Chapter 68: Sarn

She vexes me so and I need a drink. She has no idea the danger she faces when around me. Until I told her what happened, I'd forgotten for a short time. Forgotten the look and smell of Roxanne's burned flesh-her whimpers and the devastation on Laryn's face when he saw what I'd done to his bride.
"Damn she-wolf," I mutter again. I finally locate my sweats and storm back to the cabin after pulling them on. I'm not at all happy when I see her brother waiting. Are all these beastkind animals without self-preservation? I need my dragon realm where everyone but other dragons fear and bow to me. They wouldn't dare be waiting in front of our homes with an attitude.
Roland blocks my path when I attempt to charge past him. If he wants to play, I'll be happy to oblige. He's not quite as tall or as broad as I am, but he's still a large guy. Before he suspects what I'm planning, I grab his arm and twist him around. A firm shove sends him to the ground face first. He gazes up from the ground with fire in his eyes and blood streaming from his nose. He spits out a few pine needles and with no hesitation, he's up instantly and attacking me. We pummel each other because it feels good. I could easily win, but I want the pain his fists offer. And I want to feel my fists sink into flesh. I'm not experiencing rage; I'm having fun and relieving some of my hostility.
He doesn't give up even when he realizes he can't possibly win. He's bloodier than I am and in obvious pain. He's scrappy and manages to twist away. His foot flies up in a kick to the side of my head that I have no time to block. Blood flies from my lip when his fist makes contact. I shake my head and he kicks me in the belly. I grab his foot and pull it upward so he falls to his back with a loud thud. He twists in an attempt to pull away. If I don't release his foot, I'll break it. It would serve him right if I held on, but I have no intention of causing severe damage. He takes my momentary lapse and swipes my legs, which sends me crashing down beside him. I'm ready to jump up and start again, but his hands fall limp at his sides and I allow mine to do the same.
"She's my sister and I don't want her hurt," he says between gasps for breath.
I'm breathing just as heavily. "I can understand that and I don't want to hurt her." We are both looking up at the bright blue sky as we speak.
"But you will," he says softly.
Goddess help me stay away from her. "Yes, I most likely will."
I turn my head so I'm facing him and he turns to me. His eyes are raw and I hear the pain in his voice. "You expect me to stand by while this happens?"
"No." I turn away and peer back at the sky. "She's worth protecting."
He growls low in his throat. "So what the hell am I to do? I doubt I can kill you."
My loud sigh fills the air. "It might help if you could keep her away from me."
Roland laughs, and from the corner of my eye, I see him flash a true smile. "No one has ever been able to stop my sister when she sets her mind to anything."
I wanted her the first time I saw her. I was drunk off my ass and still she affected me. I also knew she wasn't like the women who threw themselves my way. It was a conundrum I rarely faced as a dragon. I wanted her, but I did everything I could to stay away. Now, her brother's words make taking her to bed more real. I'm well aware I've only been delaying the inevitable. It's also not the time to develop a hard-on.
I roll over, gain my feet, and hold my hand out to Roland. "We might as well get to know each other. Why don't you come inside and get cleaned up. I'm hungry and need to eat. I don't promise the food will taste any good, but I'll share."
Roland takes my offered hand and rises. We walk inside and he uses the bathroom while I clean the blood from my face at the kitchen sink. When I'm presentable, I check the refrigerator. There's a huge slab of bacon and a dozen eggs. I begin preparing all of it. I also make another pot of coffee.
Roland comes out of the bathroom and stops on the other side of the small island that separates us. "You need to know that my sister loves deeply," he says while holding a wet cloth to his nose, so his voice is muffled.
Being able to see only his eyes above the cloth, they remind me of Sierra's eyes. A dark brown chocolate that has a way of reaching into your soul and twisting just a bit. "I love deeply too. I'm sure it's too deeply." I have no idea how Roland will take my next question. "Have you been in love?"
He lowers the cloth and regards me intently. "Did she tell you?"
