SEVENTY-TWO | THREE ROADS

"Keep your hands up, babe!" Yuri reminds me - *after* he's socked me in the jaw. I growl at him, massaging the bruising area. But at least I didn't fall on my ass like I did the first two time he got me there this morning.

"I'm keeping score, big guy." I warn him, yet again. And he just smiles at me - like I'm a cute child.

"It's great you've got big dreams, babe, but try to keep them realistic." He chuckles. I snarl at him, picking up the pace with my next attack and only just missing him. My forward momentum makes me nearly fall over when I don't make contact with anything. But Yuri's fast. And an ass. He catches me with a punch to the gut, supporting me as I hunch over, fighting the urge to hurl up the blood bag I downed before we started. "Alright, alright. Break time." He sighs after I take too long to recover. He lowers me to the ground and walks to where a thermos sits.

I'm swallowing the rising bile, dragging in each pained breath as my body heals. I assume 'the position', bracing my palms on my knees as I kneel in place, head bent slightly incase breakfast decides to make an appearance. I count to three in my head before I feel like I can look back up as Yuri meanders back over to me. He's watching me with a look of caution, studying the way I'm sitting. I really have only used this position a few times, and only for a few minutes. Now passes the time I normally am like this. Betraying the extent of my injuries.

"I'll be fine," I try to tell him when he offers the thermos to me. It's a huge, gallon-sized thing meant to hold a lot of liquid, but I've been using it like an insulated lunch box. There's a few chilled blood bags in there and a vial of potion, freshly made from Doc Quin with the slightly adjusted dosing. It's stronger now, five days after my over-dose and the old dose just hasn't been controlling the symptoms like it had before. Already, I can feel the precursors of the fading dose from this morning.

My muscles are cramping on my bones, straining and tightening and scraping, the pain's only growing as I remain still. Despite taking the stuff every six hours on the dot, the nightmares have come back with a vengeance. I have to pretend to fall asleep, then sneak out to sleep in the greenhouse... Well, not sleep exactly. Nothing about my 'sleep' these last few days has been restful. I get an hour of peace, two if I'm lucky, before the terrors of the night come to haunt me.

It's not the past that plagues me now, but the sick and twisted worries of killing that have ruined me. I kill things. People. Humans. Wolven. Vamps. I kill anything and everything that comes across my path in the nightmares. Its always the same. Some helpless thing stumbles upon me in the woods, then everything goes red and I find that I've ripped the heart from the poor creature's chest. Last night, there was a familiar face to my victim. Yuri.

"Babe, you need to drink something." Yuri crouches beside me, still offering the thermos to me. He's close enough that I can hear the staccato rhythm of his heart, perfectly uniform and calm despite his close proximity to someone who's killed him in their dreams. My gums begin to ache at the brief memory of the nightmare and I let out a shuddering sigh.

"Fine." I give in, pulling the thermos from his hands and unscrewing the lid - just as the scent of his blood catches in my nostrils. I swallow hard, trying to ignore the sudden watering of my mouth as I fish out the vial of potion and a blood bag. When it gets to this point, I have to have a dose of each. Doc Blythe and Doc Quin would be proud of the progress I've made with blood. A progress born out of necessity, but still. I'm up to three bags a day.

The potion's like ice now, cooling my mouth the second I swallow and chilling the rest of me. I try to hide my shudder as the fifth drop finally hits my stomach. The numbness is welcomes, but on the verge of painful. I remind myself to wait a little longer before my next dose. Last thing I want is to loose out on more training time because I OD again.

Yuri nods in approval as I begin sipping from the blood bag, standing - probably to get away from the scent of it - and stretching.

"We've been lucky the last few days," Yuri tells me and I raise an eyebrow at him in silent question. "No attacks." He explains and I find myself nodding, my abysmal mood sinking a little more at the reminder that my family are psychos. "I keep telling people to stay vigilant, though, since there hasn't been a call for a truce. But after the last attack, I think the Reiniers are trying to be more cautious." This catches my attention. Yuri mentioned before that their last attack was on the night Blue and I last talked. After the over-dose and subsequent terrifying vision.

"What happened? You never said..." I trail off as he gives me a meaningful look. A look I've come to associate with 'don't ask questions you know I can't answer'. I roll my eyes and sulk a little, going back to polishing off the blood bag as I consider reason why the Reiniers haven't been trying to pick off the Azures like they seem to have been regularly. Randomly. "How many of them did you guys injure?" I ask Yuri before I can stop myself.

