Chapter 128: Ashrac

Jewel's and Pepper's laughter is not helping the situation. They've gone from gasping for air to hugging each other and falling to the floor just like the woman back at my castle. I don't see how death by brittlemortis and being green causes this reaction. They should display dignified horror and loads of sympathy.
Jewel looks up at me from the floor, wiping her eyes, and still chuckling. "You... you've been had," she lets loose again. Pepper is doing no better.
"What the hell?" I hear from behind me. "You're giving frogs a bad name, Ashrac. What the hell happened?"
I glance toward the door where Tahr stands with his hands braced on his hips. "I'm dying of brittlemortis and your wife and daughter seem to find it hysterical. I will never find the solution for our electricity problem now. They'll bury me in a cold dark grave and all my knowledge will go down with me."
Even Tahr looks surprised when the women's laughter takes them back to the floor. I shrug at the absurdity of dying while green. I see no humor.
"He's..." Jewel points at me unable to speak.
Pepper picks up where Jewel left off, "He kidnapped an eagle shifter and she's turned him green," Pepper says with laughter between every other word.
"What?" I yell. There's no way. She wouldn't. She couldn't.
This sends Jewel into spasms. "She's... she's an eagle shifter and she turned you green."
"No, it's brittlemortis," I yell in complete frustration. I look at Tahr and even he's smiling now.
"You kidnapped an eagle shifter?"
"She's not a-" I remember the not-so-nice glob of shit that landed on my shoulder. "Damn." I'm too shocked right now to feel anger. Pepper and Jewel dry their eyes and get up from the floor.
"She's perfect for you, Ashrac," Pepper says with a soft smile that's more of what I was expecting when I came here.
"She's going back to her realm. She turned me green."
Pepper bites her lip and controls another bout of laughter. "You kidnapped her. Don't you think she's paid you back for such a dastardly deed?"
"I'm a dragon. We kidnap our brides and she knew it was coming. I went through a paranormal dating agency in the earth realm. They took all my information and requirements. The woman knew the rules when she agreed to go on a date with me."
"A date?" Jewel demands and gives me no time to respond. "A date and kidnapping are two very different things. If she agreed to kidnapping, she disagrees now or why else would she ask me to take her through the realm crossing or," she looks me up and down, "change you into the Jolly Green Giant?" Jewel blows out frustrated air. "She's an eagle shifter and she's been showing her displeasure in the only way she can. You and your thick skull just aren't listening."
I lift my arm and examine it and then my gaze travels to my shoulder where a certain smelling dropping landed earlier. It all becomes crystal clear. I've been had by a yellow-bellied eagle shifter. She even laughed and made up some stupid disease. Without bothering to say goodbye, I shift and fly away with laughter trailing behind me.
A certain woman is about to meet her match.
***
I enter the lower level of the castle after looking in the woman's room and not finding her. Something smells delicious and my nose leads me to the kitchen. I hear her off-key singing first. If I weren't so angry, I might smile. A certain featherbrained shifter will return me to my rightful color or she will be sorry. After I'm back to my stunning red, she will receive a not-so-gentle push through this realm back to Earth. After I solve the problems with the human village, I'll go on another quest for a bride without using that stupid dating agency.
I push the swinging door to the kitchen. Not only is she singing, she's dancing too. Her glasses are on the counter, and as she twirls and grooves in the stupid clothes she's decided to wear, her long hair flows around her. I see something I hadn't noticed before. She's slender with all the right bumps in all the right places. She looks almost... pretty. Almost.
A certain body part of mine thickens at the erotic picture she creates with her dancing. As if she feels my presence, she stops and twirls in my direction. I suck in needed air. Maybe she's kind of pretty.
Her right hand raises to about waist level and her fingers flutter when she says, "Hello." It comes out as a chirp. It goes along with the red that creeps up her neck and settles in her cheeks.
I didn't take time to put on clothes and my naked body is on full display for her perusal. She's seen it before, but I don't think she got the full effect of my main manly attraction. I look down to where her eyes are glued, and my balls contract at the image. Damn I'm still green and so is my erection.
"I... I baked you something to help with your erect... I mean affliction. It's a cake," she offers and quickly meets my eyes again.
Cake. Maybe I can hold off on booting her out. "Is it my funeral cake?" I ask with calm deception.
"Oh no. I think you should celebrate the green. Dribblemortis isn't always fatal."
"I thought you said I had brittlemortis."
She nods rapidly. "Oh, I did, but I'm hoping you have a milder case of the disease, um, it's called dribblemortis."
She's so full of shit and she can't even keep her lies straight. "Jewel's mother, Pepper, thinks she knows a cure. It will require a human sacrifice to the Goddess but really, what's one or two measly humans? She assures me it only hurts them for a moment and then they feel nothing as the blood flows from their body." We'll see how she likes those green apples.
Her face goes from red to white. "You can't make human sacrifices," she says in horror.
"I know you have laws against that in your realm but here, I'm in charge. Killing a few humans is nothing as long as I survive to carry on the red dragon line. We'll begin rounding up the unfortunate sods tomorrow. Pepper says the sooner the better and we don't have much time to waste. The sacrifice should cover brittlemortis and the other one you just mentioned. Was that dribblemortis?"
"Um, yeah, dribblemortis. I should have told you before that I might know a cure that won't require, um, sacrifices."
I move farther into the room and she takes a step back. Suddenly she remembers her glasses and quickly scrambles to get them on. As soon as the thick glass is in place, her eyes become the buggy things that were so unappealing before. She can't hide, though, because I know what's under them and under her clothes, or at least I want to know. Playing this game with her has surprisingly cooled my anger.
I glance at the pot on the stove. "What's in there?"
She smiles nervously. "Stew."
I breathe in deeply. "Smells good, and you made cake too?" I don't give her time to reply. "If sacrificing the humans tomorrow doesn't work, this will make the perfect last meal."
Her complexion turns a yellowish tinge this time. "We'll come up with something else. And besides, I think you only have the minor dribblemortis disease not the nasty one that kills you." She turns and fusses around the kitchen, preparing a bowl for us both while doing everything she can not to look at me.
I can't figure her out. She agreed to the contract and then she told me and Jewel she wants to leave. I had no idea the woman couldn't entertain herself and be happy. I need to face the fact that I don't understand women in the least. Yep, so much easier if I could mate with Jewel. I ignore the ick factor rolling through my stomach, at the thought of even thinking of Jewel in that way. We might not be biological cousins but she's more family than mate material. This causes my thoughts to turn in another direction.
Sex.