Chapter 208: Machala
I'm sure people had horrible night terrors and handled them better than I did. Saying mine aloud made them feel inconsequential. "A mirror or the reflection from water. I see me-starving, skeletal, always trying to say something. I fade to dust and I realize it isn't really me. It's Vachala." A calmness was settling over me. For years I kept this hidden. My father never knew. My mother died with me hating her, but more than that I hated my weakness. Even now I couldn't find a way to forgive myself. My mother should have chosen Vachala and left me to die. I used pain to prove I was strong. The more the better.
I rolled over in Luke's arms and faced him. "I don't know why I can't breathe when I wake up. I know when I was hospitalized, I couldn't breathe. That was the last time I saw her." I could picture her so easily because whenever I looked in a mirror, she was there. "We were only babies, but that bond is unbreakable. I imagined her holding my hand for years. I could feel her soft fingers in mine, but she had such a strong grip. After I faced down my mother, I could no longer feel Vachala's hand. It was so strange, but that's when the dreams began."
Luke tipped my head back and gave me the gentlest smile I'd ever seen from him. "I love you, Machala Winters. You have no idea how much."
"I love you," I said without hesitation. Relief over revealing my past didn't stop the painful memories. Saying those three words did.
His nose pressed against mine. "Ah, girl, I never doubted it." He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come back for you. While you were gone I went through a rough time. The guys saved me with a little help from Angela and Jewel. Angela finally told me to stop sulking and go get you." He gave a soft chuckle. "She was so quiet and reserved in the beginning. She's a fierce mother hen now. But she was right. You are so worth fighting for."
I cuddled into his arms, absorbing his warmth and his strength. Luke sensed I couldn't delve deeper and just kept talking. "I was miserable without you. Each month was a nightmare. Wade only made it worse. I swear he brooded more than I did. He thought your leaving was his fault. Damn, he carries too much guilt and looks for anything to add more."
Luke didn't speak for a few moments, so I told him my side. "I went out with Danny and his girlfriend every weekend. I can't believe they put up with me and took no time to themselves."
Luke grumbled. "Danny just didn't want you coming back to me. I almost tossed him through your office window when I came to get you."
A small giggle rolled through my chest. "You have fifty pounds on him at least."
"Yeah I'll admit the weasel has a big set of balls."
I laughed aloud and it felt good. "You were hot as hell in that suit."
Luke nuzzled my neck and I gave a heavy sigh. We didn't speak and eventually I fell asleep.
"Tell me how hot you thought I was in that suit," Luke whispered sometime later, waking me up.
I smiled and stretched. "I wanted to rip it off and lick you."
"Hmm, I know the feeling, but you'll only see me in one more during this lifetime."
"That's a shame. I especially liked the tie."
His grumbly chuckle against my skin gave me shivers. "I'll wear a suit to our wedding."
I heard the words, but they didn't quite register.
He kissed me gently. "I don't have a ring. I'd rather go with you to pick it out. You can buy the biggest diamond on the planet as long as you'll marry me."
He was bribing me with a useless piece of metal and a gemstone, but I didn't care. It only hurt because I couldn't say yes. "Marriage isn't the solution, Luke. My nightmares won't miraculously disappear. It's better that we live in separate homes. I'll come over on weekends."
His fingers wove into my hair. "Won't happen. You're never sleeping anywhere but the bed I'm in." His stubborn Dom voice replaced his softer coaxing one.
There were so many reasons why marrying him was a bad idea. My ice queen could match him tone for tone. "We've never discussed children or any of the things people talk about before marriage is mentioned."
He smoothed my hair aside and leaned over me. Our eyes locked. "I'm not ready for kids. I may never be, but you'll have a lot to say about that. If you want a baby in nine months, we'll have a baby. I will give you anything within my power to give you. As long as I can pound your ass on a regular basis I'll be happy. I can't imagine a child being more than a minor inconvenience."
He was teasing me and giving me a reason to laugh again, but I resisted saying yes to his proposal. "You can't Dom me into a wedding."
"No," he said as he came over me, "but I can fuck you until you say yes."
I was laughing when he entered me. His hands stayed flat on the bed and all that touched was his cock to my pussy. He took his time, each slow stroke driving me crazy. He watched me closely, his sadistic smile growing with each glide.
I waited, but he didn't stop or change what he was doing.
"Luke, please, more."
"No. I'm torturing you with vanilla until you say yes."
I laughed and groaned at the same time. "You're crazy." I thrust my hips off the bed so our bodies met with a bit more oomph. I grabbed his ass and sank my nails in. His smile remained and so did the slow even rhythm.
I leaned up and said, "You might bore me to death," right before I bit his lip.
His head jerked back and he stopped moving. His eyes went dark.
"Yes?" I licked the blood from his lip.
"You're less dangerous when I fuck your ass."
I gave in that easily. "Not on our wedding night."
He pulled my hands above my head and weaved his fingers between mine. "On our wedding night there won't be a hole in your body I won't use, girl."
He remained buried deep inside me. "You have such a way with words. What about my townhome?"
"Keep it, sell it. I don't care. You won't be sleeping there, but if it makes you feel better to hang onto it, then do it."
This crazy conversation and fuck session was turning into a negotiation. "I need a home office." I thrust my pelvis against him, trying anything to get him moving again.
He didn't take the bait. "There are five other bedrooms in this house. Take the one across the hall so I can keep my eyes on you."
The least he could do was pull my hair or something. He kept my hands pressed to the mattress and I groaned in frustration as I spoke, "Sometimes there's no choice and I need to work late."
His evil smile showed he knew exactly what caused my problem. "My driver will take you to and from work if I'm not available. As long as I know you'll be late I can handle it." For such a complicated man, he made everything sound so simple. He just wouldn't fuck me like I needed.
I turned my head to the side and ran the tip of my tongue across his skin of his bicep. "What about when you tour?"
His voice told me he wasn't unaffected. "You'll go with me. There's plenty of time to plan ahead. Danny must be good for something other than pissing me off."
I kissed the skin I'd just licked. "Careful, he'll be giving me away." God, his smile squeezed my heart.
"You drive a hard bargain, but I'll manage." He pulled out, going to his knees as he flipped me over. His arm lifted me from under my abs. He drizzled lube between my cheeks before his cock entered my ass. Luke didn't have a romantic bone in his body, but I didn't care when he bit my shoulder, moved his arm up, and twisted my nipple. I smiled through the pain and let him claim me.
An hour later, I had multiple bite marks and additional new bruises. I was so tired and my entire body throbbed. Luke carried me to the shower and fucked me again.
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