Chapter 183

I think I heard this from a movie once, "Time flies quicker when you'd like it to stop." I found it to be quite true.
It was Friday already, I can barely stand being in the same room with Dom, although a couple of days has passed since our argument. I guess how stubborn he acted still irked me whenever it pops into my head.
My first mission assigned by the Mafia will be executed tonight and I feel like I could do anything for anyone who can freeze time so that tonight will never come.
It was lunch time already and the canteen hall was packed with a sea of students as usual.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets and hunched my shoulders to avoid knocking anyone over. I grew up to be a pretty big guy. Quite a handful people has commented on my shoulder's width supposedly being wider than average.
I fell in line with everyone else as we queued to buy some lunch.
I gave the canteen lady a brief smile as I skimmed through the variety of food they're serving today.
"Something troubling you, kiddo?" Mrs. Keys asked as she scooped up a spoonful of everything I pointed at and dumping it onto an empty plate for me.
I looked up at her after I finished pointing at the things I wanted to eat and flashed her a small smile.
"Are you a mind reader?" I joked lamely as I handed her some cash for the food.
"Boy, please, it's written all over your face." Mrs. Keys took the money and gave me my change while giving my hand a gentle pat. "Whatever it is, make sure to not skip your meals and look after your health."
I gave the sweet old lady a smile. I think I'm familiar with almost all the school staff, from the canteen lady, the janitors to the gardeners. They've always been friendly with me. But I guess that's because I smile at them and acknowledge their existence as well as their hard work unlike the ignorant students that walk past them as if they don't exist.
"Thanks, Mrs. Keys, you too." I said as I took my tray and turned around to look for an empty spot to sit at.
I didn't feel like hanging out with my friends today, having to put up a façade. The thought of what's going to happen tonight is enough to keep me tense, I don't need to add any unnecessary chore that'll drain me even further.
As I looked around, I made a very brief eye contact with Maddy who stared at me. Even as I averted my gaze, I could feel the weight of her stare boring a hole into the side of my face.
I walked to the other side of the hall and took a seat on an empty table. Not long after I sat down and picked up my spoon to start digging in, Maddy sat down on the empty seat opposite of me wordlessly.
My actions paused, not expecting her to make the first move to approach me so brazenly.
I kept my head down and sipped on the soup on my spoon.
"Are you going to keep ignoring me?" Maddy asked. I can hear her voice waver with the emotions behind it.
My fingers clutched onto the spoon in my hand, causing my fingertips to turn white. I slowly raised my head and looked at Maddy. Sure enough, her eyes were starting to turn glassy.
Maddy has always been sensitive about being ignored. Her parents weren't the most attentive parents and she made me promise to never give her the silent treatment.
I held myself back from reaching out to comfort her.
"Why are you avoiding me?" She asked again.
I didn't know how to answer her. I didn't know what to say to her. So I ended up looking at her like an idiot as she gets more and more upset as time ticks by.
"Aren't you going to explain about what happened with Jax?" She tried again, her eyes searching mine for an answer.
The look in her eyes was desperately begging me to open up to her and explain myself.
I couldn't do anything but sit there and look into her teary eyes like the idiot I am, thinking about how hurt she must be feeling.
A tear finally escaped her eye and she quickly wiped it away.
Before I could say anything to her, Maddy got up from her seat and walked away, exiting the hall.
I sighed, dropping my spoon onto my plate and burying my face into my hands.
What was I doing?
Having lost my appetite, I got up from my seat with my tray in hand and dumped my leftovers in the bin before leaving the hall.
I went to my locker, my thoughts still in disarray from the confrontation with Maddy. I opened my locker only to see the picture that Maddy had taped onto my locker door. I traced the edges with my finger as I looked at our smiling faces, the waves that were rolling onto the shore behind us.
To me, Maddy was like a ray of sunshine. She's pure and innocent. Despite being deprived of attention at home, she's been living a sheltered life. Seeing her tears made me feel like I was the grey clouds that's covering up the sun and depriving Earth of its light.
I stared at the small jewellery box hidden in the corner of my locker.
'Either let her go or man up and help her shine brighter.' I told myself.
My eyes shifted to our picture once again, focusing on her smile.
Can I really let this girl go?
She makes me feel like I'm on cloud nine with a simple smile.
It was probably the most selfish decision I've made in my life.
I was probably going to get punished for the decision I made.
But they said the age of 17 is when people do things out of passion instead of rationalization.
So that's what I chose. To be 17.
I grabbed the small box and threw my locker door shut, running towards Maddy's next class.
