Chapter 117

Logan

Monday morning, my limo pulled up in front of the Maria Fareri Children's Hospital. I got out of the car, dressed like Santa Claus, scooped up the huge red bag filled with toys sitting in the backseat, and slung them over my shoulder. I laughed, thinking of Abigail. Actually, she was the one who gave me the idea to dress like Santa Claus. I chuckled and walked into the building with no fanfare or publicity. I didn't want this to turn into a three-ring circus. The children deserved better.
"We'll start off here in the ICU," the hospital coordinator said, dressed in a business dress suit and matching high heels that clicked against the linoleum floor as we walked past a wall with an impressive mermaid mural. "Many of the children here have cancer or leukemia, and are terminal."
My brow furrowed in concern. "Isn't there anything more that can be done?"
She forced a smile. "We're doing all that we can."
I nodded and forced a smile as we walked into a room with two patients. Both had tubes in their arms, and neither of them looked older than ten years old. "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!" I said in a deep voice when we walked in. "I heard there were two very good little girls in here! I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss you on Christmas Eve!"
"Look, it's Santa!" said the little girl to the right. Her head was bald and she sported an elastic bow around her head. She had a cherubic face and a beautiful smile that lit up the room. Her exhausted father sat beside his daughter's bed.
"Santa!" the other girl said as she tried to sit up. Her mother, who was sitting beside her bed, stood up and smiled. Her face looked drawn.
"Here you go!" I dug in my pack and dug out two girl presents wrapped in brightly-colored Christmas paper and handed them to each of the girls.
"May I open it?" the first girl asked.
"Well, it's up to your parents," I said as I looked at them. Both parents nodded, and the girls opened their gifts.
"A doll!" the first girl squealed as she ripped open the package.
"I have one, too!" the second girl said with glee as she opened hers and clutched it to her chest. "She's beautiful!"
Both dolls had heads full of hair and sported pretty, frilly dresses.
"Have a very Merry Christmas!" I said as I waved to both girls.
The father followed me out. "Thank you, Santa. This is the most that I've seen my little girl smile in a very long time."
I nodded as I gave him a pat on the shoulder. "It was my pleasure indeed. I hope your daughter recovers soon."
He forced a smile. "So do I."
We went to the next room where two boys were laying in beds.
"Santa!" the boy to the left yelled as his eyes flew open wide. His face was gaunt and very pale.
The other boy looked over and smiled, but said nothing.
My heart ached for these children, but I pasted a smile on my face, determined to bring some joy to them. "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!" I yelled into the room. "My elves told me that there were two very good little boys in here, so I just had to come see you!"
"Thank you, Santa!" the first boy said as he ripped into his present, revealing a toy car. "What I've always wanted!"
The second boy watched as I walked over and sat down in the chair beside his bed. "Have you been a good boy this year?" I asked. The boy smiled, his eyes wide as he nodded. His Hispanic mother nodded as tears silently flowed down her cheeks. "Well, then, Merry Christmas," I said as I handed him a gift. He tried to lift his hand, but he was too weak. "Maybe your mother can help you."
She nodded as she took the gift. "Thank you," she whispered. I nodded, and then she turned to her son. "Want to see what it is?" He nodded excitedly, so she opened it. It was a stuffed animal; a tiger. His mother handed it to him.
"Thank you," he said as he clutched it to him. "It's what I've always wanted."
I nodded as tears came to my eyes. "Well, Santa must go visit the other good little boys and girls! Have a very Merry Christmas!"
As I walked out and to the other children, I realized how fortunate I had been over the course of my life. These children had suffered, but they all wore smiles on their faces and none of them complained, despite their circumstances.
As I delivered the toys, I couldn't help but think of Alyssa; wishing that she was there with me. I realized at that moment how far off my own path that I had journeyed. If I hadn't lost Alyssa, I would be living my own life with her right now, probably in Nashville, doing what I loved. And who knows? We could have had a few children of our own by now, too
Instead, I gave up on my life, letting my mother dictate to me who I was, which was far from who I really was. But I couldn't blame her entirely. I was the one who let her do it. I had sold myself out.
After I had lost Alyssa, I lost a part of who I was and went inside of myself. And now it was as if I had just woken up and realized what I had done. My parents, especially my mother, had insisted that I follow the path they had laid out for me, and I didn't resist, thinking it was the only way to go on without Alyssa in my life.
Over the years, my mother had insisted that I date and marry someone who could help my political career, but that was one thing that I had refused to do. After a while, my mother had stopped insisting, but every now and then, she dropped hints, which I ignored. No other woman had interested me in the slightest until I saw Alyssa again. The moment I saw her, it was as if my heart had awoken with an electrical jolt. Even after all this time, my heart was still hers. As I handed the last child his gift, I knew that I had to see Alyssa again.
***
After I left the hospital, the limo driver took me home to my new condo in a high rise in Manhattan. As I stepped out onto the sidewalk, it felt good to be on my own again and long overdue. I took the elevator to the fortieth floor and walked down the hallway, thinking of Alyssa, when my phone buzzed. I looked at the caller ID, and it was my parents again. A trash can, left in the hallway by housekeeping, was nearby so I threw in my cell phone as I passed, vowing to get another when I had the chance.
As I walked into my apartment, I laid my overcoat on a nearby chair and walked into the kitchen. The appliances were all stainless steel and very high end. I pulled a beer out of the refrigerator, popped open the top, and took a swig.
In the living room, I sat down on the couch and picked up the remote, but leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees, thinking of Alyssa. I set down the remote control and picked up the cordless landline instead. I pulled Alyssa's business card from my suit pocket and looked at it. I ran my thumb over her name, and then looked at the phone number. Outside, the sun was still bright in the sky. I looked at my watch and it was just five o'clock in the evening. Tennessee was an hour behind us. I took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and dialed.
"Good afternoon, Collins and Keel Associates. Mrs. Farrow speaking. How may I help you?" a very professional female answered on the first ring.
"Yes. Alyssa Collins, please." I doubted that the woman would patch me right through, but I thought it was worth a shot.
"I'm sorry, but Ms. Collins is no longer at this branch."
The words hung in the air like a stone.
"Where can I find her?" I asked. After all this time, if I lost her now
"She opened a branch in New York," the woman said. "Would you like the number?"
"Yes, please," I said as I reached for a pen. She gave me the number, and I quickly scribbled it down. "Actually, I live in New York myself. May I have her address, too?"
"Of course," Mrs. Farrow said, very professional. I wrote it down as she gave me it to me.
"Thank you very much," I said into the phone. "You've been most helpful."
"If I can do anything more for you, please let me know."
After I hung up, I looked at her phone number and address, unable to believe that she had moved to New York. Suddenly, a million questions ran through my mind. Why did she move here? I shuddered to think that I had come so close just to lose her all over again.
I looked at the address as I stood and thought for a moment. Then, I slipped into my overcoat and rushed out the door, hoping that I wasn't too late in more ways than one.