Chapter 52
I stayed silent the whole time. I clenched my jaw and kept my heartbeat in check. I stuffed my hands into my hoodie's pockets and shuffled on my foot, not sure on what to do.
Sonia was still staring at me like I was some extinct animal and I felt my conscience growing antsy, the alarm bells were ringing inside my head and every instinct screamed at me to drop everything and get out of there, flee the state, change my name, forget my past and strike up a new start for myself.
But no one could escape from their past.
A girl can damn try. My conscience said in a snarky tone and I mentally agreed, thinking of all the things I could do to ensure a better escape from this life. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in jail. They'll find out, sooner or later but I'd prefer it to be the latter.
She was still gaping at me and I casted a glance to the clock that was on the opposite wall from where we were standing, realizing that I'd better rush to class soon. I looked at Sonia and quirked an eyebrow.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer." I snapped irritably.She gulped nervously, letting me bask in the victorious feeling of winning against this bitch of a bully that had been tormenting me for no reason at all.
Why the hell did I just started doing this now? I asked myself in wonder and my conscience was quick to slap some sense into me on how much danger this might bring me.
Uh, duh, because you have a double identity and your other identity is doing illegal shit, you dumbass.
I nodded inwardly, touché.
"Is it true? Do you really fight?" It was then that I realized I could actually get out of this situation. She wasn't sure, it was a suspicion but not something that came with proof. I could deny the fact that I could fight and not be found out.
But do you want to?
What do you mean ‘do I want to?' of course I want to. Admitting the fact that I can fight will inevitably lead to the fact that I do illegal street-fights which would not only endanger my freedom but also my parents' reputation.
But if you do admit it, you get to implant fear in their hearts, no one would say anything anymore, they wouldn't dare insult you. No one would dare to make you feel inferior anymore. Think about it, no one will call you a slut anymore. You'll be somebody. You'll be known.
I frowned at my own thoughts. My heart started aching at the mention of feeling inferior. It had been so long, I thought the insecurities were long dead. Yet here they were, coming back with maximum force, reminding me of the times these people had downgraded me into nothing but trash.
The slight hesitation I had after the thoughts were frightening but I looked into Sonia's eyes, putting on a look of disbelief and I could see her visibly relax. She lets out a mixed laugh of relief and mocking. "Of course, you can't fight. You're a nerd for God's sake! I can't believe I even thought about it, stupid me. Now," she made a shooing motion with her hands, "get the fuck out of my sight, you worthless bitch."
The feeling of regret was building up and I squashed it as soon as it started sprouting its dark leaves of vengeance. I knew I could've stopped the mental pain they inflict on me each day by admitting that I could kill them with something as simple as my thumb and forefinger but no.
No, I promised Bryant I wouldn't be that kind of person and I wasn't going to break it because of someone as low as Sonia. She didn't deserve that privilege. I complied with her demands and walked down the corridor to English Lit.
"Could've fooled me," Sonia muttered her last bitchy remark of the day, her voice dripping with sarcasm and I clenched my fists tightly, digging them deeper into my hoodie and I felt a muscle in my jaw tick as I walked away.
You made the right choice, Case. Make Bryant proud. That's the goal. Don't get sidetracked just because someone decided that you're worth their stupid insults.
Walk away. Just walk away.
And I did.
I walked away and I didn't look back and in that brief moment, I felt proud of myself. I didn't cave into my demons and stood my ground.
Without realizing it, I made a choice and I won. I won in a fight against my own demons. All of us were given a choice, a choice to get out of bed and face the beautiful and yet cruel world that the man up there gifted us with or stay in bed and cower away.
We all have a say in what outfit we were going to use that day, whether you'll choose to dress comfy or fashionable or maybe even both.
Every turn was a crossroad, life was a maze and you have to choose which path to take. Some will guide you to the exit and some will lure you even further into the heart of that maze.
I made my choice by not beating Sonia's ass and ridicule her like all those other times she had ridiculed me in life. Not just in change to save my secret but also to be the better person.
The monster inside me was ugly, everyone has their own darkness that threatened to outrun their light and turn them into something horrible but it was our choice to let that darkness engulf us by standing there and do nothing or get some more fuel and get that hearth to light up even more to ward off that pool of darkness.
Our pasts don't define us, just like what these people did to me in the past didn't define me. I won't let them sculpt me into something ugly. I'm a bird and one day, I'll fly high.
I'll fly higher than any of them will be able to.
With that thought, I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin up, a newfound determination pushing me forward. I pushed the door to the classroom open.
I'm going to be the better person, that's my choice.
