SIXTY-FIVE | WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU

It takes a while for us to get back to the house, longer than it should. I'm exhausted now, all my energy from lunch has faded. Mikyle hasn't said a word to me as we made our way back. The entire way I felt like we were being watched, but nothing attacked us, so I can only assume it was my imagination.

"Red," Blue's waiting inside the house, just like old times. A wave of nostalgia threatens to overwhelm me when I see him there, leaning against the counter. Waiting for me. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" His words break the illusion of the past and I feel that icy spike of disappointment lance my heart when I see how blank his expression is. *He's still blocking me*.

"Uh, I don't know-" I say slowly, glancing between him and my shadow, now hovering just a little closer than before.

"It'll be fast." Blue promises, his expression softening just a little. Enough to let one emotion flash across his face: regret. *But regret over what?*

"Take a hint, Zane. She doesn't want to talk to you-" Mikyle comes to my defense but Blue's clearly not in the mood to entertain him today.

"Butt out Mikyle." Blue growls at the vampire, his silvery-grey eyes flaring bright silver in warning. Behind me, Mikyle tenses, but to back off or advance, I can't be sure. One thing I do know: I don't want to see either man hurt.

"It's fine, Mikyle." I say as calmly as I can. "Why don't you start warming up dinner? I'll be quick." This probably won't be 'quick' but I need to talk to Blue alone.

"Alright. Just call me if you need anything, princess." Mikyle tells me, resting a hand lightly on my shoulder before adding: "I've got *excellent* hearing."

"I know." I roll my eyes, not looking at my shadow as I head out the back door. Blue follows silently, still so wound up I can feel the tension rolling off him. I cross my arms over my chest as we come to a stop a few feet away from the greenhouse. My back's to him and I have to take a few deep breaths before I can face him.

"You two are pretty close." Blue finally mutters, the bitter notes in his voice making the guilt I felt earlier come back full-force. He isn't looking at me, rather, scanning the tree line warily - eyes more ashen grey than silver.

"He's been my shadow since I got back." I reply weakly, not really sure how to explain the 'closeness' between me and Mikyle. "Guess Mom and Hale didn't want to chance me running again." I add to myself, thinking back to the original reason my shadow was assigned to me.

"And he's really living here?" Blue's eyes lock back on my face, emotionless and empty. "With you?" I cringe at the implication, the guilt stabbing at my chest with renewed fervor.

"With me *and* Mom, yeah." I remind him, trying to keep the defensiveness from my voice. If the roles had been reversed in our situation, I know I'd be more annoyed and angry than he seems to be right now.

Blue closes his eyes, his jaw working as his teeth grind together. I can hear the soft scraping of his teeth from here. He take a deep breath, looking back up at the cloudy sky above as emotions flicker over his face. I try to decipher them, but it's just a momentary lapse in the mask he's been wearing the last few weeks.

"Did you forget?" He suddenly asks, face hardening as he returns his now steel-silver eyes to my face. I blink in surprise, seeing an angry sort of resolution in the nearly glowing silvery color.

"What?" I blurt, my hands dropping - feeling completely unarmed and bare when he looks at me like that.

"Did. You. Forget?" He repeats slowly, stepping closer with each word, eyes burning into mine.

"What're you-?" I blink rapidly, trying to focus on what he's asking.

"Cause I can forgive you if you forgot." He rushes out, looking earnest for the briefest second.

"Blue, what the hell are you talking-" I throw up my hands, completely thrown by his line of questioning. How am I supposed to remember something I might have forgotten?

"Did you forget that you're *my* mate?" He grits out, that emotionless mask falling away and exposing a hurt expression I haven't ever seen on his face.

"No. Of course, I didn't." I hiss, my guilt bubbling up into a defensive anger. "Did *you*?" He's the one who's been avoiding me for the last few weeks - even before I left.

"How can you even ask me that?" He growls, eyes narrowing and entire face morphing into that of disbelief and equally defensive.

"Well - *fuck* - I don't know?" I reply rhetorically, throwing up my hands, riding the explosive wave of anger fueling my rising voice. "How about the fact that today was the *second* time I've seen you since I got back?" I remind him, my mind whirling through the last few days. Everything that's happened since I got back. "Or maybe the fact that I haven't so much as received a *carrier pigeon*-"

"A lot of shit's gone down since you left-" Blue's words become patronizingly slow, only adding gas to the metaphorical fire within me.

"Oh, *please*, don't feed me that bullshit-" I seethe.

"It's the *truth*-"

"Then you're a fucking *liar* 'cause if that was the truth you'd have come to see me," My reasoning holds in my head - *yes* - but once I say it aloud, I can't help but see the flaws in it. "At least once to make sure I was okay-" My back hits a nearby tree, not hard enough to knock any air from me - or even really register - but enough to interrupt my words.

Blue's holding my shoulders, careful not to touch any of my exposed skin as he glares down at me, eyes now their usual swirling monochromatic silvery-grey that I love. They're what knocks the wind from my lungs, chips at the raging storm in me, breaks through the defenses I so carefully built over the years.

"Red- *Fuck*," He takes a deep, frustrated breath, shaking his head and looking away from me as the icy barrier between us starts to crumble. "I'm just going through some shit-" My vulnerability takes a back-seat as his words wash over me.