I nod. It's nice that my hair doesn't fall in my face any longer. Sierra's fingers running through my hair was more than nice. What the hell is wrong with me? I regard Roland while trying to control my lust because I'm thinking about his sister. "Yes, if you're asking if I know that you're gay."
I see dread in his eyes but also hope. "It doesn't bother you?"
I let out a laugh. "Not at all. I've found that men and women have trouble resisting my beauty, but if I were you," I give him a wink, "I would try."
His smile is like his sister's too. I'm becoming jealous that they shared a womb.
"Thank you, Sarn," he says with an appreciative look up and down. "Somehow, I will strive to keep from molesting your gorgeous body."
I raise my eyebrows appreciating his sense of humor with a subject so delicate for him. "That's all I can ask. It will be a trying feat, but you need to control yourself as much as possible. Now why don't you set the table?"
A while later, we eat burned bacon and runny eggs. In a deadpan voice, Roland speaks up after we've stuffed ourselves. "We make a good couple."
In his same level tone, I reply, "If your sister refuses me, you're next in line."
He bursts out laughing. "I like you, dragon," he adds after his laughter subsides and he can speak again.
I've enjoyed my time with Roland, but the craving for alcohol is creeping up on me once more and I feel restless. I point toward the door. "Tell me what there is to do around here so I don't go crazy."
I think he understands what I'm asking. "The bears seem to get off on chopping wood for no other reason than it's there. That's one of the reasons I remain at the nightclub as much as possible."
The club is the last place I need to be. "I have a sudden aversion to the nightclub atmosphere, so I think it best that you show me the closest ax and wood pile."
"I can do that, but I'll leave you to chop wood alone. I need to head back to the club. I work this evening." He hesitates a moment, but I can see he has something else to say. "I saw my sister riding you earlier." His face turns scarlet and I bite my lip to hold back my smile. "That sounds horrible... you know what I mean."
Even his embarrassment reminds me of Sierra. I let him off the hook after a shout of laughter escapes my throat. "Yes, I know what you mean."
He looks at me, his gaze pleading. "She was happy. I could hear her laugh from far below. I only want her happy."
I can't go there because what can I say? I will hurt her, I know it. "She wants the same for you. Living a secret is no way to live."
Roland studies the floor for a moment then meets my eyes again. "Thank you. Beastkind are not known for tolerance."
I shake my head. "They still have a lot to learn. From what your sister told me, that is why your kind could not produce children for so long without human interaction."
"True," he responds with a hopeful look.
We clean the kitchen and Roland walks me to the nearest wood pile before leaving to go to the club. Chopping wood takes some getting accustomed to. I've never chopped wood, but I wasn't going to reveal that to Roland. It seems fairly straightforward-wood, tree stump, ax. My first few pieces don't quite look like the ones resting in the existing wood pile, but I get the hang of it quickly. Strange that such a small thing like cutting up wood with an ax gives me a sense of satisfaction. Usually I need a bride's cry during her release, a stolen treasure, or at the very least-looking out across my realm and knowing it's mine. I'm not sure what's happening to me, but I feel good about what I'm doing.
A few hours pass as I chop until my arms are too weary to lift an alcoholic drink. In the distance, I've noticed a few she-bears walk out of their way to avoid me. I know they are shy around men. I'd learned this tidbit from the male bears who worked the nightclub. I only met two she-bears working there and they avoided me too. Those bears seem to be smarter than the average female. I was known for sleeping with any willing woman, drinking too much, and knocking down a few walls when things were at their worst. It's surprising that Dmitri put up with me as long as he did.
With a solid chop to the last piece of wood in the pile, I put aside the ax. I'd seen a good sized lake while I flew over the bear territory, so I head there to wash the sweat from my sore muscles. I like this mountainous area even though it's not home. It takes me about thirty minutes to walk overland to the lake. I could shift and be there in a matter of minutes, but I begin feeling melancholy. I have no right to be happy. I deserve the suffering that comes from fighting the desire to shift.