Chapter 18: Are You Going?

"Solene, are you joining the tour?" Iris, one of my classmates, sat at the chair beside me. It's our vacant time because one of our professors called in sick amd the school wasn't able to hire a substitute professor because of the short notice.

"I don't know yet." I smiled awkwardly as I glanced at her before having my attention at the opened notebook lying on my table.

It didn't take long before Jam, Sophia, and Grace came to us to ask me the same question. We were classmates and friends during highschool but I rarely hang out with them when we reached college. I always tend to go home early, right after my class ends. I also prefer going with Lillian during a few times where our vacant schedule matches. But despite the circumstances, these four still considers me as their close friend.

"Why aren't you sure?" Jam pulled out the chair on my other side and sat there.

"Yeah, this tour will sure be fun!" Sophia convinced me.

"You always only think about the fun." Grace clicked her tongue at Sophia and the latter sneered at the other.

"Anyone who comes in this tour will have additional points added in their final marks. This will also be a great opportunity for us, architecture students to discover and see the beauty of our country's architecture." Iris repeated the words that our professor said earlier while telling us the importance of this tour.

I actually haven't made up my mind yet. I'm pretty sure I won't be the only one not going if I decide not to because the money that will be needed in this tour us surely a lot, and I know most of us can't afford it. I can get money from my saved money but I don't want to withdraw from it especially now that Fire no longer supports me financially.

It's been two weeks since we met at the mall and had a big fight at the parking lot. I've waited to hear from his since then but I received nothing. I waited and waited until I stopped. If he'll reach out, then he will. The money I put in my savings account is for emergency purposes only: if I suddenly get sick and if Fire suddenly breaks the contract. It will serve as my lifeline to start anew. There's still no news from the shops I applied at for a part-time job so I can't really decide if I should go for the tour or not.

"I'm still looking at my budget." I said to them, their eyes all on me.

"You just need to pay the fee for the tour and bring a little pocket money, we already booked and paid for the hotel we are going to stay at so don't worry about the place." Jam beamed.

I glanced at them one by one and in their eyes I saw the expression telling me that what Jam said was true. I looked down embarrassed.

"Thank you guys. I really mean it." I sincerely looked at the four girls. "I'l let you know as soon as possible if I can come with you." They all nodded almost synchronous ro each other. They were about to open more stories to me when our next subject professor walked though the door and made her way to the podium at the center in front. The four went back to their respective seats. I cleared my desk and focused my attention solely on the lesson.

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"It was really annoying to revise everything just because . . ." Lillian's words drowned in my ears as my thoughts wandered while I'm sitting across from her inside a café we always go to.

She called me right after my last class finished and invited me to have some snacks before going home. We were supposed to meet tomorrow, Saturday, it's our schedule of meeting each other when were not busy with schoolworks.

Across from me, I could see her talk about a professor who got on her nerves for making her revise her entire paper just because of a mistake she made on one of its paragraphs. I see every twitching and displeased curving of her mouth as she talks about her professor. But I couldn't make out the words coming out of her lips. I'm too tired to process everything that she's saying nor cheer her up and give her some words of support to finish her paper. I placed my right hand above my abdomen as the lingering discomfort there started to grow. I grabbed my cup of tea and took a sip of the warm drink. I haven't touched the croissant I ordered while Lillian has almost finished her already.

I massaged my forehead. "Solene . . ."

Lillian's worried face was the first thing I saw when I looked up. "Are you feeling alright?" Her eyebrows creased as her hand reached my forehead, checking if I have a fever.

"Don't worry, I'm just tired. I'll take a good amount of rest and sleep after I get home." I smiled tiredly at her.

She jerked back her hand. "Do you really think I won't know that Fire plays a big part of your current state right now?" She arched her brows.

I sighed. Nothing really escapes her.

I was already telling Lillian everything that happened between me and Fire last two weeks before I knew it. The rain poured outside, so as the emotions that has settled deep inside me for God knows how long it's been there. But I know fo sure that I didn't cry. My eyes were dry the whole time. Even though I was telling her the most painful things I felt and experienced. Until I told Lillian the truth that me and Fire are over with whate kind of relationship we had in the past.

"Don't worry."She reached for my hand resting above the table. "Everything will be fine. I'm with you, remember that." And I saw that gentle smile she always gives me everytime things are awry.

"Thank you, Lillian." Was all I could say despite the overwhelming warmth growing in my chest after finding comfort and relief from her words.