Chapter 71
It was Friday and I was sweating a river. I couldn't seem to have a much needed break. Even from school; especially from school. It was surreal.
"Ms. Johnson, please report to the dean's office immediately," the voice from the intercom announced. I gulped ever so subtly. Not good.
Come on, Johnson. Breathe. As long as you're not in the wrong, there's nothing to be afraid of. I was helping Adam out in that brawl and I was just trying to keep those guys from beating him to death.
Okay, I may have put a fellow schoolmate in a gullet-in choke but hey, he was asking for it.
Seriously, let's face it, he was beating Adam up! Did you know how many girls would've killed them even if I didn't jump to his rescue? I was doing them a favor by handling it myself and preventing them from getting trampled by enraged ‘fangirls'.
Okay, I may have made that up. I didn't really know if the dude has fangirls but I could imagine it so it must be true. I know, weird logic, but I never said I was normal either.
I got up from my seat, dozens pair of eyes followed my every move while I gathered my things and left the class. I couldn't care less about what they're thinking about me by now. I made sure to let them know their judging stares weren't bothering me by turning my chin up and letting the stoic mask takes its rightful place, giving them an invisible middle finger that I mentally raised high up in the air.
Once the door of the classroom closed, I let the mask and the act I was putting on slip away. The walk to the office was unnerving. Despite the fact that I did nothing wrong, the dean was one fierce lady that had this permanent frown on her face 24/7.
When I was finally standing in front of her office, I tried to get my shit together before knocking and hearing a slightly raspy feminine voice croaked out an "enter".
I gave the door a small push and slipped through the small gap to stand before the dean's desk. I started fidgeting with the ends of my sleeve.
The dean wasn't even looking at me then but I could feel myself start to tremble. Getting expelled was not on my plan. She's not even squinting at me with that judgmental look and I was already sweating like I've been running all the way here.
"Err, you called?" I asked timidly. I might be a street fighter but I was still nerdy little Case at school and I'd prefer it to remain that way.
"Yes," I swallowed nervously, subtly tugging my shirt away from my neck. Was it just me or this shirt just got a size smaller?
"So, am I in trouble, Mrs. Zhang?" I prepared myself for the worst, sucking in a small breath when her eyes finally landed on me.
But instead of giving me those stern and scolding gazes she had always given to others, she offered me a rare smile and motioned me to sit.
"I do want to talk to you and I apologize for pulling you away from your studies. This is an extremely important matter," She folded her hands together on top of her desk where piles of paper sat and a couple of picture frames were set, portraying her husband and her daughter, years back.
The picture with a young woman with a familiar graduation hat and costume on was in the other frame and it helped me confirm the fact that her daughter graduated a few years ago and was an alumni of this school.
"I recently received a call from a well-known university that we have submitted your transcript to and they were very impressed with your records that they have offered you a scholarship," the dean clasped her hands together and beamed at me, pride evident in her eyes.
Meanwhile, I was gaping at the things she just said. I'm pretty sure she just told me I received a scholarship, the only thing I've always wanted in my life that my parents or anyone else couldn't give me.
"Congratulations, Ms. Johnson," she announced over the sound of the fax beeping. A paper was printed out and she picked it up. She handed it to me after taking a final glance to make sure it was the right documents.
"You deserve it, Cassandra," I heard that sentence from Maddison multiple times and as the years went by, I've developed a certain hatred towards it. But then, all I could feel was warmth surge in me from hearing those words.
Maddison has always spat it out like it was bile but the way Mrs. Zhang said it was different; filled with so much happiness that it almost brought tears to my eyes.
I mirrored her smile politely and took the papers.
"Thank you, Mrs. Zhang, for everything. I really appreciate you help," I poured every ounce of gratefulness in my being into that sentence and gave her another soft smile before exiting the office.
The latch closed with a soft click and I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding.
I did it. I told myself silently, letting it sink in.
You did it. I could see my conscience beaming at me.
I said a silent thank you prayer, right there in the middle of the halls with tears brimming behind my eyelids.
This is what Bryant and I dreamt of and after he passed, I made it my goal to get a scholarship, for the both of us and I finally did it. I faced the ceiling, a smile finally cracked through my façade and settled on my lips as the tears started escaping my closed eyelids and trickled down my cheeks while my shoulders shook lightly with every sob that I tried holding in.
Everything I did for the past year was finally worth it. This was why I didn't let myself get revenge on my bullies. This was the reason I've kept going, letting them abuse me and yet, I kept moving forward.
If I let even a little self-control slip and let my hand fly to meet their faces, I wouldn't have been able to stop. I would've kept on hitting and hitting and the monster inside me would finally be unleashed. I would be worse than all of them combined.
I wasn't completely sane. We all weren't. There were buttons people would push that may break us if we didn't hold on strong enough. None of us were completely sane. We were all fighting to get a grip of just a pinch of sanity; just enough to keep us going for a day longer, a week, a month, a year.
I stayed in the middle of the hall and kept crying for all I was worth. But this time, it wasn't out of sadness, I wasn't mourning or grieving. This time, I was just happy.
After classes were over, I met Adam outside the school building, leaning on a tree that was leafless due to the season. I jogged towards him and didn't think twice before throwing myself towards him, trusting him to catch me before I face-planted the pavement.
"I did it!" I squealed aloud, receiving annoyed glances from the other students but I wasn't going to let them ruin my mood. I'm on cloud nine and these people were way down on Earth.
"I did it!" I repeated once again breathlessly, trying to convince myself that it really happened. Everything seemed to be so much brighter for me.
He smiled at me but there was a questioning look on his face, "You did what?"
"I got a scholarship!" I told him with a huge smile, not being able to contain it anymore. Adam hugged me tightly; so tight that it started to hurt but I decided to not complain and simply hug him back.
"Case, that's great!" He exclaimed and I nodded furiously, feeling the blood rush in my head and earning a booming laugh from Adam. I slapped his chest jokingly with the smile still intact and received another chuckle, along with a kiss on my cheek.
"Dude!" I yelled in mock horror with my eyes wide, "cooties!" He chuckled softly but set me down after a kiss on my forehead.
I scrunched up my nose at the slight tingles. It was such a foreign feeling to have someone stand by me no matter what but it was the good kind. I smiled faintly to myself.
If only I could enjoy feeling this overwhelming happiness every day for the rest of my life, I wouldn't mind facing all the drama and heartbreak because right now, stand here with this person feels like nothing could drag me down.
It felt like a dream and I was grateful. In the midst of all this chaos that was happening in my life, there were still things that are able to make me smile, laugh and remember the beauty of this world.
As long as I could feel this way again, I won't mind facing the whole world if I had to.
