Chapter 72 What is wrong with me?

It's been just over a week since Lucas defeated his father, I understand he's going through alot right now, but I'm scared of being around him, I'm currently staying at Nikki's, Lucas has more or less shut everyone out, especially after most of his pack are defending me, I mean am I really the blame for all this, I didn't ask for all this to happen or even make it all happen, if anything I tried to stop this happening. I'm still left to do everything for the pack though, paperwork and everything else, makes me so angry, I do everything for everyone around here, the people I expect to least be appreciative turn out to the ones who admire me for what I do. I get questioned on how I cope with everything, truth is I don't know, I've been going to the gym more and more lately, I'm not eating so well either, everything is just turning me sick. ***"Amelia please tell me your going to eat some sort of meal today, you can't keep living off tea, coffee, chips and shakes, it ain't healthy girl" "maybe I'll try something later" "I hope so, I know your going through a hard time but please you need to keep yourself going too without you this pack wouldn't function and you know it. You are our Luna and our Alpha is asshole at the moment with his own demons" "I know, thank you Nikki, you've been there even when I haven't asked you to be" "thats what I'm for Amelia friends don't give up on eachother. I have work now but please eat something today, I'll order takeaway tonight if that's going to help you eat." "no worries I'll let you know in abit" "okay I have to go but please look after yourself today we are all worrying about you".***

I do paperwork for a while, I keep getting distracted by Nikki words, I know I need to take care of myself I just don't know how. I feel weak and tired but everything makes me feel sick. I get up to go make some tea and clear up the kitchen abit before getting back to work. The thought I still have quite abit to get through just makes me feel worse.

I head back to look over some new contracts that have been sent to me, making some phone calls inbetween trying to work out is there any other things that may need amending sorting out pack rota for staff, guards know there's no patterns or anything resembling time scales, everything at random so that bit is easy. Thoughts of Lucas still coming in and out it's hurting to stay away from him but I can't let him treat me like shit. I'm stronger and better than that, I have more respect for myself than that, even as much as it hurts and my heart aches for him, its not my fault, I tried everything for it not to come to this yet he still blames me, it's bad enough I do blame myself time to time but he's supposed to support me, instead he turns his back on me and abandons me. Sometimes I just think I'm better off leaving this place and starting fresh, but I have friends and family here for the first time in my life they made me feel like I belonged somewhere, plus it would probably kill me being away from Lucas anyway. Letting all my thought jumble around my head Tara trying to keep herself calm and collected, everytime Lucas comes to mind her anger strikes, not that I can blame her. I miss him.

**Amelia can you come by the clinic please? yes of course why? You may not have wanted to share your troubles with me but you have people concerned about you, now that's it's been brought to my attention I'd like to do a check up on you.** I let out a sigh I know Nikki is only doing this in my best interest. **Yes of course, when would you like me to pop over? I'm free now if you are. Yes no worries be there in 5. Great I'll have tea waiting for you.**

I head to the pack clinic, maybe Nikki was doing this in best interest but I'm sure she could have warned me. As I enter the front doors Nikki is waiting for me. ***"I'm sorry I'm just so worried about you" "it's okay, I appreciate it honestly" "your not mad at me?" "a tad but I'll get over it, I know why you did it, thank you"*** Nikki just wraps her arms around me, ***"I'm here if you need me okay"***

I head for Marks office, he pokes his head out, ***"just in time Amelia, please take a seat." "thanks Mark" "no worries need to keep in check with my favourite patient. So how's things?" " pretty rough I guess, me and Lucas haven't spoken really since our falling out, he continues to blame me, I mean I kinda blame me too sometimes" "Amelia none of this is your fault, remember that, Lucas is going through a testing time but that doesn't give him any right to treat you that way" "no that's why I decided to stay with Nikki" "I see, can you explain abit how your feeling?" "mood swings, weak and tired but not sleeping, I'm aching for Lucas but I can't just got running back with him hating me" "Rightly so darling, how about your abilities are they in check"  "not really, abit all over the place, but I haven't needed them recently" "I might contact Jordan and see what we can do, see if he can give up abit more understanding maybe he can give you some training too plus a little road trip wouldn't do any harm get you away for abit" "I guess so might help" "right can I take some bloods and your vitals please. I also want to examine you if you don't mind, I don't really want you losing the weight we fought hard to put on." "sure whatever you need to do"*** Mark continued to take take some bloods and sent someone to take them urgently. ***"They should be back by the time we finish up, I don't want you leaving until I know your blood levels. I'm prescribing some meds either way but I need to know safe doses, how's the eating and drinking?"*** asking politely as he takes my blood pressure and vitals, ***"not so good I guess, tea, coffee, water, shakes and potatoe chips" "no need for me to explain your treading on thin ice now is there"*** letting out a giggle I did too. ***"everything else seems to look good your weight actually stable which is good"*** I begin drinking my tea, blood results get handed to Mark ***"You need to see these"*** said the nurse. ***"What's wrong with me?"*** my voice shaky, there's something wrong, seriously wrong surely they shouldn't come back that quick. ***"Amelia there's nothing wrong, everything is doing amazingly well, congratulations Amelia your pregnant"***