100 | ON THE EDGE

Getting back to what passes as a ‘normal’ schedule these days, is easier than I thought. School’s a hell of a lot easier than it had been last semester. Now that pretty much everyone has turned in their college applications and the gradebook has been submitted, most of the teachers have taken to accepting the general ‘senioritis’ that clings to my class. Everyone is calm and relaxed in each of my classes, their easy smiles and unrepentant attitudes should be infectious.

But they aren’t. Despite knowing ‘school’ right now should be more like an R&R eight hours that keep me away from the claustrophobia-inducing haze of responsibility that has become my life, I’m on edge.

My wolves are back in Berner territory, but I can still hear their mental voices in the back of my head. The constant hum is nice, soothing, even, but now that ‘normal’ life has resumed, I can also sense how tense the Pack’s getting. I can feel their fear that I’ll abandon them at any second in favor of my old life, and it keeps my own wolf close to the surface. That, in tern, forces the vamp in me to run high. The combination is normally fine, when I’m not surrounded by a bunch of hormonal teens in a too-loud school, with most of them looking like delicious snacks.

Blue sits close to me in all my classes, helping at least part of me relax, but it also makes the vamp in me want to bite into him. Day one back at school comes an goes blessedly quickly, but day two has me teetering on the edge of insanity. By the end of the week, I’m flinching at the sight of my own shadow and cursing under my breath whenever someone sneaks up on me. Even when that ‘someone’ is my mate.

“Okay,” Blue sighs, taking my coffee mug from me, even as the hot liquid sloshes from the sides. “I’m switching you to decaf until you’re less wired.” He tells me, dumping the wonderful, caffeinated goodness down the drain. I growl at him in annoyance, already making a few plans on how to sneak a cup - completely forgetting - once again - that he can literally hear me plotting. Blue chuckles and leans against the counter. “It’s five in the afternoon, Red. Maybe you should just have the one cup in the morning.”

“You’re insane.” I reply to his suggestion, wrinkling my nose and ducking my head to skim over the fresh stack of reports Zoe had dropped off thirty minutes ago.

“Do you ever think you’re maybe stretching yourself a little thin?” Blue asks, and I pointedly ignore him as he comes around the counter to stand behind me. His pine-and-parchment scent fills my nose as he leans into me, one hand sweeping aside my loose curls from my neck, the other wrapping around my waist. “I think you need a little break.” He adds into my ear, his voice dropping into a deeper, more seductive tone that makes me shiver. My heart jolts from the pleasant pounding from the caffeine buzz into a full-out sprint.

“If you keep teasing me, I’m going to hurt you.” I warn, but the threat’s empty and we both know it.

“You need to work off some steam,” Blue mutters against my jaw, pressing a light trail of kisses to my neck, slowly but surely distracting me. I suck in a deep breath, almost immediately regretting it as his scent only increases the need pulsing through me.

“Unless you’re suggesting we go to the bedroom to ‘work off’ the tension, I suggest you think very carefully about your next move.” I warn him as my voice goes a little breathy. His mouth’s less than an inch from my mark, and I’m wound up tight enough to jump him here and now. Blue pauses, his whole body tensing at both the challenge and want in my tone. And just like I knew he would, he pulls away and looks into my eyes.

His eyes have gone liquid silver, the darker flecks hanging thickly towards his pupils and making them look even larger than they currently are. I quirk an eyebrow at him, waiting for his response, even as I itch to touch him. We’re both breathing a little irregularly, the wolf parts of us riding close to the surface. In the reflection of his eyes, I can see my own irises glowing slightly. The blue and green separate in my eyes, but both burning as brightly as his. Blue leans in so our lips brush lightly, but then, just as my lips part to breathe him in, he pulls back and smirks at me.

“Nice try,” Blue grins at me, the monochromatic dance of silvery and grey has returned into the proper proportions in his eyes. I growl at him, narrowing my eyes as I glare at him. “I think meditation would help.” I stare at him for a long moment, not sure if I heard him right.

“Meditation?” I ask him skeptically, leaning so my side’s pressed into the counter. One of the still-healing burns presses into the surface under my shirt, but I ignore the little zap of pain that zings through my side.