Yuri's face becomes a mask of nothingness and I know I've asked the right question. I tilt my head, considering again.

"Must have been more than however many came to attack." I decide. "That's the only reason they could have been worried." I nod to myself again, knowing this is just the kind of line of thinking they've followed for generations. The only reason they would refrain from attacking is if they had more injuries than they were prepared for and were re-evaluating their strategies. Which means their next attack will be worse. I feel my stomach churn in a mix of anxiety and fear as I ponder this.

"We're being careful," Yuri tells me after a minute, hesitation clear in his voice. I look back at him, study the grim expression on his face and give him one quick nod. I let out another, heavier sigh, before setting the now empty blood bag back into the thermos and sealing the thing again.

"We'd better get back to it, then." I huff and get to my feet, the smooth uncurling of my body the only indication that the combined therapy of the blood and potion are working. Everything else is numb or close to it. I soak in the muffled emotions I can sense swirling in me, but I can also choose to ignore them now. I wonder if this is how all vamps feel. Sort of empty - detached from the world and their own feelings. I stow the thought away, deciding it really doesn't matter. I've got a little less than a week and a half to go before I Bloom. I can ask Ms. Jin during our next lesson about this weirdness and if it's normal.

Lessons have become all about the intricacies of vamp existences and less of a history lesson lately. I've learned more about the uncanny healing of vamps than I care to think about now and the possibilities of becoming a Revenant as a result. I'm not thrilled about the matter-of-fact way Ms. Jin has been explaining, but at least she's honest with me. I'd like to be fully prepared for the life I may be living soon. She still isn't sure which of my sides will be more dominant after my Blooming. She explained that two sides - like mine - that have conflicting natures could have a few possibilities.

I replay them in my head as I get into a fighting stance in front of Yuri. He mirrors my stance and I take a deep breath, recalling the first as he moves in to attack. One: my vamp side will take a backseat to my Wolven one, and things will go back to normal. I'll be me with better healing and faster reflexes, but silver will still burn and Wolfsbane could kill me.

I dodge Yuri's incoming fist, letting out the breath and carefully avoiding his subsequent attack by a hair. His foot nearly catches me in the stomach, but I'm faster than him now, thanks to the blood. I go in for my own countering move as I think of the next possibility.

Two: the two sides live in harmony. I get all the perks of being a Wolven-vamp hybrid, immune to silver, super healing, awesome reflexes, no need for daily consumption of blood, and significantly decreased chances of loosing my shit and killing everyone I love.

That one's a pipe dream, I know, but Ms. Jin seems to like that one the best.

My attack only seems to stun Yuri as my fist makes contact with his jaw, though I can smell blood and catch sight of the deep red on the side of his mouth. He lets out a grunt of annoyance, and time feels suddenly slower around us. The drum of his heart is all I hear as the vamp in me is reawakened. I'm in control enough for the red to only hover at the edges of my vision as I take the opportunity to complete my attack.

Three: the vamp in me takes over completely and drowns the Wolven in me. I won't be able to shift ever again and be dependent on blood like the other vamps. I'll be immune to silver, and Wolfsbane and my senses will become more calculating than emotional. Blood will trigger immediate thirst and the need to feed. The chances of me becoming a Revenant at some point are infinitely higher with this one. I hate this one the most...but can't help but feel it's what will happen.

Yuri's suddenly under me, eyes wide with surprise and a little fear. I drag in a breath, my burning lungs and teeth helping me refocus. I'm kneeling on Yuri's legs, my arms pinning his to the ground and my nails digging into his skin with the effort of holding him still. His neck's exposed to me from here. Less than five inches between my salivating mouth and his pale skin. I can see his jumping pulse, the jittery movement oddly hypnotic in my muddled state.

I feel calm. Not frenzied. Just calm. A bit of myself returns after another second and I smirk down at the huge Wolven. The look of fear drains from his dark grey eyes and he frowns in annoyance at me.

"That's one for me." I remind him, giving his forearms a squeeze for emphasis before I release him and take a few steps away. He lays there for a minute, watching me carefully.

"And about a thousand for me." Yuri finally quips, getting up in one fluid movement. But I can see he's more guarded now. "You got a lot of catching up to do, babe." I smile at the challenge, my body finally relaxing out of the cold state.

"Let's go again, then." I reply, getting into the right stance in preparation for his next attack. He obliges with a smirk, but his eyes are still careful as the lesson goes on. And in the back of my mind, under the satisfaction of finally being capable enough to fight to beat Yuri, the itching feeling of fear begins chipping away at the hope for the first two possibilities.