Chapter 96

New York
Logan

"Excuse me," I said, exhausted from having to entertain all afternoon and evening. Mom had insisted on inviting every important political figure in New York for Thanksgiving. And instead of it being a down-to-earth, informal occasion, my mother had insisted on black tie.
"Are you well, dear?" Mom asked as she placed a kiss on the side of my head. "The Governor said that he wanted to talk to you about the water situation "
I let out a deep breath. "Mother, I'm exhausted."
"You aren't having another relapse, are you?"
"Mom, give it a rest," I said as I walked away, leaving her standing in the foyer, surrounded by house guests, many that I didn't even know. I walked up the stairs and into my suite, shutting the world-and my family-out. I had enough of wearing a plastic face, forcing smiles all day just to appease some political people that I didn't know.
I took off my tuxedo jacket, laid it across the back of a club chair, and loosened my tie. It felt good to just relax a bit as I ran my fingers through my short, dark blonde hair. I got up and looked in the mirror. The sun streaks were still there, but there were bags under my blue eyes lately.
Crossing the room to my private bar, I grabbed the bourbon and poured myself a drink, straight up, and downed it. Then, I poured another. After I had polished off the second drink, the liquid warmth started to spread throughout my body, taking away the pain.
The pain in my legs from the accident had subsided years ago. Now, the pain was the kind that couldn't be fixed by a doctor. There was no cure for a broken heart. It was terminal.
I poured myself a third drink and set the glass down on the side table next to my chair and walked over to the fireplace. Warmth. Warmth is what I needed. I felt so cold lately, ever since the night of the party the night I saw Alyssa. I walked across the room and flipped a switch on the wall and flames immediately sprang to life in the fireplace. I shook my head. Even the fire was fake.
Crossing the room to the chair, I sat down, picked up my drink, and placed it on my forehead, unable to get the image of Alyssa out of my mind. I hadn't told anyone that I saw her. They would probably think I'd finally lost my mind, but the image of her face still danced before my eyes every time I closed them.
Rage and pain filled my body as I thought of her. Why did she lead me to believe that she had been dead all these years? And who was that guy she was with? I threw my drink into the fireplace with a loud crash and the flames doubled, roaring, reflecting what I felt. I walked over to the bar and picked up the bottle. I usually didn't drink, but tonight I was making an exception.
I took a long swig and the numbing liquid finally started to work its magic, making the pain bearable at least. I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes as images started flooding into my mind.
After the accident, I was in a coma for three months. When I came to, I couldn't remember what had happened as I tried to remember where I was and what had happened, but I remembered Alyssa. "Where's Alyssa?"
Sympathy filled her eyes as Mom patted my hand. "I'm sorry, son. She didn't make it."
My father looked away, unable to look into my eyes.
"No!" I had screamed as tears poured down my cheeks and onto the pillow as my head spun. "Not Alyssa!" I tried to get up, but I was held in place by some kind of contraption. The only thing I could do was cry.
"Shush," Mom whispered as she rubbed my arm. "The doctors tried to save her, but it was too late."
Dad turned around and walked out, unable to take it.
I tried to raise my hand, but couldn't even wipe the tears from my eyes. "What's wrong with me? What happened?"
"You were in an accident," Mom whispered as she reached up to wipe the tears away from my eyes, but I jerked away. Tears filled her eyes as she folded her hands on the edge of the bed and let out a deep breath. "You have a concussion and back is broken, causing temporary paralysis. You're in traction and will have to remain flat on your back until your spine heals."
I jerked around, trying to free myself, but it was no use. "No! I have to find Alyssa! I have to go to her! Alyssa!"
"Nurse!" Mom yelled as she ran out of the room. A moment later, a team of nurses ran in and one gave me a shot of something and it took effect immediately.
"Alyssa " I said in a weak voice as everything went black.
Over the next few months, my spine started to heal, but I was still lying flat on my back. Luckily, the spinal cord was still intact. I thought about Alyssa, thinking that she would come walking in the door at any moment. Somehow, her death never seemed real to me, since I couldn't go to her funeral. Mother had told me that it was in West Palm Beach and that her body had been cremated.
There wasn't even a gravesite that I could go to.
Over time, I was able to sit up and was in a wheelchair for what seemed like an eternity. I had spent most of my time sitting by the window, watching the world pass by, thinking of Alyssa. Without her, life just didn't seem worth living anymore.
"Okay. That's enough," Mom finally said when she came in one day. "The doctor said that the only way you're going to improve is to go to physical therapy."
"I'm not going," I said as I stared out the window.
"Too bad," Mom replied. "The physical therapist is here."
"Well, send them away."
She stepped into my line of sight. "No. I will not. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and, at the very least, try!"
"Feeling sorry for myself?" I asked as I threw a nearby end table to the floor, unable to take any more. "Is that what you think? That I'm feeling sorry for myself?" I bit my lower lip in an effort to calm myself. "Mother, Alyssa is gone! Without her, there's no reason to live!"
"Maybe I should come back," a soft feminine voice said behind me.
"No! Stay!" Mother said as she pointed to whoever it was.
"Mother, stop treating people as if they're dogs!" I yelled. "'Sit, stay! Do this, Logan. Do that! We can fix you, Logan!' My God, Mother! Don't you even hear yourself? People cannot be ordered to do as you wish! If it wasn't for the accident, I wouldn't be here either! In fact, I wish I had died, too! At least I'd be with Alyssa right now!"
Tears welled up in her eyes. "Don't say that," she croaked as tears rolled down her cheeks. She knelt down in front of me, placed her hands on my knees, and looked up into my eyes. "Logan, don't ever say that. I couldn't take it if I had lost you," she said, her voice merely a whisper. "The only thing I'm asking you to do is to try. But don't ever say that you wish you had died, too." She paused for a moment, regaining her composure, and then added, "Alyssa wouldn't have wanted that. She would have wanted you to go on. To do something with your life."
And as much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I knew that Alyssa would have wanted me to go on, to do something, to make a difference in the world.