“I can feel your Pack’s thoughts against my conciousness.” Blue taps his right temple, eyes dancing on that fine line between worry and anger. “You need to learn to keep them in there, but also at a distance, or you’ll go crazy.” I chew on his words for a few minutes, turning my attention inward as I skim over the surface of the Pack bond that connects me to my wolves. My very high-strung, bitten-Wolven who’re more than a few miles away at the moment.

“Hm,” I hum, working my jaw to ease the slight ache starting up in my brain. It doesn’t help, of course, but I tend to feel better if I’m moving. The headaches ebb and flow depending on my Pack’s overall mood, it seems. And since we’re getting close to the next full moon, I can feel their collective mood getting closer to the ‘loss of control’ end of the spectrum. A few more days and Khadija and Lee will lock them all up in their basement for the three days around the full moon.

“It may also help focus you a little more.” Blue murmurs, eyes searching mine until I turn my focus back on him. I take a deep breath, inhaling his scent and holding it in my lungs an extra beat before breathing back out and rolling my eyes.

“Fine.” I mutter, twisting on the stool to face him completely. “How do you suggest I ‘meditate’?” I never really had an issue over controlling my wolf, not like that. I know a lot of the bitten-Wolven tend to use the technique to focus their minds and bring on balance within them, but I never had to resort to that. I would just go out for hunt to center myself and my wolf. But even running and hunting aren’t doing it for me these days. And I know Blue can sense that.

“Close your eyes,” Blue instructs, lowering his voice to a more modulated murmur. I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously and he smirks. “Just do it,” He coaxes softly, resting his hands over mine and bringing them to rest on my knees between us. I sigh and roll my eyes, but let my eyelids flutter shut. “Now think of some place you feel calm. Picture it clearly in your mind and let yourself drift.” He hums softly, soothingly, and I do as he says. My ‘happy place’ takes a few minutes to think about.

At first, I picture the woods, the place I tend to feel the most alert in…but then memories of my tenth birthday rear up and destroy any sense of peace from that place. Next, I think of the Coven, another place that inspired a feeling of control…but then Mikyle nearly attacked me there and the Revenant had showed up there pretty recently…so, no. Another obvious option is the bedroom Blue and I now share…of course, life’s kind of ruined that for me as well…seeing as I’ve woken up in there one-too-many times after being injured. School’s out. And so’s any place attached to my more recent memories.

Eventually, I settle into a sort of empty space, a place of my own mental creation. A large room that looks a lot like the Coven library, but Blue’s there instead of any one else. We sit at the tables, researching. Peace settles through me, calming and gently easing everything else from my mind. The place is part memory and part imagination, but wholly feasible and utterly relaxing. Just a small moment of time.

“Good,” The imagination-Blue suddenly says, looking up from his book to glance at me. “Now sit and relax a bit.” He nods to the chair across from his before turning his attention back to whatever ancient tome he’s reading. I know almost immediately that we’re sharing this imaginary space in my mind and feel the last of my tension fall from me as I take the offered seat.

It’s hard to stay in this headspace for too long, but for at least thirty minutes, we pour over the books we’ve already read in real life. When I can’t stand to stay so still any longer, I mentally close up the space and return to the present world. It was more like an exercise of imagination than real meditation, but I can’t deny I feel a lot calmer now. Blue smiles at me, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead before letting me know he’s got some Pack business to deal with before dinner.

I nod, letting myself return to reading through the Coven’s reports on Western activity and sifting through the stack of reports. I don’t get tired or frustrated after reading through the dry information and even manage to get through a conversation with Ryker and Mina before Blue returns a few hours later. I don’t freak out or lose my temper, I don’t tense up when they admit that they haven’t seen the Revenant near Colton or freak out when they admit that there have been signs that the Revenant has created a small nest on the northern edges of Colton.

I feel my emotion rise up in their usual tangle, of course, but they don’t overwhelm me or force me into pacing as they normally do. I stay calm. I remain in control. I breathe. I think. And then, while Blue makes us both a protein-packed dinner, I start to plan.