Chapter 77 What have I done?

***"Ahhh Amelia you came, how nice to see you, How is my pup doing seen as I now have the pleasure of knowing after everyone else." "Pup is doing well I'll be having another scan soon if you would like to join?" "that would be great thank you" "So have you decided to come home yet or are we still having a tantrum?" "I'm still having a tantrum as you call it, when actually it's called being strong and true to myself." "You should be with me you know that I am the only person capable of protecting you and the pup" "no Lucas you wouldn’t be protecting me and the pup, you'd be putting me in a worse place than I am now, I'm in a better frame of mind without you at the moment, your treating me like a piece of shit on your shoe, I'm not standing for it"*** she snapped. ***"When your ready to give me my Lucas back maybe but I don't want a monster, this carrys on until then, I will find a way on my own marked or not"*** she added ***"Amelia can you not see how all this comes down to you, the threats and so forth come from you, I have to kill my father because he wouldn’t give me his title because I didn’t take his chosen mate seriously, I've lost my Ma, my friends don't want to know me and that's all because of you" "okay but it's also thanks to me this pack is still running, the reason you have your title, the reason you are stronger, faster and the reason for your abilities, I do everything in my power to take the strain off you, I tried to sort things out in a civilised manor but your father didn't understand that, you chose to challenge him I told you no more blood shed, you carried on anyway, I will give you a show of the memories played back if you want to see for youself." "No I remember clearly" "of course you do, you used to be an optamist, so caring always now I don't who or what you are other than a narcissistic asshole"*** I sat there while poured her heart out, tears and sobs coming from her. ***"Amelia please don't cry you know I can't watch you cry." "you caused this not me, I would have quite happily supported you but you don't even deserve that, you have caused me to become weak, you have made me feel worthless, just like everyone else has, seem nice at first then drop me like shit when I'm no longer needed, broken the promises you made in our vows did you forget those too, or was it all just an act and meaningless, perhaps I'm no Luna after all."*** Hearing Amelia sob and say those words broke me every ounce of my body was craving her but as it stands the only thing between us the pup it's almost like she hates me. ***"Amelia please, this is why everyone leaves you because you cause this drama everywhere you go."*** I blurted out without even thinking, but it was true, my Luna brings so much luggage it's hard to keep up with what's next, I wonder if she wasn't here would things have played out differently. ***"Amelia I think you should leave now. And stop your crying will you"***

Finishing up dinner I find myself struggling to stay awake, perhaps I'll just go to bed, I'll figure out the dishes tomorrow or get one of the omega's to come clean whichever I'm not doing them now. I lay on the bed trying to figure out why I'm so tired, I know I've consumed alot of information over the last few days, I have a pup on the way, I'm apparently hated by most of my pack and I'm alone. I find myself drifting away except it didnt feel like I was going to sleep. I've come to the same place as I found Ma last time. I begin shouting. ***"Stop shouting I can hear you loud and clear and have done for days but this is my last visit to you so pay attention." "Ma I'm so lost" "that is no excuse, I'm extremely disappointed in you. Firstly you are becoming everything you said you wouldn't I told you to kill your father and get on with your life instead you turn into the pig headed monster himself. Secondly how dare you treat your pack this way, you need them to have faith in you not hate you and too scared to come near you the only thing they have is Amelia and right now she is being Alpha and Luna for this pack, she is exhausted and run down you just keep pushing her. Do you remember the girl you met?, the broken, challenged girl, unwanted, unloved, had no one bar two people who treated her as their own, well right now she only has Nikki really as the boys will remain loyal to you no matter what. Thirdly what on earth possessed you to lay a finger on that girl, all she wants to do is love you, support you and become one with you, which you go ahead and just abandon her like a puppy on the side of the road. Have you got anything to say for yourself?" "Ma I thought you were coming to support me not lecture me" "you want to see what she has to deal with, I'll show you myself"*** I see a memory Amelia's memory, I can feel everything Ma is showing me her past, how she was treated and how she felt then how Roman would treat her as the only person that mattered then being thrown away, it continues on to finding Rich and Nina how they made her feel a little better as she gained some of herself back, here came me, I lit up her world and how things just fell into place for her, it continued with finding out about herself, the troubles she has faced since meeting me, it completely broke her with Roman but she still held her head up. Coming to now and how I've made her relive her history, I feel my heart sinking, torn apart my whole world around me vanishing into thin air, finding out about the pup she had an attack out of fear of me and how she would manage alone. How I treated her the night I gripped her, she's scared of me, I've made the girl terrified of me, she's starting to love her bump but doesn't see me in the picture. She's longing for me, she needs me but I've literally caused her to relive her past, when all she ever did was try to make everything easier and allow us to have the best life we could, support me and love me. ***"You see you have caused so much pain and sadness, you will need to beg for her forgivness, so you damn well should. You’ve become a monster, you are your father, you need to change that if you ever want a happy life. She's fragile but strong in so many other ways, she's learnt to be independant. You need to show her just how much she means to you that is if you still feep that way." "but Ma why do I keep blaming her when you've shown me it's not her it's me." "You need to let go and forget the past and what has happened and look to your future with Amelia and the pack." "The ball is in your court now Lucas but time is ticking, you don't have forever, I'm sure you'll do the right thing please look after everyone I love you"

I find myself pouring with sweat, shaking and frustrated. As I lay there going through everything on repeat, taking in all the emotions, the cruelty, the loneliness and abandonment I had caused, I even tried to convince others of her disrespect. Oh Goddess what have I done?