Chapter 147
A few hours later, I was discharged from the hospital and I went home with the Jones to their house. I had school the next day. It'd be hard to explain why I looked like I had just been hit by a bus but I couldn't afford to miss another day of school. The good news was that my first class didn't start until the afternoon so that gave me time to rest at the Jones'.
I doubted that Adam would be coming home tonight after what happened in the hospital and I was relieved. No matter how much of an asshole he was being, he still wore the face of the man I once loved, and I can't disregard that. Even though I knew it wasn't my Adam anymore, it still hurts.
I laid awake that night, feeling my exhaustion catching up with me but not entirely ready to slip into a deep sleep. I looked at the ceiling of the room, wondering if there will come a time when Adam will remember me properly again. I felt frustrated at myself for hitting him that one time when he was already starting to remember. Maybe if I didn't hit his head so hard the second time, he'd remember by now and maybe I would've had him back.
I groaned in frustration, this wasn't helping at all. It was like I was feeding myself too much hope and when things doesn't turn out the way I want them to, I'll get slammed back down into reality. I have to get my head out of the clouds and face the current reality as it was. Adam didn't love me anymore. He loved Kiara the witch.
I stretched my arm out, feeling the scream of my sore muscles. I wrapped my fingers around the pillow above my head. And pulled it down I pressed it against my face and used it to muffle my screams which turned into sobs.
God, look at me. Pathetically crying over some guy. Bryant would be ashamed―right after he beat Adam up for breaking my heart. This wasn't the Casey he left behind. I've let Bryant go, I think at some point during my time with Adam, I've accepted the fact that Bryant was in a better place. I believed he was happy up there. I believed Adam was right when he said Bryant probably couldn't think of a more honorable way of dying than to save the little sister that he loved so much.
Along the way, I figured out that I could live with that as long as that was how I remembered things to be. As long as I believed that Bryant was happy in Heaven. I've lived the past few years seeing Bryant's death as such a sorrowful thing. Seeing my parents' devastated state after his death, facing Maddison's spiteful words and seeing all the ugly looks people gave me when they found out what happened and why the crash happened. Adam helped me realize that Bryant's death made way for his soul to move on to a better place, a much less corrupt place. I couldn't have reached that state of peace without Adam and I owe him greatly for that.
I have half a mind to blame all these tears on hormones but I couldn't deny that deep inside I was still upset about what Adam had been doing. Maybe it wouldn't be this bad if it wasn't Kiara he was with right now. Her being the other girl, if you could even call her that, made everything seem 10x worse.
I was jealous; although I didn't want to admit or show it. There was this delirious side of me that believed that one day Adam would come back whole to me again. That he'll leave the wench and regain his memories of us and come back to me.
It took me all this time to finally realize that it wasn't healthy. The old me wouldn't even count on the thought but I guess a lot has changed since Adam walked into my life.
I needed to let go of the hope that he's going to regain his memories and come back to me because each passing day that he failed to do so felt like a lash to me. I was tattered and in pieces and I didn't think I could withstand another week of hoping.
A soft knock came from the door and I turned my head to look at the door at my right, trying not to move any other limb on my body since everything else was still sore. The door opened and a small crack of light from the hallway broke its way through the darkness. When I saw who it was, I shifted my head back to its original position and continued to stare at the ceiling.
"How are you feeling?" Adam asked. I wanted to shrug but decided against it.
"I thought you weren't going to come home tonight." I stated instead and I saw him shrug in the corner of my vision.
"I didn't think so too," he sighed out. I felt the bed dip slightly by the side of my foot, making me glance at him. I could tell that he was keeping his distance and I was grateful for that. Here I was, thinking about letting go of the hope I was feeling and then he sweeps in, re-sparking that hope again; how pathetic.
I guess I wasn't being very welcoming towards him because he continued on, trying to justify his presence.
"I don't know why I came here. I started remembering fragments of my past, including you. A few days ago, I started remembering less and less but I just don't want the flashbacks to stop. I don't want to forget about anything." Adam sounded frustrated and I felt the ice in my heart melt.
"Please just help me remember," I could hear the desperation in his voice. I tried to hoist myself into a sitting position to look at him properly. I propped myself up against the pillows and looked at Adam in the eye.
"What do you want to know?" I asked. I wanted him to remember so I might as well help with the process.
"I keep having this flashback. We were laying down on this ground covered mat, just talking. The sky was covered with millions of stars that night. I remembered a small campfire burning beside us. We were eating marshmallows, but I couldn't remember why we were there. We were clearly in a forest but I didn't remember building any tent."
I could only remember one camping trip that I went on with Adam.
"We came up to the mountains to have a camping trip. We did build two tents. You brought me up there to ask me out," I stated. We fell to an awkward silence after he processed the last thing I said.
Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that last part.
But a part of me did want him to remember.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked him hesitantly after a few minutes of debating over it. Adam looked at me briefly before nodding, rubbing his eyes with his thumb.
"Why don't you trust me about Kiara? What gave you the impression that I was the type of girl to lie out of jealousy and possessiveness?" I asked, not bothering to mask any of my emotions. I was too tired to cover up what I was feeling.
After a few moments of silence, Adam shook his head, stood up and left. That was all it took for the strings in me to snap.
He simply didn't care enough to think about those questions. I thought brokenly.
With that thought, I felt one last tug in my heart as I willed myself to let go of that hope. Adam was never going to come back to me and fell into a deep sleep.