"Welcome to the fucking *club*, asshole!" I yell at him, not even bothering to bottle even an ounce of my emotions as everything comes pouring from my mouth. "I've been going through shit, too! Did that ever cross your mind?!" Blue doesn't say anything, just stares at me incredulously as I continue to rant. "Maybe I've been *missing* you, wondering when the hell I'm going to see you again - or if I'm *ever* gonna see you again - waiting for you to grow a pair-"

My words falter as his hot mouth descends on mine suddenly. My entire body freezes, his eyes are closed. Blue's soft, scorchingly-warm lips press more urgently against mine, sending sparking tingles through my body and short-circuiting my brain. My anger falls away, melting faster than butter on the sidewalk in July. My own eyes flutter shut as my muscles relax against his.

The connection between us feels less like a thin cord and more like a tight rope I could walk across. The tattered thing that's been acting as my heart suddenly feels lighter, not entirely whole again, but patched up. Definitely able to function. Just as I'm about to pull him closer, allow him to deepen the kiss, he pulls away.

"When did you get such a dirty mouth?" Blue sighs, pressing our foreheads together gently. I look up at him, letting my eyes scan over what I can see of his face while his eyes are closed. The smooth, pale skin under his eyes are darker than I realized - like he's been loosing sleep. There's a bit of a gauntness to the sides of his face too, barely there, but there all the same.

"I guess Mikyle's been rubbing off on me." I mutter automatically - not really thinking before I say it. The second it's out, I realize how it sounds and wince as Blue pulls away and glares at me.

"Like fuck he has-" He begins to growl, eyes burning bright with annoyance and anger.

"It's a figure of speech, Blue." I remind him, rolling my eyes, sighing.

"Right. Right! Sorry." His eyes widen and he shakes his head as the silver fades into a darker grey. "I'm sorry." He says it slower, with more feeling and I can't help but give him a soft smile. "It's just... The thought of you two together in a house, alone-" He bites out and I feel my smile slip - annoyance taking over.

"Hey, it's not like he's here 'cause he wants to be," I hedge around the things that have been happening between me and my shadow - not wanting to provoke my mate when he's finally opening up to me. "Mom and Hale are making him stay." Not a lie.

"I don't know, Red..." He begins slowly, his eyes hardening. "The way he was looking at you, and what happened in the warehouse-"

"That only happened because he knew you were there," I sort of lie. Sort of. Mikyle seems to have known Blue was there the whole time. Maybe that's why he was so...then again... "Mikyle doesn't even think of me like that." I ignore all the possible reasons behind Mikyle's actions lately - wanting nothing more than to smoothing things over between me and Blue.

"You sure?" Blue quirks an eyebrow at me, obviously not buying my lie.

"Yeah," I say it too quickly and Blue's lips twist into a bitter smile.

"You're still a shit-liar, Red." There's no bite to his words, just a sad undertone. I wince as the guilt - that shit-guilt stabs at my heart again.

"I'm not-" I try to lie again, but he just shakes his head.

"It's okay." He gently squeezes my shoulders, his thumbs rubbing circles into the material of my shirt. "So long as you don't like him either." He adds slowly, watching me carefully.

"I like you." I tell him honestly. *Love you, more like.* But I don't tell him that. Now's not the time to get into *that* messy tangle.

"That's not a denial." Blue points out, frowning.

"He's a jackass." Another bit of honesty...but not a direct bad thing when it comes to Mikyle.

"That doesn't sound like a bad thing when you say it like that." Blue narrows his eyes at me.

"*Nothing*'s going on between us, I swear." It's also another nugget of truth. Nothing's going on between me and Mikyle. Every time he tries something, I can't - *haven*'t really - let him follow through.

"Okay." He says slowly, then nods, letting out another breath. "Okay..." Blue's shoulders relax and I feel some of the tension drain from the air between us. "I trust you." He says firmly, looking into my eyes.

"Good." I feel my lips twitch into a smile.

"This is the part you say 'I trust you, too'." He mutters dryly, but gives me a little smile, too.

"You already know I'm a shit-liar." I try to say with a straight face, but feel the small smile on my face grow when he scowls at me. "Kidding!" I laugh, relief washing over me anew as our conversation seems to take on a much lighter tone. "I do trust you, Blue." And I do. I have for a while now.

"Good." He reluctantly releases me, taking a tiny step away from me, though I wish he wouldn't. "I missed you." The slight sting of his actions is immediately soothed by his words.

"I missed you, too." I agree, letting the tree brace me as I lean my head back into it. "You know, you never did apologize to me." I cross my arms over my chest and narrow my eyes at my mate.

"For what?" Blue asks, a mischievous glint to his eyes now.

"Shooting me - three times!" I all but yell at him, despite knowing he's joking. But now that I think about it - I do deserve an apology. "And kidnapping me! And hitting me-"

"I was kidding, Red." He laughs, holding his hands up defensively, cringing a little. "I am sorry - for the bullets and the pain I caused you-"

"But?" I sense a 'but' and the jovial mood is suddenly very serious.

"*But* they were necessary evils and the only options I had at the time." He has a point. I know he does, but all I can muster is an:

"Ugh," The noncommittal reply turns his serious expression into a more tender and sadder thing that pulls at my heart. I can't stay mad at him. I really just *can't.*

"Hey, I'm sorry."

"Is that it?" I ask bitterly, but my pouty mood is now truly gone. I'm just so relieved we're talking to each other again. And I really, really don't want him to go.

"No." He admits, looking away from me before he continues. "I think we should start meeting up again." He says abruptly, avoiding my eyes as the faintest of flushes color his cheeks. "For the visions." My heart leaps, literally feeling like it's leapt in my chest at the sound of that phrase.

"Right. 'For the visions'." I echo, unable to keep the growing smile from my face. Hope for our future, that damn emotion, springs to life deep inside where I thought it had died long ago.