Think A Countless Times

**ISLA**
Three months had passed.
My baby bump is getting bigger. My first trimester is already done. My morning sickness is still there, but with the help of my mom and Apollo, I always overcome it. Yesterday, we went to my OB and conducted an ultrasound, but the doctor can’t identify the gender yet. The doctor said we should wait for a month before we will find out the baby’s gender.
I was praying that it should be a girl. However, it’s also okay if it was a boy. But Becca wants it to be a girl, so I am, while Apollo wants it to be a boy.
Becca already knew about my pregnancy, and I didn’t hide from her that Zero was the father. Well, she knew that something was going on between us way back then, and I can’t lie about it.
And here we are, talking on the phone again. “I want to tell Zero that you’re preg—”
“Don’t Becca, don’t. I told you, I want to keep it a secret. Besides, Zero won’t give a damn, even if he finds out,” I replied.
Knowing Zero hated commitment, I’m sure he will not accept the child.
“How sure are you, huh, Isla?” Becca asked, and I could imagine how her brows arched. “You didn’t even try to tell—”
“What’s the point? He cleared the things that should be done between us, Becca. I love him, and he doesn’t love me. Why do I need to tell him about this? Why, could it change—”
“There’s no harm in trying….” Becca asserted, raising her tone.
I heaved a deep sigh and caressed my tummy. “I don’t know. I can’t. And I don’t know where he is.”
“He’s in Spain.”
Spain? What is he doing there?
“I’m not interested—”
“And he will be there in a year—”
“Even if he will stay there for a long time. The hell I care—”
“Don’t you love him anymore?” Becca asked, making me frown.
I still love him so much. And I don’t know if I can forget him.
“No.” I lied.
I put away the phone when Becca burst into laughter. “Girl…” she laughed, “—I don’t believe—”
“Then don’t ask,” I replied, cutting the hum of her words.
Becca sighed. “You should tell that to Zero. Don’t let Zero find out about it first—”
“I don’t care. I will never tell him about my child. I will raise—”
“Think about it, my friend. And I know Zero, he likes you too—”
“Don’t give me hope because I already lost it three months ago.”
Becca let out a soft chuckle. “Where’s the Isla that I know? The one who never gives up? Bring her back, please,” she said, making me shake my head.
“Gonna end this. I badly needed to take a nap,” I replied and didn’t wait for her to utter a word and tapped the end button.
I sighed when I put down my phone on the table and grimaced when I saw my wallpaper. “Shit!” I cussed. Why the hell didn’t I change my profile yet? It’s still Zero’s full-body face that I got from the internet.
I shook my head. I don’t know, but ever since my first trimester, even if my mind hates him, my heart never did. And he’s still my Zero even if I can’t have him.
I heaved a deep sigh and left my room. I saw mom in the kitchen, and she was baking my favorite muffins.
“Hello there, sweetie,” my mother greeted me as I approached her. She planted a soft kiss on my head and smiled at me. “Sit down, and this won’t take long,” she said.
I nodded. “It smells good and seems tasty—well, you always baked tasty pastries,” I said, which made her laugh.
“And you should know how to bake too—you should try since you will be a mom like me soon,” my mother asserted, making me pull a chair and sit.
I grimaced. “Yes, mom. Let’s have a tutorial once I’m done with my exam,” I replied. I need to take my final exam for this semester and will have a one-month break. The online class is pretty fun for me—since it helped me with my situation. However, staying in front of my PC or phone for more than 3 hours made me fall asleep. That’s why I took modular and online. Modular when it comes to my activities and discussion and then online for exams and quizzes.
The flying colors are not necessary to me anymore in this situation. I just want to study for my baby and show mom and my brother that even if I’m in this state, I’m not still giving up. And why would I give up?
I sighed and pressed my lips when I saw mom staring at me.
“Are you sure you’re fine?”
I nodded and smiled. “Of course—”
“Do you want us to talk to Zero—”
“Mom…!” I shook my head, “—why would you do that?”
Mom sighed as she turned off the oven and sat beside me. “We want you to be happy—”
“Mom, please, this is all my fault. And don’t bother Zero anymore. He is NOT into commitment. And I respected that. I love him, but I will also respect what he wanted.”
“But at least, he needs to know about the child. He’s the father,” mom said, making me shake my head and close my eyes out of frustration—I’m starting to get frustrated.
“Mom…” I glanced at her, “—please, I don’t want to stress—”
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said and came closer to me. She reached for my hands and pressed it, “—okay, we’re not going to talk about it again. But in case he finds out about it, you shouldn’t hide your child because he has the right to,” mom said.
I nodded. “I know, mom. I know. And I don’t want to be a cruel mother-to-be.”
“Nonetheless, you should think countless times about giving your child a complete family,” mom asserted.