I held the small box in my fist, barging into the almost empty classroom in search of Maddy.
"Did any of you see Maddison?" I asked the students that were huddled around a table in the room.
Everyone shook their heads before going back to their card game and I turned to start looking again.
I went to the library, to all the toilets in the building and finally to the open field.
A girl was sitting on her own on the bleachers by the field. Her hair fell over her face as her head stayed lowered.
Even from quite the distance, with her face covered, I could still recognize her. I couldn't really pinpoint a distinctive feature that gives her away but I could just tell that it's her.
I jogged up the bleachers, slowing down only when I'm nearing her.
I slowly walked towards her and sat on the spot by her feet.
"Maddy..." I called softly, knowing that she was probably in tears behind the makeshift curtain of hair.
I heard a soft sniffle that made my heart throb. It was another reminder that I was the one who made her this way.
Maddy was always cheerful and bubbly. To see her be this upset was rare and to think that I was the reason for it made me angry at myself.
I should've manned up from the start.
"Mads..." I said again, brushing her hair away from her face to look at her properly.
Maddison slapped my hand away lightly, turning her head to look the other way.
She wiped her tears away angrily before finally turning to look at me.
"What?" She snapped.
I smiled weakly. "I'm sorry."
Maddy narrowed her eyes at me. "Do you think that everything can be solved by a simple apology, Johnson?"
There goes the last name.
It's never good when Maddy uses the last name to refer to someone.
I instantly knew that she wasn't just angry at me. She was pissed.
"I know an apology doesn't cut it, but I'm really sorry, Mads." I tried again.
I took her hand and held onto it, searching her eyes and trying to show her how regretful I felt. "I shouldn't have ignored you; I shouldn't have avoided you."
I could see her eyes soften. "Why did you?" She asked.
I gulped, lowering my eyes. "I was ashamed."
"I was doing things that I know you wouldn't approve of and I'm scared of seeing the disappointed look in your eyes if you ever found out." I thought to myself, wanting nothing but to be able to say it to her.
Instead I looked into her eyes and said, "I know I shouldn't have ignored you or avoided you no matter what the reason was. I'm sorry, Mads."
Maddison laid her other hand on our interlaced one. She looked at me, eyes no longer angry but filled with worry. "I'll forgive you but you have to answer all of the questions I'm going to ask honestly."
I nodded though my heart started growing heavy knowing that I won't be able to answer her next questions honestly.
"Are you in trouble?"
I shook my head no.
"What you talked about with Jax – No, let me rephrase that. Are you getting involved with the Mafia?"
Another shake of the head.
"Forget about that conversation. After seeing you that day, I know that I was doing something wrong and I cancelled everything." I lied through my teeth.
"So is everything okay?" She asked one last time.
I gave her a smile and a nod.
"Everything's okay." I answered, collecting my girlfriend into my arms.
"I'm sorry I made you worry," I told her as she hugged me back.
I felt her shake her head, "As long as you're okay, I'm okay."
I looked up to the sky as I felt my own tears coming. What did I ever do to have someone so pure. All I do is lie and hurt this girl but she's always there for me and it always seems like her whole world revolves around me.
"I love you, Mads. Thank you for always standing by me." I whispered, scared that my voice will crack if I speak any louder.
"I love you too, Bry."
I exhaled slowly and softly, willing the tears to go away before they spill and give me away.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.
Maddy started pulling away, "Did you say something?"
As a tear escaped my eye, I pulled her in for another embrace and quickly brushed it away, patting her head softly.
We broke away after a second and I put on a smile for her to see, shaking my head. "Nothing."
Maddy kept looking at me with questioning eyes and I immediately took out the jewellery box that I brought with me.
I handed it to her, "Open it."
Maddy regarded me with raised eyebrows before looking at the box.
She opened the box and inside was a charm bracelet.
Maddy touched the bracelet gingerly as her lips parted in surprise.
I smiled at her reaction. "Do you like it?"
She nodded mutely.
She looked up at me with a wide smile. "Thank you. It's beautiful."
"I bought it a couple of weeks ago. I thought you'd like it." I took the bracelet out of its box and put it on her wrist.
Maddy raised her hand and we watched as the metal bracelet twinkle under the sun.
"I love it. I'm never taking it off." Maddy laughed, turning to me and giving me a kiss on the cheek.
I watched her as she stared at the bracelet in awe, a small smile hiding the guilt I was feeling inside.
I'm sorry, Mads.
I hope you'll never uncover my lies and get hurt.