Chapter 63 02

She had tried all she could to avoid him that day. She was glad that it was a Saturday and even if she would be asked why she had stayed in her room and had only gotten out once to make a lunch for them and quickly rushed back in, she would say it was a lazy Saturday for her. She had just laid Baby H in his crib for a nap when a knock came to the door and she looked up in confusion.
Like, she knew it was him. Who else would come knocking on her door this late in the evening? She gulped down a lump in her throat and pulled over the hijab she had just placed down over her body. It had just occurred to her that she needed to be covering her body now, there were a few boundaries between them. And even though she knew that she was still his wife islamically and it was even preferred if she seduced him to make her his wife again, she had no desire for that.
As she opened the door, the first thing she got in contact with was those eyes. They were hooded with so much coldness that tried to overpower the pain he felt, but it was much stronger that it stood on its own as well. She quickly took her eyes off and squeezed herself out. She noticed he was holding a phone.
"Hajia wants to speak to you," he said, handing her the phone and naturally, Nadia looked for a place to sit. She walked to the living room and sat on a sofa as she greeted Hajia with a beaming smile. She was still yet to get a simcard, had never even set her feet out of the apartment and she wasn't going to use that as an excuse to speak to him.
"I've missed you so much, Hajiata. It's just too cold and empty here." She sensed as he sat on the sofa she was seated. Immediately, Nadia turned to look at him as she spoke with Hajia, doing all she could to make sure that the woman didn't notice anything.
"Oh, she's not home? Please tell her that Baby H misses her a lot, and I too." She smiled warmly at the thought of Sohila. Now that she was taking care of Baby H herself, she missed her even more than she should.
The sofa would've been enough for them if they were like the couple they once were. But not anymore. It was too tight for them and she could feel his arms by her side. She ended the call and immediately stood up when on reflex, Hussain held her wrist and she shot him a look.
"What do you think you're doing?" Her eyes turned to slits as she glared at him. And instead of him to do what he knew would be preferred by her at this moment, to release his hold on her, Hussain did the opposite. He pulled her back on the sofa and she sat beside him.
"I want to talk with you." He began, and when she tried to protest, Hussain calmly beat her to it. "And I'd like you to please just keep shut and listen to me, Nadia. It's serious, and I'd really appreciate it if you keep aside your hatred for me for just the minutes we're going to have this conversation. Let's just talk like every matured adults in our situation would, please?"
She stared at him for a moment and took her eyes off of him. She hated him, he said. If only he knew, she would never hate even an enemy that has their face. She had loved Hassan enough not to hate his copy of his face. But she quickly masked up his expression and nodded her head, freeing her wrist from his hold.
"I need to sit alone, then. You can't be taking up my space and expect me to act matured." She watched as he contemplated whether to heed to what she had said or not, before he stood up and moved to the closest sofa. She immediately felt his absence beside her but masked her expression.
"What is it that you want to talk about?" She said with a solemn expression on her face and watched the way he looked as though a writer, searching for the right words to weave into his scene.
"It's about us..." He began as he pointed at himself then her. "I want to apologize for all that has happened. I was wrong to say all that, hell, I was so foolish to throw those words at you." She took her eyes off from him when she felt a sting of tears aching her eyes. He continued, "I'm not trying to justify what I did, but I couldn't help it, Nadia. I was jealous, and..." He gulped down a lump in his throat, unsure if to say the words or not. But then, just one truth when there had been too many lies between them wouldn't hurt, right? "I've missed you. Seeing you laugh at him in the way you did, that smile, how relaxed you were around him, I felt like choking myself to death. All I wanted at the time was to hug you, but...you couldn't even listen to me."
At this rate, she didn't even know she was staring at him until he looked up into her eyes and she saw the way he was wearing his heart in his eyes for her to gaze into. What was he saying? Hussain had never spoken to her this way, these words felt...unreal. They weren't supposed to come from him as she had never expected to hear such from him.
She quickly masked her expression after they had spent a few minutes just staring into each other's eyes. "I'm sorry." The words tumbled before they forced themselves out of her mouth and she didn't miss the gasp that escaped his mouth. "I was still married to you when I acted that way with him, I shouldn't have. It was islamically not right and morally wrong. But you should understand that it felt natural to me, he was like a brother and it has never occurred to me to not act that way around him when I'm a married woman. I'm sorry." She had since realized her mistake in this and she figured it wouldn't be bad if she apologized for her mistake. Even though she would be truthful that saying those words was so hard for her. But she was proud of herself that she did.
