Chapter 38

It was a guy named Ricky that brought them back home, after he had said that Captain Alkali had a few things to take care of at the airport and he would clearly be busy from now, due to the short break he had taken. It wasn"t like she minded, the less of him that she saw, the better it would be for the two of them. At least until she figured what to do with her life now.
She took a small tour around the apartment and loved what she had seen, it was just so beautiful not to be loved. But the moment Nadia remembered that she wasn"t going to be staying here more than two weeks, she felt a stab of pain, reason unknown to her. She bathed Baby H and fed him before she did to herself and decided to call her family back home, even though she knew there was a time difference between them, she didn"t bother. Wasn"t Mama the one that forced her to be here now?
She did, and they seemed glad that they were fine and have arrived safely. From the way Mama was sounding, Nadia had noticed some uneasiness about her but she knew if Mama had wanted to speak about it, she would. She went to sleep almost immediately after she was done talking to Hajia and Social, feeling so much guilty to the fact that she wasn"t married to Hussain now and Hajia didn"t even know. But how could she? She was still wrapping her head around what had happened herself.
For the next two weeks, Nadia could count the times she had seen him on one hand and some fingers could still be left. He had been so busy that he flew from one country to the other without having much time to himself. Somedays, she heard his tired footsteps in the living room after midnight, when he had came back to spend just the night at home and before she was awake in the morning, he was gone. And there were days that she didn't hear it at all, and she was fine with that. Or so she told herself.
But it had been three days since he had last been home and she was beginning to worry. And even though Ricky came to check in on them, sent by him obviously, Nadia felt the urge to know that he was at least alive. Funny enough, she would"ve been the first to know if he was dead, right?
And tonight too, she slept after waiting too long to hear the sound of the door being unlocked and his tired footsteps dragged around the living room until they disappeared at his room, but she didn't. And that had quite touched her heart. She needed to see him, she thought. Not for anything though, to talk to him about her going back home, that's all. Tomorrow, if Ricky came, she"d ask him to call him for her.
•
Hussain sighed when he saw the apartment looming before him, finally, after five agonizing days, he"d be home. Even though the idea of coming home hadn't pleased him, it was still home and Nadia lived in it. He may not have seen her as much as he should, but he knew she was there and that enough was calming to his heart. He unlocked the door, and like the days he was able to come back, he saw all the lights had been turned off except there was light coming from her bedroom today, hadn't she been asleep?
He wanted to go in and talk to her, or maybe just find an excuse to see her and leave, but his mind told him that he had the whole weekend for that, and he knew that seeing him wouldn"t so much please Nadia at the moment. He still hadn"t forgotten all that he had done. Just because he had practically lived in the clouds for the past five days didn't mean that it had been erased, it was there, his mistake, slapping back at him at any chance given.
He went to his room and took a quick shower while he prayed that she had left something for him. He was starving, and like those few nights he was back, he had never found something left for him and he wondered the guts that told him he deserved it after five days of his total absence. But, he still went to the kitchen and wasn"t so much hurt when there was no sign of food left, and in the fridge, there wasn't even the junk she used to keep. No ice cream either. Had she been starving herself or what?
He walked back to the living room and turned on the dim light, looking for the restaurants numbers to call and see if it could be delivered to him even though it had already been two hours past midnight. He put the phone on speaker, feeling too lazy to hold it with his hand as he slumped on one of the sofas.
As she heard, all the restaurants had closed for delivery. Some were even closed for the whole day and didn"t pick. She heard as he called someone named Raymond, and from their conversation, Nadia knew that he was their neighbor.
"Ray, are you back home?" Hussain asked, hopefully.
"No, man. You know it"s Friday tonight and I'm at the club." He spoke in a high tone so that Hussain would be able to hear him.
"Do you have some leftovers in your fridge? I'm starving and all the restaurants couldn"t deliver."
"Oh, sorry, man..." She didn"t have to wait to hear the rest of the conversation to know what Ray would have to say. It was obvious that Hussain was starving to death as he said and there was no help coming, unless she was willing to save him.
