Chapter 91: Angel
Her anger, sorrow, and feelings of worthlessness fell away. Sir was seeing her grief for the first time since Master's death. Focusing entirely on her. And, even though she knew she was selfish, she needed this desperately. She could no longer live with the sadness surrounding them. Sir acted almost as if nothing had happened and he did little more than hold her at night. He didn't cry, didn't show anger, and didn't say he loved her.
Then, she thought of Master and the marriage license. She realized why he did it, and that he had planned for this eventuality. It made her both angry and sad.
How could he?
Angel needed him; she needed both her men. But... somehow... they had to find a way to live without him.
"We'll get through this." Sir held her close, his words ruffling her hair.
She pulled slightly away and looked into Sir's intense green eyes. "He loved me."
Angel saw her words register on his face and choked back another sob when he pulled her close again. "I love you, too, Angel. You can't doubt that."
"But, you haven't said it since...," she mumbled against the bare skin of his chest but was unable to complete her sentence.
He just held her for several minutes before responding. "You are my heart. It will not beat without you."
"Then what was he?" She needed to know, and maybe Sir needed to know, too.
His hesitation was longer this time, and when the words came, they were barely audible. "He was our soul."
She felt Sir's chest shake slightly, but he didn't cry. His fingers threaded through her hair offering comfort.
They rested in the chair for a long time. He eventually carried her to the corner bed and applied lotion to the welts on her skin. He'd done this same ritual many times before and for a few moments everything felt normal.
That night, Sir secured her arms and legs to the bed, tortured her with his wicked touch, and finally made her beg for release. Master's essence remained in the room, but her biggest fear was that he would someday start fading.
Hours later, a slight noise woke Angel. Sir was no longer in bed, but she saw the tail end of his shadow in the hall. Quietly, not bothering with clothes, she followed him downstairs and watched him enter the playroom. A soft click of the lock sounded after he shut the door. Walking closer, she was startled by a heavy thud from inside the room. More followed and it sounded like Sir was destroying everything he could pick up. Eventually, the sounds tapered off, but then her heart broke because she heard Sir's sobs through the thick wood. After several minutes, she sank to the floor because her legs would no longer hold her up.
***
Zachery
He is our soul. Admitting those words to Angel broke Zach's heart. Society set rules on love, especially the inner sanctum of the military and police. Their macho, often sexist attitude conveyed that loving another man made you less of a man or not one at all. Before Zach returned to Monroe and Angel, after leaving them for months, he admitted his relationship to his parents. While explaining their unorthodox bond, he kept the focus of his feelings on Angel. Over and over he denied his yearning for Monroe even to himself. He didn't just hide his love, but also his need to submit fully to the man who saved his life. And now Zach knew he'd never have the chance.
His tantrum was much like Angel's earlier one. He needed to destroy something, and tearing apart the dungeon felt satisfying. Finally, his anger turned to grief and a flood of tears took over. Zach remembered the kiss to his forehead and the anger it caused. Monroe could not have guessed at the true reason-Zach wanted to turn his head and feel Monroe's lips on his, just once.
Everything he denied seemed so simple now.
At last, his tears abated. He knew he needed to fix the problems with Angel, marry her, and place her at the center of his life. It's not just what Monroe wanted, it was what Zach needed. He walked across the room and washed his face in the sink, then made his way to the door, stepping carefully across the damaged room. He'd clean the mess in the morning. He turned, opened the door, and almost tripped over Angel. She slept, curled up naked on the hard floor. He picked her up and stared into her eyes when they opened.
"I love you," he said and put every bit of feeling he possessed into the words.
"I know."
She closed her eyes as he carried her back upstairs.
Sitting her on the bed, he looked deeply into her pure blue eyes. "This is Monroe's room, the one we shared. I'd like to make it ours so we may always keep a small piece of him with us."
"He would like that."
"I think so, too." He looked at the dresser filled with Monroe's clothing and then focused once more on Angel. "I'll move in completely after you marry me." Her eyes closed and then a tear rolled down her cheek. His finger came out and he licked the salty moisture off the end. "We should have married a year ago."
Her eyelids opened and her gaze reflected his feelings along with her next words. "I wish my marriage to Monroe was real."
"It is real, and ours will be, too."
"Thank you, Zachery."
She hadn't called him by his name in a long time, maybe too long. "There's something else I want to talk to you about, but we should wait until morning."
"No, please." Her expression showed an openness Zach hadn't seen in weeks.
He stared at her for a moment before continuing, "I'm worried about your needs. Monroe fulfilled things in you that I was never comfortable with. Your relationship with him was on a different level than ours."
Her eyes moved past him and Zach knew she understood what he said. When she glanced back, her tender smile made his breath catch.
"I love you and I need you. I understand you're not Monroe. I think we should ease into our new relationship." Her smile grew. "Husband wife, dominant submissive, friends... the rest will follow, but I promise to speak of my needs if they become too much."
He loved her more than life itself and while he was fighting his demons-a.k.a. Monroe- during the past year, Angel had blossomed. Zach was so caught up in his battle against feeling anything for another man that he missed the changes in her. Zach knew he'd done them all a huge injustice. It was time to fix the problems he'd caused.
Pulling her close he said, "We'll marry as soon as possible"
She smiled. "May I have a good night's sleep first?"
Zach laughed. "Awfully feisty for a sub."
Now, she laughed against his chest. "Please spank me in the morning."
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