maybe I don’t.” I say softly, more to myself than anything, but it’s true. “We still barely know each other, Blue.” I remind him, wrapping my arms tight around myself, trying to ignore the spikes of disloyalty and pain stabbing into my chest.

“We have time to remedy that.” Blue grumbles, his shoulders shoved forward and a sulky hunch to his back. “I’m not gonna apologize for doing what I thought was right, Red.” He adds after a beat, turning his head to stare at the tree line as he takes a few measured breaths. “I haven’t just been ignoring her warning.”

“So, what?” I snap at him, fully annoyed again. “Your plan to go it alone bit you in the ass too, huh?”

“And then some,” Blue sighs out and runs his hands over his face before turning to look me in the eyes. “You’re not planning on running again, are you?” His sudden question sends fresh prickles along my skin - and not the nice kind. I fight back the urge to shower his question with a response that would make a sailor blush.

“No. I’ve been busy.” I grit out, knowing he’s got a reason to think maybe I was running after disappearing these last few days. I did last year - out of a misguided sense I was doing the right thing. But I’m not the same runner I was. I’m not leaving this alone without a fight. However I can fight. “Vamp business called me away, and after the Ancient, I wanted to see people who didn’t *keep* shit from me.” I shoot back at Blue. My words make him flinch. I half-expect a sense of triumph to fill me, but all I feel is shame over poking at him when he’s down.

There’s a tense moment when I feel like he’s about to bolt into the woods and leave me here alone. But he doesn’t. He’s more of a fighter than I am. But this is some heavy stuff we’re dealing with. Not just my life, but the lives of all things on the Earth. We don’t have the luxury of screwing up. Not this time.

“Even if the whole fucking world was burning,” Blue growls after a second, disturbing the silence. “I’d still try to save you first.” It both soothes and aggravates me, how very earnest his words are - and their meaning. My heart’s picked up it’s running-beat, fueled by my rising anger.

“Well, maybe that’s the problem!” I hiss at him, throwing my hands up in exasperation. Blue glowers at me, breathing as hard as I am, and not backing down. And then the real question bursts from my mouth. “Was it worth it?” He frowns at me, his jaw working as he accesses my question. “Screwing the world over just so I’d live. So we’d all live?” He knows the one’s I mean, the ones who should have died if the natural order had been followed.

“Yes.” Blue answers almost immediately. His answer was as I’d expected. Three letters that spell out the reasons why he’s not part of the people I’m trusting to fix this mess. Who knows what will stop the apocalypse - to right the wrongs. I just know, if given the chance, Blue won’t do what needs to be done. Not if it comes down to it. I take a deep breath, trying to gain strength for my next words.

“I’m not doing this alone, Blue, and I’m not gonna ask for your help. Just know if you mess up any of our plans, mate or not…” My throat closes as the traitorous words dare to push past my lips. Blue says nothing, his jaw set, entire body tense as he gives me a stiff nod and vanishes. My heart aches and burns as my warning fills the space he’s left behind.

I give myself until the count of three before forcing my feet in the direction of the house. Despite the mounting twisting of my heart, I know there’s nothing I can do to dispel it. Not now.

I have work to do.