She didn't know how it happened, but he was now back on the sofa she was seated on and she immediately shifted a bit. "But that doesn't mean that we're going to get back as husband and wife. I just apologized for the sake of Hassan, even if we're going to be separated it should be on good terms. We still have Baby H to think about." She quickly added, but there was no word or movement from him. And when she took a deep breath and decided to turn to look at him, he had his eyes fixed on her face as he dreamy stared into her eyes.
He placed his head on her shoulder almost immediately and she gasped. She was about to shift when she felt his hand around her waist as he kept her in place. It was now her turn to gasp and she was glad she had worn this hijab. "What are you doing, Hussain?"
Silence. As eerily as it felt and disheartening. Then it came, his tears, in droplets she was sure he didn't know were rolling from his eyes. He was crying on her shoulder and she felt the moment he tightened his hold on her waist! "Hussain," her voice shook while she called out his name. What was wrong with him? She was aware of that lone tear yesterday when he hugged her, but she had never imagined that he would cry on her shoulder.
"Is something wrong? Is someone hurt?" She asked, her lips shaking as her heart did. She knew that whatever made Hussain cried in her presence was surely taking a huge toll on him and he just needed the shoulder he had lost. If Hassan was alive, he would've cried into his arms.
"Are you in pain?" She asked at last, with a voice as soft as a feather. His shoulders began shaking lightly and it looked to her as though he were struggling to stop crying but couldn't. He had held up too much into his soul that the moment he rested his head on her shoulder, everything just broke apart.
He slightly nodded his head, wrapping both hands around her waist as he cried softly. Nadia stared at his crying form and felt the way her heart was squeezing with so much pain for him. He looked so innocent and pure while he cried and she wanted to wrap him into her arms and never let any harm come over him.
Reluctantly, she wrapped her hand around his back and brought him closer to her body while her fingers began massaging his hair to calm him down. It seemed like the gesture was an opener for his grief, because his tears intensified and Nadia had to rest her head on his to stop herself from crying as well.
She held him until he felt better and he lifted his head from her shoulder, his eyes the color of blood. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have."
But she surprised him by smiling at him, "It's fine, you're in pain. I just hope you'll stop torturing yourself, Hussain. It's been months, please relieve yourself a bit from it, okay? You need to live, no one deserves to live with so much pain coated in their eyes."
He nodded his head like a small child would and she smiled at him. She tried to stand up when he held the hem of her hijab, "Can you please a bit longer?" He asked, his voice muffled with his cry and pain.
"I'm just going to sit on that sofa, this one is too small for us." She said, and they went to the other longer sofa and sat down. "Stop acting this adorable! I'm just being nice because you're in pain. But what's happening between us is still valid and I'm not..."
"I haven't slept well in weeks. I'll use your lap as my pillow." He cut her off and laid on the sofa while he rested his head on her lap. There was a small smile on his lips as he closed his eyes. She stared at him, taken aback by his action before a soft smile graced her lips.
She sat like that for a few minutes and noticed that he had relaxed and might even be asleep by now. She didn't know what got into her, but Nadia felt the urge and since it was going to be the last time, she thought she could do it discreetly. She leaned and softly kissed his cheek before she whispered, "I've missed you so much." She had fought her tears back but a lone tears rolled down and she hadn't been able to lift her face away from his when he turned, staring right into her eyes with an expression she had never seen on his face.
"I've missed you more, Singleton." She tried to snatch her face up when he softly pulled her back and while staring into her eyes, he smiled sadly at her. "It feels like hell in my heart, Nadia. Please, I've taken you back as my wife." Her eyes bulged out as though they were a saucer, but he didn't even give her a chance to speak when he merged their lips in a soft and sensual kiss.
She pulled her lips away and stared at him, dumbstruck. "You can't do that without my asking whether I want it first, Hussain." She whispered, finally realizing that there was a limit to how much she can control her tears. Because, they came running down to her cheeks now. And she wasn't sure whether it's because she was happy about this or sad. One thing she was certain with was, she would never want to see him cry again. And if staying by his side would prevent it, she was in for it, for the rest of her life.