Chapter 26 - Hidden Pain and The Loss of Choice

Nora was not the only one who decided to visit Raymond. The other two Princes decided to come along as well. He certainly was not in the mood to listen to what they had to say. It was obvious what they would tell him. He did not want to have any part in it. Why did Landon have to be so selfish and get himself arrested like that? Why couldn’t he just wait for his turn instead of hiring incompetent people to carry out the job? The entire point of assassins was that they were not supposed to get caught. And if they did, they did not speak a word.

On the first floor of the manor, Raymond had a tea room. He had no desire to have one, but his mother insisted that it be used for when she visits him. He found her and his brothers already sitting on the couches around the tea-table.

“Isn’t a host supposed to greet their guests at the door and not have them navigate themselves through the house.”

Straightening his dress shirt, he sat on an empty chair opposite his brothers and adjacent to his mother. “If I had news of your arrival then I would have.”

“I sent a letter this morning.”

Raymond never checked his letters right away. And he told Lilith to get rid of any letters that came from the castle. Maybe that was not a good idea.

“I am busy.”

“You are the next one to rule this country and you hide yourself in your manor as if the problem will magically resolve itself. You have the most sense out of all my children but for once you are acting utterly foolish.” Nora snapped at him.

Lilith was right outside the tea room, she had changed into a burgundy dress that Raymond got for her some time ago. She even changed the way her hair was and pulled it all back into a high sleek ponytail. She was not sure if people wore their hair like this, but it was a ponytail, so it should not too groundbreaking.

She carried a tray of piping hot tea and her hands shook slightly as she looked for the right time to enter. She would not want to catch Nora mid-scold and then have her aggression turned on her.

“Mother, this is just as hard for me as it is for you. Things were not supposed to turn out like this so I’m not sure how things are supposed to go now.”

Nora sat straight with her ankles crossed. “You are to come to the castle and get things sorted out. Prepare to be the next ruler of the country. I have no claim to the throne since I am not of any royal blood. And there is no way that you can pass on the throne to Rory, he is still a young boy.”

Raymond twisted his jaw and Lilith walked into the room at that moment. Judging by their tones, it seemed the conversation slightly deescalated and so she made her move. Being respectful and bowing, she served them according to age, and truth be told, she just wanted to get the Queen out of the way first.

“Would you be interested in being King, Lucan?” Raymond suddenly asked him.

Lilith was serving Rory his tea and her hand shook as she stifled a laugh. When she stood, Raymond got full view of her face, and she pursed her lips to keep herself composed. Who knew the Duke had jokes. Only the Queen didn’t find it very amusing.

“Raymond. This is not time for jokes." she snapped and then took breath before she spoke again. "I always thought you were much more suited for the throne than Landon. That boy… is foolish. Too full of ambition to see that he is wrong.”

“Ruling a country is the last thing I want to do. I am more than busy with the territory I have been given.”

“Then what?” Rory spoke up, catching the attention of everyone in the room. “If not you, then who?”

No matter what he said or how much he fought it, Raymond would have to take up the responsibility. He hated every thought of being the King. He hated the mere idea of it. He would never get peace. He would always be surrounded by people who were either plotting to hurt him or those too incompetent to actually do anything for him.

After his mother and brothers left, with Lucan saying that he would be the King and Rory shutting him up, he went back to his office even more upset than before. With a heavy grunt, he sat down in his office chair, his fists curling at the hardness of the back of the chair. Raymond had not noticed that before.

He could not be King. He did not want to be the King. There was so much to do- too much to do. He could not leave all of his stuff to be the King. Who would take on his responsibilities as the Duke of Equiron? There was no one he trusted but himself.

“Dammit,” he took a shaky breath. “Dammit dammit dammit!”

Raymond threw papers, he threw books and pens and anything he could get his hand on. How could his father die? How could he just leave him behind with all of this to deal with? He was not ready to be the King. He wasn’t ready for anything. It was all Landon’s fault- that selfish asshole. Impudent, narcassistic fool!

The Duke leaned over in his chair, placing his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. This was all too much.

Lilith stood by the door to his office, she knew how he felt. Sometimes being overwhelmed by a situation could cause her to have serious anxiety. She could scream and cry or she could freak out on the inside but look as if she was completely fine on the inside. It seemed for the past week Raymond was cracking and it was all exploding now.

Moving slowly, she began to pick up the papers and books that were on the floor. She moved quietly so that Raymond would be disturned. He would surely get upset that all of the papers and books got disorganized, but since Lilith was fairly acquainted with what he was doing, she would be able to help him with that.

Raymond was silent for a while. Over time, she was sure that he knew she was there since pacers were not the most quiet things in the world, but he did not move. She gathered all the papers and then found a spot on the floor to arrange all of them. The entire time she kept the Duke in her line of sight. She had wondered if he was crying, but that was not her business. He should cry in her opinion. It was too much to keep it all bottled up.

“Lilith,” he suddenly called for her, his voice was soft and muffled.

“Yes, Your Grace,” she was in front of him in a second.

There was a pause. “How old are you?”

She looked around in utter confusion. That was the most random and last thing she expected him to ask her. “Twenty-three, Your Grace.”

Raymond inhaled and sat up, leaning back in his chair. He suddenly had the thought. Amongst all the turmoil going on in his head, the curiosity of Lilith’s age just appeared, and he just wanted to know. There was little he knew about her, to be honest. All these months of working for him and he barely knew a thing about her. That was completely unorthodox for their kind of relationship. “Oh, just wondering.”

He looked over the pile of organized papers on the floor. Work. He had to do work. But he did not want to. Raymond was not in the mood to do work. He just wanted to rest.

Lilith sensed his mood when he looked at those papers. “How about you take a walk. I think that after all that happened you need a break.”

Raymond knew that she was right. He wanted to, but he should work. There were papers that needed signing, proposals to be thought over. So much to do. Too much to do. “I have work-”

“Oh stop, we both know you’re near burning all those papers right now and I’d rather that not happen because I just organized all of those. Let’s go outside and get some fresh air. I’m sure some extra oxygen will do you some good.”

Raymond smiled a bit. He did not have the energy to fight for something he didn’t even want. “Alright.”