She rolled her eyes at herself, but even before she got the chance to reprimand herself for having such thoughts, she found herself walking out of the room and he instantly turned to look at her. But she didn"t flash him a stare, she went directly to the kitchen, feeling torn at the look she saw on his face after she had stolen a glance at him. Okay, maybe not just a glance, but two.
The only thing she could think of was a pancake and a smoothie, and it took her less than an hour to make, while she heard the sound the tv was matching as he watched the re-play of the football match. She had set everything on a tray and was about to leave to the living room, unbeknownst to his presence in the kitchen, when she felt his breath beside her and she quickly moved away at how close they were.
They should know where the line stopped between them, they weren"t husband and wife anymore, she had to put that at the back of her mind. She took another steps backwards until there was a safe distance between them and she managed to look up into his eyes.
"You"re hungry," she began, almost smacking herself at how stupid she sounded. Wasn"t she supposed to ignore him? She was, right? "Take this." She said and tried to maneuver beside him to leave but he blocked her way.
"Can you please stay for a while? I need to speak to you." The heated look she had flashed him was enough to tell him that just because she had come to his aid didn"t mean that she had forgotten what had happened between them, nor did he. She still hated him for all he did. "No," he shook his head slightly, "I need a hug, Singleton, it"s been chaotic in my soul for a long time."
She shot him a look that tore at his heart even more. She looked disgusted of him, but what would he do? It felt like if he didn"t get the hug he had been wanting for so long, he might crumble right in front of her now. This gesture of her cooking for him, something he had never imagined even in his wildest dreams was something that if he dwelled about it now, he might even make an even greater mistake. So, he simply stuck to what he had always felt.
"It"s like you"ve forgotten our positions now, right? Let me remind you, we"re divorced. And by next week, after all the preparations is done, I'll be flying back to Nigeria and there would be no reason for us to meet again." She knew she should leave now, he had no nerve to stop her when she did that. But somehow, Nadia found herself stuck to her spot as she looked up into those eyes that obviously held too much pain than she had ever seen in them.
And there was something she had never seen. Maybe once, in the plane when he wanted to show her the sunrise from a pilot"s eyes. And while she saw it now, it felt as though for all the times she had known him, he had been trying so hard to hide that away from her and couldn"t do that any longer.
"But we all know I can take you back, right?" That was what he said and it struck a thunder to her soul. She began to shook her head.
"You can, but you"d be damned if you do because by Allah, I'll go to any length to make sure our marriage is dissolved for good." She glared at him and walked away. But she hadn"t even reached the kitchen door when she felt his hand on her shoulder as he slightly turned her to face him and in a second, she was in his embrace.
He sighed when he felt himself against her body, the warmth that was seeping from her was so soothing that Hussain cursed at himself for not getting this hug for a long time. It had been one hell of a ride, he didn"t even know how he was still standing. She struggled to get out of his hold but he only held her tighter and rested his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes.
"Please, Nadia, I really need this hug." He said softly, with a voice that sounded so down and hurting that she didn"t have a the heart in her to not just give him a hug when she needed one, too, herself.
Reluctantly, Nadia hugged him back and slightly fluttered her eyes shut. And she could swear for the short moment they stayed like that, she felt a tear rolled down on her back and even though he may not admit it, but he cried. And she felt the walls around her heart shattering as she pulled him gently away. But he was smiling softly when she looked at his face, a brave soul that he is.
"Thank you," he said, releasing his hold on her and taking two steps back. And that was a painful reminder to their positions in life. "For the food, you"ve saved my stomach." She could only nod her head, because the thought of Hussain crying on her shoulder had fazed her, she could still feel the dampness of that lone tear. "And for the hug, it has saved my soul, Singleton."
"Don"t call me that," she said grimly and walked back to her room, never turning back to stare at back at him. Because she could feel his gaze on her until her room"s door blocked him her vision and she slid down to the floor, resting her head on the doorframe. What kind of life are they living? What is this that she was feeling in her heart? Yes, she knew it was only natural to even feel the slightest bit of affection for Hussain, seeing that she still immensely love him brother and he didn"t look any different from him. But this, it wasn"t something she had ever felt for Hassan. This was new, and it felt like a sacred feeling meant just for Hussain in her heart.