Chapter 135
"Um, that –" I paused, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I apologized softly, trying to regain some of my composure. "That was the night you got into the accident. You were making snacks for us and you went out to buy some milk. I thought we were going to stay in and watch some movies that night but I guess fate's a disrupting bitch, huh." I forced out a small laugh. I wiped a few tears from my eyes.
"The phone rang and Cali was crying on the other line, she told me what happened and where you were. I immediately rushed there and I just knew that it was my fault. There was this g-guy who made a threat against me and h-he did that to you to prove he wasn't joking. I d-don't have any evidence but I know it was him." I stuttered as I continued to hold back sobs. Even though I tried to shut it down, the guilt was nailed there. What happened to Adam was my fault. Everything was my fault. I had hurt the people that I love the most.
"I'm s-so sorry. If I had tried harder to keep my distance, you wouldn't have been targetted. You wouldn't have gotten hurt." I apologized in-between sniffles, not being able to hold in the emotions anymore.
Adam scooted closer and he wrapped his arm around me. He tucked my head under his chin and rubbed circles on my back with his hand comfortingly. He told me that it was okay, that it was all over now but I knew better. It wasn't going to be over until I've dealt with the matter between Cole and I and quit fighting for good.
After a few minutes of comforting me, I finally got a grip on myself. I gathered my scattered pieces and pulled myself together once again. I straightened up and pulled away slowly, wiping my eyes and unflattering snot.
"Can you tell me about us? How we met? Who I was before the accident?" Adam's request made me look at him in surprise but I guess why not. I slowly nodded, thinking about where I should start.
"Well, I guess it was kind of cliché now that I think about it. You were the new kid and I was the loner who wanted nothing to do with the spotlight. Then you came along and you bugged the crap out of me." I felt a bubble of laughter rising and I let it out.
"I was so annoyed with you. No matter what I tried to do, I simply couldn't shake you off. You bothered me so much I wanted to punch your face for it. But sooner than later, you grew on me." I smiled softly, staring at the coffee table in front of me.
"You forced me to let you become my friend. You made it a point to remember things that I love. At some point you knew me better than I knew myself. You looked out for me, you took hits for me, even when you knew I could take them. You were ever the gentleman and it never bothered your ego that I never needed saving. It never bothered you that I never screamed for your help. You were my best friend. When I was with you I felt like a better person, and maybe I was a better person. Once I finally let you in my walls, we were completely glued by the hip. I was addicted to the feeling of being around you. When we' were together, it's like we were in this bubble. Everything became okay and the worries of the world just washed away. Everyone within a mile radius could see that we were in love. I don't know what made you love me but I tried to never take it for granted."
I blushed when I finally realized I was blabbering. I cleared my throat and tried to seem unfazed. I looked up to find him looking at me intently, as if he was trying to picture everything I described. It made hope blossom in me that maybe he was trying to remember because he felt something for me.
I quickly stomped on that hope and crushed it. I couldn't go around hoping like that. He was better off without me. He was safer without me in his life.
"Why did you lie to me that night in the hospital?" Adam asked softly. Maybe there was this part of me that still wished he hasn't moved on from me because I think I imagined the hurt in his tone.
"Everyone that I've ever loved the most has always gotten hurt. You would've been in more danger if I had kept you around. I just decided that pushing you away was the best way to keep you safe; and away from the life I got myself entangled in." I sniffled while shrugged to emphasize my defeated state.
"I never wanted you to be in any kind of danger. I've always known that I was putting you in danger by keeping you around but I guess you made me feel safe. You made me feel like everything's was going to be alright as long as we were together But I know that that's not the case now."
I desperately hoped that the pain wasn't obvious in my voice as I tried to suppress the new wave of tears. I will not break down anymore. He didn't deserve this kind of burden on his shoulders.
This was a new start for him, he should be able to turn his back on me and walk his own path now.
"That wasn't your choice to make, Case." His voice was hard but smooth as if he wanted to get angry but couldn't afford to. I felt my anger building up for some reason. I knew, when I made that choice, that it was unfair to Adam. But that choice was the right one. It had to be. We've gotten this for.
"Of course, it was my choice! I was the danger. I was the threat in your life, in your family's life. You're someone I love, Adam! Of course, I had a say in whether or not you should be in harm's way! How would I have lived with myself if I had selfishly kept you close to me in your vulnerable and clueless state with all the shit that life's been throwing at me?" I took a deep breath, looking into his eyes. I letting my hand reach out to caress his cheek, and reveled over how familiar the short stubble felt under my palm. I was a threat in his life and in his family's life but I made a promise to Carla to be there for them. I couldn't completely withdraw my presence from their lives completely but I could keep my distance.
"Look around, Adam. You've got Kiara now, you've got your happiness. Keep that happiness, take care of it and don't turn away from it. Don't make the same mistake I did. If you'll lose her, you might never get her back ever again." I let my hand drop and rise from the couch, making my leave.
Don't look back, don't run to him. Be strong and walk away. Don't look back. You're doing the right thing.
Am I?
