Chapter 17

The next day at work, I carried a heavy heart and had little enthusiasm for my job. I thought about what Brian said and did last night, and started to waver about whether to stay or leave.
Even though I had made up my mind to say goodbye, even though I had vowed to stop liking him for the rest of my life, as soon as he showed me a little tenderness or said something that could be misunderstood, I started to overthink again. I thought about the mimosa tattoo on my back and the boy.
It happened when I was in elementary school. One day after school, I went to the lottery kiosk to find my mom. I waited there until very late, but she didn't want to leave, so I had to go home by myself with the keys. As a result, one of my mom's friends followed me into an alley.
The man tried to touch me, and I was so scared that I screamed and ran away. A group of students were passing by the entrance of the alley, and I shouted for help. Only one person stopped, and I ran towards him and threw myself into his arms. He didn't push me away.
He protected me and kept me behind him, gently saying, "Don't be afraid, I'm here."
The man ran away when he saw someone had stopped to help me. The boy walked me back to the slums.
"Are you home alone? Where are the adults?" He looked into the empty house and frowned.
"My mom went to gamble and hasn’t come back." I still hadn’t recovered from the shock and was shaking all over.
He didn’t say anything, just patted my shoulder and said, "Don't be afraid, I'll wait outside for your mom to come back." He pointed to the mimosa tree outside the door.
So he stood there under the mimosa tree with his phone, standing for hours at a time. Every time I woke up from a dream and peeked out the window, he was there. Moonlight shone on his face, and under the tree, his shadow stretched out so long. And that elongated shadow was like a beam of light shining into my dark life.
That night, my mom didn’t come back until dawn. When I woke up, there was no sign of him under the tree. I found his school badge in the house and learned that his name was Brian and he went to Riverdale High School.
Since then, I had a persistent dream of getting into the same school as him. I lived in the poor district, far away from those mischievous wealthy kids, and studied hard. I got accepted into Riverdale High School, only to find out that he had also been accepted into UCLA as an outstanding graduate. I started studying day and night again and managed to get into UCLA. But then he pursued postgraduate studies and eventually went to study abroad in England.
...He would never get to know me in this lifetime. I hid his school badge in my diary.
...However, he ended up being with my sister and they had a child together. He would never know that I hid in the dark corner, unable to bear witness to my unrequited love.
Thinking about this, a bitterness in my heart made it hard for me to catch my breath. And thinking about Daniel saying yesterday that our mom had passed away, I started to feel anxious. If that's the case, how sad must our mom be?
After thinking for a long time, I finally made up my mind to find him and ask for clarification.