EIGHTY-THREE | EMOTIONAL

Once Blue and Hale have ironed out a few more details, we leave the Coven. I'm worn out now, though the sun's slowly rising by the time we get back to Azure territory. Blue's taken to holding my hand again, gently but firmly, his emotions a black cloud hanging between us. We haven't said a thing about the elephant in the room: *Colton*. I keep rolling over the information Hale gave me about the royal family branch in the Colton, the one he left. The one that could have the answers I need.

"I think I should go," I tell Blue again, speaking slowly - calmly. He says nothing, but his emotions in my head become darker, giving him away. I feel his anxiety, like a coiled rattle snake, rising up in warning and waring with a flare of anger. "Not right now, but after." I add, taking advantage of his silence. He stops walking, his eyes closed and face carefully blank. I relax my grip on his hand, but his only tightens - like he's afraid to let me go. "Blue-"

"I don't want you to go." He rasps, his voice raw and strained. Finally, his eyes open and I can read the pain flashing in the suddenly dark grey depths. The silvery flecks dancing in the slowly lightening sunlight. I take a step closer to him, standing directly in front of him now so only a few inches separate our bodies. The itchy crawling under my skin soothes the closer we are, and I know he's got the same feeling under his skin.

Like now our bond's been exposed and that wall was destroyed, simply touching isn't enough. The humming cord tethering us feels strained, sending sharp spikes through my chest - as if it's literally pulling at my heart. But I know the feeling is the result of Blue's emotions. *Is this what he's feeling? Like his heart's being ripped apart?*

"I don't want to go either." I confide in him, though he probably already knows. "It's not like before, when I ran. I'm not saying I want to go because I want to leave, but I think they can help me." I explain, saying the words aloud makes them feel real. It kind of feels like I'm trying to run again, if I'm being honest with myself. The appeal of getting away for a little while is undoubtedly part of my decision, but Blue doesn't need to know that. Last thing I want him to think is that I'm a flight risk. "It wouldn't be right now anyway."

"That doesn't make it any better." Blue huffs, blinking hard. I give him a little smile, taking his other hand in my free one. The extra contact seems to help soothe him, his thunderous emotions fading a little as warmth rolls over me to take their place. *Admiration, concern, and something so gentle and warm*... "I hate the thought of being away from you - even if it's the best option. You can't convince me leaving's for the best." *Is there a double meaning in those words or am I just imagining it?*

"It's not like you could come with me." I point out, feeling my smile fall a bit as he seems to consider this. *Fuck*. "Blue, you *can't* come with me." I repeat firmly, but he's not listening. A new chill rolls through me, my own fear and panic. *It was hard enough for me to stay alive out there when I was running, how much harder would it be if he was with me? What if he got hurt- No.* I shut the idea down as soon as it pops into my head, unable to complete the thought as a bolt of pain lances through my chest.

"We could go during winter break-" He considers, the silver in his dancing as they flare brighter. I curse myself for giving him the idea, curse every syllable that I'd spoken with every fiber of my being.

"Blue, it's a *vampire* Coven. On the *border*-" I try to spell it all out for him, panic rising in me. It's a dangerous area. Too dangerous for him to go to. *I can't loose him. I just can't*.

"Exactly. Just because you're a hybrid doesn't mean *you'll* be safe, Red." He growls, but his anger's not directed at me. I feel his concern for my well-being and his understanding of the situation - but there's also the need to ensure I'm safe. *The overwhelming ache to make sure his mate's going to come back in one piece and be safe*-

"You can't stop me." I bite out, matching his tone. His face goes blank, his hands dropping mine. But the connection between us is thrumming now, his anger and fear a tornado, ripping through me. I fight the urge to punch something, my muscles tensing as my hands clench and unclench, my teeth gritting and grinding. A migraine's tearing through my mind, flaring up so brightly I'm afraid my skull's about to explode. "I need to do this. After I Bloom, I'm going." I tell him, my voice calmer than I feel. Blue just keeps staring at me, his eyes now swirling silver and grey, the colors waring the way his emotions are. They feel like hurricane-force winds ripping through me, frustration and panic and-

"I've got to get to Jannette." Blue says, a gap suddenly emerging between us. I blink, my head still throbbing, but no longer full to the point of exploding. He's managed to put up some sort of barrier between us again. Not like before - more like a temporary picket fence than a brick wall, but it hurts all the same. The fact he's trying to put some distance between us again. "It's not like that-" Blue begins, reaching for me, but I take a step back, staying just out of reach. His hands curl into fists and he lets them fall back to his sides, eyes sad as a flash of hurt rolls through them. Again, it's like the connection's tugging at my heart, the ache adding to the one I'm feeling and making the air in my lungs expel on a hiss. "Shit- Red, I'm sorry-" He groans, reaching for me again, but I take a few more steps away as the emotions - both his and my own begin to fill me again. Heat flares behind my eyes, the corners stinging and my vision blurring. *Fuck*. I blink rapidly, turning away from him as my too-full emotions begin spilling from my eyes in the form of tears, down my cheeks in rivers.

"I-I should get home." I stutter, struggling to breathe as the weight of the pain in my chest ratchets up a few degrees and the too-full ache in my head comes back with a vengeance. My voice's thick, and I know he knows I'm crying. I feel the panic in him spilling through me and anger towards himself and the frustration and heart-ache at causing me pain-

"Let me walk you home-" He touches my sleeve, but I cringe away from the touch, my sense already overloaded from everything else.

"I'll be fine." I tell him, turning towards the direction of my house and beginning the walk back. My leaking eyes continue to stain my cheeks with saltwater, my nose beginning to run after a few seconds and the ache's only getting worse. My heart hurts more with every beat, the cruel feeling adding to my emotional state and seemly fueling my tears. The emotions have rubbed every nerve in me raw, the cold invading my body again and numbing my fingers and toes where before I hadn't felt the cold.

I pretend I don't sense Blue following me, staying just out of sight, but tailing me all the way back to the greenhouse. His presence only fades when I've gone inside and locked the door behind me.