Chapter 45

She had stayed up late, in hopes that he would show up that night, but he didn't. And Nadia being as stubborn as she was, had it in mind that she would never sleep until he came over and she apologized to him. Sleepily, she slumped on the sofa, because she had now gotten tired of waiting for him in her room and she knew it would be easier to know that he was back if she stayed in the living room.
But what would she say to him? She thought, stifling a yawn. Because no matter how sleepy she may be, she wasn"t going to sleep, ever. Not until she spoke with him, and what she would say was still unknown to her. She was even embarrassed at herself, how could she do that? She knew that it was her mind automatically thinking that it was Hassan, for he had been the only one that had ever touched her in all the places Hussain did, her heart included, but she shouldn"t have hurt him this way.
It was way past three in the morning and she was so sleepy when she heard the door being turned and she instantly jolted awake. She waited, sitting patiently on the sofa until he walked inside, his head hung low as he sighed softly. She stood up, and it seemed he hadn"t noticed that she was in the living room at first, until she made that movement.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn"t you be..."his eyes wandered from her face that scream of sleep deprivation to her room, "Shouldn"t you be in bed now?"
She walked towards him, "I need to talk to you, Hussain..." She began, taking a hold of his hand, even though tentatively. He stared at her mouth agape, as though that was a gesture he had never expected from her.
He was silent as she pulled him and made them sit on a sofa, she looked remorseful that he wondered what was wrong. Didn"t she spent her entire day trying to avoid him? Even though it wan"t like he had made an effort to see her and they all had been avoiding each other, but this was surprising, if truth were to be told.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, and he stared at her face with a soft look she had never been looked at with. She closed her eyes and decided she would blurt out the words at once, if not, she may never get the chance to say them, ever. "I just recalled what had happened and the reason why you acted the way you did." She took a breath and released his hand, palming her face.
"I"m not saying this to justify my action, no. I don"t even know what to say other than I'm ashamed of myself for doing that, but wallahi I didn"t know I did that until I was remembering everything that had happened and the words just echoed into me." She opened her eyes and tears were already glistening them, "I didn"t mean to hurt you that way, Hussain. Please?"
He was just staring at how she had worn her heart in her eyes for him to see and he had never imagined that he would get such a sincere apology from her. Which, if he was going to be a bit truthful, made him feel a lot worse than what he was actually feeling. "Why are you apologizing?" He managed to say, even though his heart was in shambles. He didn"t want the feelings he had dealt with yesterday to be back today, it wasn"t every day that he woke up and boom! A strong Hussain Alkali was in his soul.
She wiped at her tears and hardened her expression, it was going to be hard to do, but she was going to do it anyways. "I called his name when I was together with you. And I'm sure that would hurt as hell..." He tried to cut her off, but she immediately shook her head and continued. "You don"t have to lie and say that it didn"t hurt you, because you"re human, Hussain, I'm certain it"s going to be. And after that, you"d hate yourself for being jealous over your other half, am I right?" She stared right into his eyes and no matter how much he wanted to hide what he was feeling to her, he just couldn"t.
She took his hands again and squeezed them lightly. "You aren"t a bad person for being jealous, Hussain. That only proves you"re human and whoever gets into your situation would surely feel that way. That"s the reason you"ve cried so hard in the bathroom, I've heard you, but I was just so embarrassed about how you abruptly took off to ask what was wrong. Even though to be honest, I thought that maybe it"s related to him. Maybe you felt guilt-stricken and felt that you couldn"t go further with me."
"For a split second, you might even feel that you deserve me now because of how you had sacrificed me when you thought you'd never get me back. And that mere thought may make you want to kill yourself because you can"t believe you"ve harbored such thoughts about your twin brother. But, really, Hussain, it"s fine."
At this rate, he was silently crying while he stared at her. How did she always know the right words to say and at the right time? "It"s fine, okay? We all know you could sacrifice your life for him, he knows that too. And when you realized I was his girlfriend, we know that he would"ve sacrificed me for you, and deep down, you were afraid he"d give up on his happiness for yours, that"s why you"ve never told anyone I was that girl. Because can you believe it?" She chuckled sadly and her tears rushed down to her cheeks, "He has once told me about your lady and had made it mandatory upon himself to make sure he found out who she was and make sure you married her. It"s really beautiful how selflessly you love each other and are always willing to make sacrifices for each other."
"I feel horrible, Nadia." He confessed, breaking into tears. Sometimes, he wondered how his tears never seemed to seize whenever he was together with her. Whenever he felt the urge to cry, he had always found it easier to do so if she were together with him.
Nadia softly pulled him to her chest and placed his head on her bosom. She patted his head lovingly and felt the way he was agonizingly crying. "It feels like I've betrayed him, as if he were alive and I'm finding a way to be intimate with you behind his back. I don"t know if you get overwhelmed with guilt like I do, it"s suffocating."
She didn"t try to stop her tears, she let them fell as freely as they wanted and kept drawing soothing circles on his back. "That too, is natural, Hussain. I feel like that almost all the time, but I'm certain if Hassan would be able to send us a message, he would tell us to let go of all these feelings and be happy with each other. He"d be glad that we had each other to lean onto when things are tough, relieved that he hadn"t left his favorite humans all by themselves, we have each other."
"Still," he argued, lifting slightly to stare at her crying face, even though she was smiling amidst her tears.
