THIRTY-ONE | INCENDIARY

The next three days follow the same pattern as Monday. Mom and I say our goodbyes early, I drive myself to school where Blue avoids me, then I drive to Lia's and stay out there until Alpha Azure relieves us. The only thing that's a little different is Yuri. He seems to relax enough after Monday to go back to his usual, flirtatious self. Not that Blue seems to care.

He stays quiet, not looking at me, only muttering a few pleasantries when prompted. That mental wall is still there, keeping me out. He even shies away when I reach out to touch him. My skin doesn't prickle or itch when we're apart anymore, and that cold inside me seems to get worse by the day.

Aside from that, everything's fine.

No one's made any death threats. No attacks. And my grades are...okay. I'm *passing* my classes.

If anything, the one part of my day I dread the most is now going to sleep. Nightmares plague my dreams, locking my body up while I sleep or forcing me to scream at random hours of the night. Or so Mom tells me. She's got her own cot set up in my small room, but sleeps besides me most nights to wake me up if she notices I'm not sleeping well. Which seems to be every few hours - at least twice a night if I'm lucky.

The amount of coffee I'm drinking during waking hours steadily increases. Dark circles have begun to reappear under my eyes, and I nod off a few times in some of my more boring classes. That gets me a few annoyed looks from my teachers, but they don't call me out on it. Hale and Ms. Jin are the only ones who say anything about my condition. Since the two know what I am, they don't seem surprised when I admit I haven't been sleeping well.

Hale tells me to try drinking tea before bed. However, Ms. Jin just tells me the nightmares are part of the process. I don't know who to trust more, my father or the Oracle. I go with both approaches.

The tea just makes me sleepier, but the nightmares are still there after I test it out on Friday night. By the next morning, I'm drenched in cold sweat, heart racing, and unable to recall - again - what I'd been so afraid of. But I know, deep inside, it wasn't pleasant. *One silver lining*, I note, glancing over to see Mom's still fast asleep beside me, *no screaming*.

I carefully leave the bed and take a quick shower before ducking out the back door. A thick mist hangs in the air, only slightly disturbed by the clouds my breathing produces. I'm bundled up in an extra blanket, barefoot, but nor really feeling the earth beneath my feet. There's a slight restlessness to my movements these days, an itch I can't scratch - though completely different from the way I felt from being separated from Blue.

This new feeling makes me cranky, and I just want to gnaw on something, all the time. My teeth itch. I attribute that pleasant little tidbit to my impending birthday. One more month. More or less. We're nearing the end of the first week of November. One month and a week - give or take a day - is my official countdown. The time around me is starting to feel different.

Hard to describe, but some times I'll be staring at the board in class, and the next thing I know the class has ended. Or, I'll be working on an assignment and not even a full minute will have passed. The I just sit in my seat and wait for someone else to turn their paper in.

It's hit or miss, something that seems to be completely out of my control. I haven't mentioned it to Mom yet. Or Hale. I've had other things weighing on me lately. Mostly the visions.

As it stands, they're going to get steadily worse, whatever happens from here on out is going to cause more problems. I've been silently debating on whether or not to talk to Mom about the worse one. The one where Craven brutally attacks the Azures and kills Hale. That one seems to be the one that's going to happen next and I'm terrified. Add this fear to my already frayed state of mind and I'm getting close to loosing it.

Luckily, I still have this. I stop in the middle of the clearing, completely alone. A tiny whisper of disappointment spears me when I can't sense anything or anyone nearby. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm starting to miss being around Blue. We haven't even been meeting up to get through the visions on Sunday nights, the way we had before. And I'm not about to bring that up when he's so clearly avoiding me.

So I'm here instead. I shed the blanket and stretch my neck from side to side, taking a deep breath as I call to the Wolven part of me that's been oddly quiet these days. I need to let off some steam, or I'm sure I'll implode.

But nothing happens. I blink a few times in confusion. For the first time since I was a pup, I can't sense the pacing wolf that's my other half. Panic begins to writhe in my stomach and I shut my eyes tightly, searching for the connection. All I feel is that biting cold, the nibbling, gnawing itch in my jaw, the stuttering time against my body.

"C'mon!" I hiss, mentally digging deeper, trying to feel for the feral animal within. In the deepest recess of my soul, I feel the wild thing stir. Relief surges through me, my body relaxing as the spirit of the animal slowly begins to fill me. But it's like the creature can feel the cold of my vampiric side, hesitating to overcome me the way it does when I shift.

