Chapter 133: Angela
I felt thoroughly sore, lovingly-fucked, and completely miserable. So many people believed in me but the one person who mattered most thought I was a lost cause. That one person wasn't Lydia, Damian, or Krispin, it was me. They seemed willing to sail me over the rising waves but the sea of depression had a way of slithering back into my life. It always did.
I lay in Krispin's bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest until finally, I couldn't take any more, and feathered my hand across his sculpted torso, traveling the lines of muscle until I reached his nipple. His breathing stopped for a moment and I knew he was awake but he let me continue my quest.
I brought my mouth to the small, stiffened peak, and swirled my tongue, gently sucking the bud between my lips. When he finally moved, it was quick and I couldn't help my squeal of surprise. In half a blink, I was lying beneath him and his forehead dipped down to rest against mine.
"I love you."
"Please, Sir, will you do something about it?"
"No, because we have an appointment and slept in too long."
I didn't have time to complain before he jumped from the bed and then lifted me into his arms. He dumped me in the shower after adjusting the water but only joined me to wash us both quickly and efficiently. He gave me five minutes to do something with my hair and get dressed. While I stood in the bathroom applying a small amount of makeup, I heard his low murmur while he spoke on his cell phone but I couldn't hear what he said.
Wade drove us again but this time when we pulled into a parking lot of an older rundown section of LA, he got out and followed us. Krispin kept a tight hold on my hand as a crowd of about fifty people, mostly men, met us as we rounded the corner. They stood in small groups and smoked cigarettes like it was saving their lungs instead of destroying them. A few greeted Krispin by name but most ignored us. We entered the building through a single door to find more people milling around. There were approximately one-hundred metal folding chairs set up, facing forward in the stark unadorned room. The air carried the smell of cigarettes even though no one smoked inside.
Small pieces of paper, a few baseball caps like Krispin's, and even a plastic fork marked the reserved chairs. Krispin led us to a large metal coffee urn and poured us some of the dark potent smelling liquid. I nodded yes when he asked if I wanted cream and sugar. Even diluted it tasted strong and bitter. Almost everyone in the room had a small white cup, water bottle, or can of soda.
Wade walked away and found a lone empty seat. A rugged gentleman nodded at Krispin. He tightened his fingers around mine and led me over. We took the two chairs beside the man. As if an unheard bell sounded, the smokers and non-smokers made their way to their marked seats.
The man beside Krispin stood and walked to the front of the room.
"My name is Barry Levins," he said in a loud, gruff voice, "and I'm an alcoholic. The purpose of AA is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. This is an open meeting and some of you have brought friends and family. They are here for support, but this is not the venue for them to speak. I would like anyone new to stand and give a short introduction. Please begin with 'I am an alcoholic' and also list any other addictions you have."
I was stunned. Krispin, with more money than God, sat with these almost derelict people, part of their group, and obviously in need of their support. I wanted to cover my face and cry.
New members began standing, making their introductions. For most, their difficulty in facing their demon was obvious. Krispin continued to hold my hand but his eyes followed around the room as he watched each person give of themselves and take their first step. When the room went quiet again, he released my hand and walked to the front. My heart cried for his incredible courage.
The other man shook his hand and then came to sit beside me.
"Hi, my name is Krispin Righteous and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I have been sober and drug free for eighteen months. On the worst day of my life, I physically hurt a woman. That was when I reached rock bottom and decided to climb out of the pit. I am a better man but I fight this disease daily."
My eyes were riveted as I listened to Krispin tell the story of his downfall. He made no excuses and told of none of his inherent goodness. My tears dripped from my cheeks, landing on the front of my shirt. I couldn't even wipe them away, just sat in stunned silence with a full heart. I wanted to bury his head against my chest and give comfort. Comfort he wasn't asking for. All he wanted was my love.
My mind whirled; Angela, the fucked-up head case was needed in the worst way. And, I loved him with every particle of my being. Loved that he was imperfect like me, that he faced his own demons, but could overcome them to offer love and friendship.
He finally finished and sat back down, drawing me against his side as another man took his place. Five people told their stories. I shed tears for them all and I wasn't the only one. There was no clapping until afterwards when "sober coins" were issued. One by one, people were called forward and applause filled the room in acknowledgment of the obstacles these people had overcome.
At last, information was given about the list of AA members available as sponsors willing and able to help new attendees. Then everyone joined in for the Serenity Prayer. As the meeting broke up, a few people approached Krispin, giving him pats on the back, shaking his hand or -in the case of two women -hugging him. He introduced me and finally turned to the man who held our seats.
"Barry, this is Angela, the woman I've been telling you about."
"Hi Angela, I'm glad you could attend with Krispin."
Wade made his way over to us. I had completely forgotten about him. His soft smile reassured me that he was okay. We finally made our way silently to the car.
Once inside Krispin didn't speak, just kept his same solid and comforting hold around my shoulders. I rested my head against his chest and breathed in the smell of his body.
At the house, Wade dropped us off out front and then drove the car away. We were alone.
Krispin walked me to the kitchen.
"Would you like some water or juice?"
"Water, please."
I sat down and watched while he filled my glass. Handing it over, he then began making his special concoction of Mountain Dew and hot lemon.
"I can't believe you drink that stuff."
"Yeah, I know. It really tastes like shit."
I almost spit out my water. "Then why do you drink it?"
"To remind myself that alcohol tastes like shit too but I drank it anyway."
"Is this part of the 12-steps?"
"You could say it's my 13th-step."
"You're weird."
He walked over, and fit himself perfectly between my legs. He leaned in, and his warm breath ran across my ear. "And you love me."
I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. "And I love you."
"I know."
I could only smile but then I felt tears begin to fall again. Strong arms picked me up and carried me to the other room where I found myself sitting in Krispin's lap.
"Shhh, Little Bird. Things will be alright." Soft kisses butterflied along my cheek and jaw.
"You are so strong," I said on a hiccup.
"I wasn't always, but you make me stronger."
"Thank you for taking me."
"Now, do we get to take bets on which one of us is fucked up more?"
"Is 'us' really a good idea?"
"'Us' is the only idea. I need you. I'm far from perfect, but I can be your strength if you'll have me."
"Sometimes my medication needs to be adjusted and I don't do as well as you've seen me do."
"I'll hold your hand when that happens."
"I might not let you hold my hand."
"But I'll still be there. If I slipped and went off the wagon, would you leave me?"
"Of course not."
"That's what love is, for better or worse. We give each other strength in times of need."
"I start cleaning everything when I'm in a bad way. It would drive the sanest person crazy."
"You forget, I'm weird. I'll clean with you."
"Will you just play guitar and sing for me while I do it?"
"Yes, I will."
"I love you."
"I know," he said, as his nose touched mine. And then his lips took over.
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