"Do you know what?" She asked, softly breaking their hug, with her hands still on his shoulder and he shook his head. "Let"s consummate our marriage, tonight."
He gasped lightly and she took a hold of both his hands. She understood that this would be so hard on both of them. But emotionally, whenever it came to Hassan, she was the stronger one amidst the duo and she would be the first one to make the move, and she would definitely do it, so that she can help Hussain overcome what he was feeling and for them to pass this agonizing stage in their relationship.
"Nadia...the rule...we shouldn"t..." He knew he was just looking for excuses that will stop them from doing what she had so casually voiced out.
She smiled shyly, "That"s the only way to overcome this, if not, it will keep on haunting us. And no, that rule doesn"t apply anymore, if not for what I did yesterday, we would"ve done it, right?" He slowly nodded his head and she smiled at him. "That"s why I want us to do it, Hussain. Let"s keep aside everything and in our minds, we had never been inlaws, just lovers that had finally got bended by the scared link of marriage."
He was about to protest when she stood up and he did that too. His heart was pounding so hard. He wanted to do this, more than he had ever wanted to do anything in his life. But he was afraid, because he didn"t know if he would be able to handle what he would feel once they were done and he was back into his senses.
She took his hand and guided them to his room, he had noticed how shaky her hands were, but it was pretty obvious that she was trying to be strong for them. They stood by the bed and she turned the light off, smiling shakily. "It will be easier if I can"t clearly see your face, the bedside lamp will be enough." He began tongue tied, because of all the scenarios he had imagined of him being intimate with Nadia, he had never imagined that she would be the one to take the initiative.
"Nadia..."he whispered softly as he watched her tentative hands undoing the buttons of his shirt. "You don't have to do this if you don't want..."
She shot up a look at him, "If you can"t make it easier for me, don"t add to whatever it is I'm feeling, okay? We"re doing this, and definitely going to love it." She made an enthusiastic tone at the end that made him chuckle and she eased up a bit, "We"re both going to enjoy it, trust me."
It felt as though she had ordered for a toy that she could do whatever she liked to. He stayed whoever she wanted him to, and did whatever she wanted. Her touch was lethal, for it felt as though it burned into him whenever she touched his bare skin, all in an attempt to make sure the clothing covering his nudity were gone, and when she was done, he had to chuckle softly at the way she had her eyes clenched shut and took few steps behind.
"I want to look at you, will it be okay if I do?" She asked with a hoarse voice that did nothing to hide what she was feeling, and just the voice was enough to make his pulse beat in all the places that matter.
Under the dim light of the bedside lamp, Hussain could make out the way her heart was pounding against her chest and he softly whispered. "Is that what you want to do?"
"Yes," she replied and then shook her head. "No, it isn"t just what I want to do. I've been fantasizing about how you"d look...without any clothes, for god knows how long." She took in a deep breath, "But I'm nervous as hell."
He chuckled and when he took a step towards her, despite her eyes being covered by her palms, she stepped back a bit. "You undressed me, Nadia. Haven"t you seen everything to be this nervous?"
She shook her head, "I've only gawked at your chest. But when I was...never mind, I closed my eyes there."
"Open them now, then." His voice was deep but demanding, and softly, she found her eyelashes fluttering open until she laid them fully on his figure. As beautiful and erotic he looked, he was the perfect man she had ever seen in her life. And she had only seen two-she quickly push that thought aside and lazily smiled when her eyes got in contact with his erected length.
"Hussain..." She whispered ever so gently and stood rooted to her stop even when he took steps to reach her.
"Like what you see?" He breathed into her ear and she shivered softly before she nodded her head, closing her eyes dreamily. "Answer me, Nadia..."
"Yes, I like it..." She quickly shook her head, "I love it," she corrected and he chuckled seductively.
"Don"t you think it"s a bit unfair?"
"What?"
"You"re still in your pajamas. You should imagine how I've been dying to lay my hands on your for the past four years. And knowing today is the day I'll get my wishes fulfilled, I may be a bit rough, will you be fine?"
She looked up into his eyes that had turned bloodshot due to the desire that rapidly pulsed through his veins before she softly smiled, "I think it"s your turn now, fulfill whatever wish you"ve hidden and whatever desire that may have piled in you. I'm all yours, to love...and to make love to." She took a step towards him, which had gotten them only an inch apart and when Hussain held the hem of her nightgown, he took it down with only a swift of his hand and openly marveled at the stark figure of her.
Gently, he pulled her onto the bed and hovered over her, she could feel as his length grazed over her thighs and it felt as though a bonfire being lit. "Hussain," she moaned and he coalesced their lips in the most heated way she had ever being kissed in her life.
It was one thing to love a woman, Hussain thought, and an entire different thing to make love to the woman you"ve been in love with for so long that you"ve even given up on having her. He cried, and she comforted him with words and subtle touches that ignited a fire in him. He could feel his soul being complete when they had sealed their souls as one and she stared right into his eyes with the most magnificent smile she had ever shot his way.
He had always heard about heaven on earth, but had never experienced one until today. And when she pulled his head back to kiss him even more, he made sure she heard one among the thousand I love you, Nadia," that were trying to rustle out of his soul. And she replied him in the best way she though of, through her touches that sent him to a world full of bliss and ecstasy.