Just as I ease into the tingling sensation of the shift, things go horribly wrong. The slowly blooming warmth from my Wolven side is suddenly snuffed out by the cold, sending jarring shards of ice in it's place. An inner battle commences. Fire versus ice. Wolven against vampire. Splinters of cold and heat battle for control, sending me crumpling to my knees. The moment I make contact with the hard earth, my Wolven sense come alive. The wilderness around me seems to ground my more feral side, bring it to the surface - only to have the other half attempt to drag it back down with a wave of ice.

I groan in frustration, feeling the stabbing pain echo through my bones. *I haven't had this much trouble shifting since.*.. The mere memory of my tenth birthday overpowers the vampiric cold.

Finally, I collapse on the forest floor, gasping for breath. I'm so tired now from the extended shift that I don't know if I'll be able to change back tonight. A low growl escapes from my throat as I huff a breath of annoyance. But there's *warmth*. Blessed warmth as I lay there in my Wolven form. I can now feel the biting autumn cold around me, the tendrils of frost on the breeze, but also the slight heat from the morning sun.

I never thought I'd miss being a wolf so much. I keep still, basking in the sunlight like I'll never get the change again. I try not to think of the likely-hood of *that* happening. I make a mental note to talk to Mom and Hale about this later. I hope this is just a temporary problem. You'd think werewolf and vampire just wouldn't mix.

Maybe my upcoming birthday is to blame for the near inability for me to shift.

I *hope* that's all it is.

- - -

"Okay, that's it." I look up from my textbook at Darine. It's lunch time, Wednesday afternoon, and we've just sat down to eat together. Yuri and Zane aren't here yet, so it's just us. I blink at her a few times, not sure why she's interrupting my studying. For the last few days, I've brought extra material to study during lunch since it's clear Blue doesn't want to talk right now and I'm sick of the weird short answers he gives whenever we ask him questions.

"What?" I frown at my human friend, letting the fog that is physics fade from my mind.

"You don't have to tell me what's going on, I get it, you guys have some stuff to work through, but-"She's not making sense.

"Darine, what the hell are you talking about?" My temper flares almost immediately. I've been less and less social these last few days, almost everything triggers some sort of response from me. Normally, I'm much more easily annoyed, angered, or frustrated. It's gotten to the point that Darien whisper-asked if it was 'that time of the month' in Choir yesterday.

"You and Zane," She lowers her voice, casting a quick glance around the empty courtyard. Even though it's cold, if the frost on the windows are anything to go by, Darine has insisted we continue sitting outside up until we get our first bout of snow. "I know it's none of my business, but you two need to work our whatever's got between you-"

"There's nothing to work out," I roll my eyes at her. And it's true. I know what's up with Blue and it's not something I can readily fix without leaving town.

"Please," Darine's face scrunches up in a mix of annoyance and disbelief. "Ever since the dance you two can hardly be in the same room together-"

"We have four classes together-" My interruption doesn't stop her.

"You're both moody and withdrawn-" She continues. "And he can barely look at you-" She bursts out. I wince at that. Her words are a physical blow, bringing back the look in Blue's eyes when I'd confronted him last week. "That's not normal! He couldn't keep his eyes off you before Halloween, and now- now..." She struggles to get her point across.

"He's going through some stuff right now, Darine." I sigh, closing my textbook. I cast a little glance at the side door to the cafeteria, watching for Yuri and Blue as I explain. "We talked about it last week and I'm just trying to give him some space."

"Oh." Darine's frown deepens, a more thoughtful expression coming over her face. The door to the cafeteria opens and Blue and Yuri come out with their trays and backpacks. They're muttering to each other quietly, that weird wall of silence encasing them so I know Blue's blocking me from listening. It's really annoying. "You know what? Let's have a girl's night."

"A what?" I bring my attention back to Darine, confused how her logic went from my issues to our friendship.

"A girl's night." She repeats, looking at me expectantly. When all I do is stare at her, she sighs, rolling her eyes dramatically. "You know, a night where you and I hang out. Stay up late. Watch rom-coms. Gossip?" She looks back at the guys who are still out of 'human ear-shot' distance, but well within Wolven-hearing distance. Not that she'd know that. "Talk about boys," I note a slight tensing in both guy's shoulders and they stop talking to each other, but don't look up.

"Fine." I say quickly, feeling a slight blush beginning to work up my face as I duck my head.

"Great! Gimme your number and we'll meet up this week." Darine grins, holding her hand out expectantly. I sigh, pulling the old model from my pocket and passing it to her as the guys reach us. "It'll be fun, I swear." Darine tells me absently, entering her phone number into my phone and sending herself a text so she gets mine. I give a non-comital grunt, already feeling wary.