Chapter 204: Machala
I couldn't hold back the tears and he stopped moving. "No, don't, Luke. Fuck me hard, please."
He did. I have no idea how much noise we made and I'm surprised the door didn't cave. He pulled my hair until I thought he would leave me bald, and when that didn't work, he rammed two fingers in my ass. No lube and it hurt but... it took me over the edge and I cried out as my body crashed. I was crying, but pulling air into my lungs.
"Shh," he whispered against my ear.
I knew he suspected I was crazy. Hell, I was the ice queen. No panic attacks allowed for me. "I'm so sorry." My forehead rested against his chest. His cock was still inside me.
"You shouldn't be. Having my very own fuck bunny during practice is something I plan on growing accustomed to."
He was attempting to change the mood. I shouldn't let him, but I desperately wanted to forget my near out of control disaster. We cleaned up in the bathroom. Luke took special care of my piercing. He'd explained about condoms for the first two weeks, but I didn't care that he hadn't worn one. We were both clean of disease and fucking me was what brought me back from the edge.
Practice ended early and I knew it was at Luke's urging. He held my hand during the ride home without asking questions. I knew how hard it must be for him. He controlled everything within his world and ninety-five percent of the time he controlled me. This was beyond us both.
We went to bed after quick showers. He didn't try to stop me when I said I would use the one in my old room. After drying myself off, I crawled into bed beside him. "I love you," he said before kissing me. I fell asleep lying on his chest with his heartbeat thudding in my ear.
This time I peered into a crystal lake. My image rippled. The rags of my youth hung from skeletal bones wrapped in tissue-thin skin. My jaw opened and shut like hinges. I was trying to say something, but no words formed because my vocal cords were already dust. My bones slowly faded and I reached out to touch my mirrored image. The dust blew away into the wind. No reflection peered back.
"You're weak. You need me, Machala. Smile at the people so we can eat." My mother held me away from the old man and pinched my lips so I smiled at him. It was only a matter of time before she would send me away.
I woke up screaming and fighting against the arms holding me down. I knew I was screaming, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't something I'd ever done. Flailing was normal. A small part of my brain knew it was Luke holding me down. The other part remembered my mother forcing me to smile. I screamed then too.
"Machala, breathe," he repeated over and over.
I stopped because suddenly I couldn't breathe at all. No air and the lack of oxygen sent a haze across my eyes. Luke pulled me up so I was sitting and slapped me hard across the face. Then again. I inhaled.
"I love you, girl. I've got you. I'm not letting go." He rubbed my back while looking directly into my panicked eyes.
Slowly he lowered me back and I melted into the mattress. It was several minutes before my breathing calmed enough to speak. "You need to let me go, Luke." It was true. He saved me from myself, but all of this was so unfair to him.
"Never." His gaze held an unfathomable trust that only made it worse, so I closed my eyes.
I didn't just hide from my weakness, I ran from it. "I'll always be fucked up. Never normal."
His palms settled on my cheeks as he breathed against my lips. "I don't want normal. I love you, Machala. Look at me." He would never convince me. I needed to leave, so I opened my eyes. Before the words left my lips, he pulled me up from the bed and practically dragged me through the house into the playroom. "By hell you're not leaving me. No running, no hiding. Your secrets end today."
"I'm leaving." I jerked my hand from his grasp.
He caught me by the upper arm and pulled me away from the door he'd just kicked shut. "You aren't going anywhere."
I lost it. This went against our agreement. He'd promised this wasn't part of the two weeks. I was furious and hurt at the same time. No, no, fuck no. I started kicking and scratching, raking my nails over his skin and kicking anywhere I could reach. He picked me up and flopped me over the spanking bench. He gave a sharp jerk to my hair when I tried to bite him. My legs were still flailing, and I knew I caught him somewhere that hurt because I heard his grunt of pain.
"Yeah fight, Machala." His body was draped across my back, keeping me from lifting up. "It won't do any fucking good. Scream too. I'm beating you until you bleed and you'll love every fucking minute."
Luke's control was gone. "Fuck you. Red," I screamed.
His laugh was anything but funny. He eased off my back and secured me to the bench, refusing to honor my safeword. He couldn't be doing this. Forcing me went against everything D/s stood for. It didn't matter that I craved the control he was exerting and that I needed him to force his way inside. The thought was just too terrifying and I took the easy way out. He knew it too. "You fucking bastard. I'll never forgive you. I want out. I'm going home."
He smirked as he tightened the straps at my wrists. "So the ice queen is back. I find her damn sexy, so please don't stop."
I screamed in frustration, despair, and fear.
He walked away and rummaged through his insidious tinker toys. I could hear him removing items, but I refused to look. I was breathing heavily, but I counted to ten knowing I needed to calm down. "Luke, release me. Red," I said in the most reasonable voice I could manage.
He ignored me and went about creating his scene like I wasn't in the room. Fear replaced my other thoughts. No. I couldn't do this.
Suddenly, Luke jerked back on my hair, thrusting black lacquered drumsticks in my face. "We've never played with these. I keep them for special occasions."
Tears rolled down my face. He had to stop. "Luke, please don't do this."
"I'll always give you a way out, girl. Your safeword is something, anything about your nightmares. I don't care if it makes no sense. I want something."
"I hate you."
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